You can easily make this an appetizer recipe too, if you happen to be lucky enough to have a party to attend. Just put the stuffing we’re going to make into a bunch of small mushrooms instead of 4 big portabellas. Portabellas will need a few minutes of pre-baking, though, so if you are keeping this meal all to yourself, then brush them with a little olive oil, and put them in the oven for 5 minutes at 350 degrees while you mix up the rest of it.

Can’t have crab stuffing without crab, can you? Important note: fake crab, sometimes labeled as “krab” but more often masquerading as the real thing, is made with wheat. Lots of it. Those crab sticks that go in sushi rolls are a prime example, they are jam-packed with gluten. Most of the crab you see in the market these days is going to be the fake stuff, so be very careful to choose a container that is only 100% real crab meat. You’ll want about 6 to 8 ounces of it.

Finely dice half of a red onion. Red onions tend to be stronger than white, which is good if you’re trying to balance a strong flavor like crab. But if you don’t like a lot of onion flavor, you can substitute a white one, or even sautee it before adding it in so it can caramelize a bit. Did you know that process is called pyrolysis? Well it is.

Slice up 2 green onions, and add them to your bowl along with 1 teaspoon of minced garlic, 1 teaspoon of lemon juice, and 1/2 teaspoon of Lea & Perrins worcestershire sauce. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change recipes without warning. Always check your labels!]

Dump in 1 teaspoon of parsely, 1 teaspoon of dill…

1/4 teaspoon of salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of pepper.

Now then, mix it all together with 1/2 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise. You can add a little more if the consistency is too dry, but don’t try to take any out because that totally won’t work.

Spoon your mixture into your mushrooms, be they big portabellas or little creminis.

Sprinkle with crushed Rice Chex or your preferred brand of gluten-free breadcrumbs, and bake them at 350 for about 12 minutes. Little ones may be done a minute or two sooner, big ones may take a minute or two longer. Serve them to your guests or eat them all yourself, I won’t tell.

Happy Eating!

Crab Stuffed Mushrooms

4 portabella mushrooms, or about 36 cremini mushrooms
6-8 oz container of 100% crabmeat
1/2 small red onion
2 green onions
1 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp Lea & Perrins worcestershire
1 tsp parsley
1 tsp dill
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1/2 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise
1/4 cup crushed Rice Chex

Wait, that doesn’t sound right — I mean for one thing, I don’t even get minimum wage.

Fortunately, I already had everything I needed to throw together some steak sandwiches, GFCF Lady style. You probably do, too. It really doesn’t require much. I started with one onion, cut into long strips and sauteed to extremes in a little oil. To get the onion fully soft and caramelized without burning, it helps to put a lid on the pan to trap in the moisture and cook it from all sides. I let the onion cook the whole time I was making everything else, so probably about 20 minutes in total.

Next, a steak marinated in Lea & Perrins worcestershire sauce. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!] I just laid it on a rack and tossed it under the broiler in my oven for about 6-8 minutes per side. (I’m morally opposed to using an outdoor grill when it’s still above 100 degrees after sunset, you know. But if you don’t live in a state adjacent to Hades itself, you might choose to see things differently. I’m also morally opposed to cleaning greasy pans, which is why I always line mine with foil.)

Meanwhile, I whipped up a tasty little sandwich spread by combining 2 Tablespoons of gluten-free mayonnaise (try Hellman’s if you’re looking for a national brand) and 2 teaspoons of worcestershire. The GFCF Husband likes to call this “flavornaise,” and I like to ignore him.

Thin slices of steak, thin slices of onion, thin slices of tomato, all on a sandwich-spreaded gluten-free bun. Oh my god y’all, it was so good.

But here’s a tip: do not, I repeat, do not put this on a round hamburger bun like I did. Use GF hot dog buns instead. There’s a reason this kind of sandwich typically gets put on a long roll, and for once the children weren’t the only ones making humongous messes on their plates. We gave up and got out forks within the first 3 bites. But man, I totally didn’t care.

Happy Eating!

Steak Sandwiches

1 onion
1-2 lb. steak
1 tomato
2 Tbs Hellman’s mayonnaise
2 tsp Lea & Perrins worcestershire
2-4 Kinnikinnick hot dog buns

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But I’m getting ahead of myself. The important thing about real baked beans is you have to plan ahead, because they have to soak overnight the day before. In theory there are some quick-cook methods out there that call for partially boiling the beans as a sort of speed soak, but to me that actually ends up being more work, because I have to monitor a boiling pot for an hour or two during the day instead of just dumping the beans in a pitcher and going to bed.

Either way though, first measure out 2 cups of navy beans, and give them a quick sort, picking out any rocks or broken beans. I just transfer them one handful at a time from the bowl into the pitcher, checking as I go.

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Here’s the junk I pulled out. It’s not a lot, but you will notice it does include a couple of little black rocks. Trust me, you do not want to bite into one of those, and they are likely to be found in even the highest-quality bean packages. Always pick over your beans even if it seems like a tedious task; your molars will thank you.

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Now we fill the pitcher with water. These beans are going to absorb a ton, so make sure you fill it almost to the top even if it looks like overkill for such a small pile of beans. Leave it on the counter (or in the fridge if that makes you more comfortable,) and have sweet dreams!

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Check it out, they’ve doubled in size!

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You’ll need about 1/2 pound of bacon for this, or 8 ounces, which is usually less than a full package. But since it’s morning now, you can just peel off a couple of strips and cook them up for breakfast while you chop up the rest. Remember to use gluten-free bacon — the one I use most often is Hormel Natural Choice, but there are plenty of fancy organic brands that are safe as well. Also, dice up an onion, and be sure to forget to take a photo of it just like I did.

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Using a slotted spoon, remove the beans from the pitcher and layer them with the bacon and onion in a crock pot. It’s not strictly necessary to layer them, but the bacon and onion are going to tend to float at first, so it helps to use the weight of the beans to keep them mixed down in there while it’s cooking. Make sure you don’t throw out that leftover bean water in the pitcher, because we’re going to use it in a minute.

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Now we’re going to make a fabulous sauce for our beans. If you want to be totally lazy, you can just buy a bottled GFCF barbecue sauce and use about 1 cup of that instead. But this homemade sauce is pretty easy to make, and believe me, the flavor’s worth it. Just mix together 1/2 cup Heinz ketchup, 1 Tablespoon Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce, and 3 Tablespoons of 100% pure maple syrup in a small saucepan. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change their formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Add 1/2 cup of brown sugar, 1/4 teaspoon black pepper…

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2 teaspoons of salt, and 1/4 teaspoon McCormick ground mustard. Ground mustard is one of those spices that is often mixed with flour to help it pour better (instead of clumping like you see my flour-free spice doing here,) so watch your brands.

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Heat everything just until the sugar is fully dissolved, then pour your sauce directly into your crock pot and stir to get it all nice and coated.

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Now pour in enough bean liquid from your pitcher to completely cover the beans. Add fresh water if you don’t have enough, or just use fresh water entirely if you don’t like the idea of using something called “bean liquid.” Put the lid on, and cook it on HIGH for 10 hours.

If you’re going to be at work all day, you’ll want to put in an extra 2 inches of water, or if you’re going to be home, just check on it every few hours and add water as needed to keep the beans covered.

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You can take the lid off for the last hour or so of cooking to help the sauce thicken if needed. But be careful, the aroma might tempt you to start eating them straight out of the pot. You wouldn’t want to burn your mouth.

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Happy Eating!

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The GFCF Lady’s Baked Beans

2 cups dried navy beans
1/2 pound Hormel Natural Choice bacon
1 onion
1/2 cup Heinz ketchup
1 TBS Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire
3 TBS 100% maple syrup
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 tsp pepper
2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp McCormick ground mustard

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First, take a 2-3 pound pork roast, and place it in your dutch oven (or a crock pot, if you must.) This particular cut of meat is called a Boston Butt, so excuse me while I snicker like an 8-year-old. You should always place slow-cooked meat fat side up, by the way. I like to put a sliced-up onion in there as well. It’s not really to eat, it just kind of adds flavor to the vapors as the meat cooks. I’m convinced it makes a difference, anyway, but you could skip it I guess.

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I used to have this whole dry spice rub procedure, but it always ended up making a kind of crust on the meat — which is great, if you’re slicing it, but we’re shredding this meat, and a stiff outer layer just gets in the way. Better to cook the meat plain, and put the spices in the sauce. So just give it a liberal splashing of Lea & Perrins worcestershire sauce for now. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

Now add 1/2 cup of water in the bottom, put the lid on and stick it in a 300 degree oven for 3-4 hours. (Or set your crock pot to HIGH for 3-4 hours if you’re doing it that way. But make sure that crock pot lid is on tight, or all your moisture will escape and your meat will be tough and chewy.)

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A few minutes before your meat’s ready to come out, prepare the sauce. Now, this is a traditional Kentucky barbecue sauce, which means it’s vinegar-based. If you’d rather just slather yours with a Southern style (i.e., thicker and sweeter) barbecue sauce, that’s your call. I’m a fence-sitter in the great barbecue sauce debate: I prefer Southern style for brisket, and Kentucky style for pulled pork.

Start with 1 cup of apple cider vinegar. Please ignore the really ugly label; this is the good stuff, I assure you. It tastes better than the processed kind, and it’s better for you too. But if you do get another brand, be sure that it’s not “apple cider flavored” vinegar, because that might contain gluten.

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Add in 1/2 cup of Heinz ketchup…

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1 Tablespoon of white sugar…

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And 2 Tablespoons of brown sugar.

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Then add 1/2 Tablespoon each of salt and white pepper. You could substitute black pepper, but the white pepper is more subtle.

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Will you look at that beauty? It’s still in the dutch oven in this shot because I couldn’t even get it onto a serving plate in one piece, that’s how tender it is. Falling apart!

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This is what’s become of my onion, by the way. On the one hand, no, you wouldn’t want to eat this slag formerly known as a vegetable. But on the other hand, that little pile used to be an entire giant onion. Where did the rest of it go? Flavoring the pork, that’s where!

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Scrape at the chunks of meat with two forks until it’s all nice and shredded.

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Then pour in your sauce. Depending on how large your roast is, you may not need all of it. I start with about 2/3 of the mixture and then add more as necessary. You want everything coated, but without a large puddle at the bottom of the bowl.

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It’s time to warm up our gluten-free buns! Our store started carrying this Kinnikinnick brand, and it immediately became our new favorite. I have served these to people who didn’t know they were gluten-free, and they honestly had no idea. Like most other prepared gluten-free breads, you just store them in the freezer and then microwave however many you need when it’s time to eat.

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I think this picture speaks for itself. If you’ll excuse me, I have some chowing down to do.

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Happy Eating!

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The GFCF Lady’s Pulled Pork Sandwiches

2-3 lb. pork roast
1 onion
2-3 TBS Lea & Perrins worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup water

1 cup Bragg apple cider vinegar
1/2 cup Heinz ketchup
1 TBS white sugar
2 TBS brown sugar
1/2 TBS salt
1/2 TBS white pepper
Kinnikinnick hamburger buns

You’d think boiling the eggs would be a no-brainer, but you’ve got to do it right or they won’t peel cleanly. Start with 18 eggs in a pot of cold water, and turn the heat to high. Once the water reaches a rolling boil (that is, giant bubbles splashing everywhere, not tiny little simmery things,) then start your timer for 15 minutes.

You’re destined to lose a few eggs during the boiling process, like this one that exploded spectacularly underwater right before my eyes. But we can still use the yolk in the filling mixture, and the white can be set aside for taste-testing purposes. I can always find at least a couple that are just not pretty enough to go on the plate, and I have no choice but to eat them right then and there.

Once you’ve drained the pot, set it in the sink and refill it with cold water, then plunge the eggs back in. This will cause the insides to shrink back from the shell, and they will come out nice and smooth when you peel them.

Then cut all those little suckers in half lengthwise…

And drop the yolks into a large mixing bowl. If they’re cooked right, you should be able to just give the egg a little squeeze and it will pop right out.

Mash them up with a fork until you’ve gotten all the large lumps out.

Okay, sure, there can be a few lumps left. We’ll continue to work on those as we add the wet ingredients. First, mix in 3 Tablespoons of French’s yellow mustard. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas at any time. Always check your labels!]

Then add 2 Tablespoons of pickle relish. Most major brands are gluten free, but sadly enough some aren’t, so double check yours. It’s up to you whether you go for sweet or dill relish — generally I would say dill, but this time I’m using a spicy-sweet specialty brand called Wickles. I could eat that stuff with a spoon, I tell you.

Then add 1 Tablespoon of Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce (make sure you use the original flavor, as their lighter “chicken” worcestershire sauce is not dairy-free.)

And 1/4 teaspoon of McCormick’s celery salt.

Finally, add in 2/3 cup of Hellman’s mayonnaise. As a relatively bland ingredient, the mayonnaise’s role is entirely for smoothing out the texture. So to that end, you don’t want to put in too much, or your filling will get runny, and then the only way to fix it will be to boil more eggs and harvest the extra yolks. I personally like to go cautiously and start with 1/2 cup of mayo, and add in more as necessary, but I freely admit that I take my deviled eggs very seriously.

Swipe about a Tablespoon of filling into each egg half with a spoon, smoothing the top a little so it’s at least moderately attractive. If you want to get really fancy, you can scrape the filling into an icing bag and squirt it in all decoratively. But an upside-down spoon’s good enough for me.

Finally, sprinkle the tops with paprika. Such a pretty spice.

And you’re ready to go! This is an especially nice hors d’oeuvre if you’re trying to cook a GFCF holiday meal for extended family members who aren’t used to eating on strange diets, because other than some judicious brand selection on your part, the ingredients are the same as you would find in a traditional recipe. Heck, with the right collection of recipes, your family might even get through the whole meal without realizing it was restricted to begin with.

Happy Eating!

The GFCF Lady’s Deviled Eggs

18 eggs
3 TBS French’s yellow mustard
2 TBS Wickles relish
1 TBS Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire
1/4 tsp McCormick celery salt
2/3 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise

Our sauce base today is this organic, gluten-free hoisin sauce by Edward & Sons. (They also make great instant potatoes, by the way, as well as all-natural GFCF sprinkles for cupcakes.) [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

Note that not all of the Edward & Sons sauces are gluten free, just this one and their teriyaki sauce. And if you look closely at the bottle, you’ll also learn how to say “gluten free” in French! Actually, that may be “without wheat,” I’m not sure. Either way, “bleh” is an appropriate syllable for it, don’t you think? If you want to have a go at making an approximation of this sauce yourself, it’s mostly soy sauce (make sure yours is GF!), apple cider vinegar, sugar, orange juice, sesame oil, and Five Spice. An Asian-y barbecue sauce, really.

So pour out 1/4 cup of the hoisin sauce, and add 2 Tablespoons of honey…

…and 1 1/2 Tablespoons of Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce.

Now, cut up about a pound of beef steak into bite-size pieces, and mix them in the bowl with the sauce. Give them as much time to marinate as you can, but don’t sweat it if it isn’t that long. Usually I end up just letting it sit long enough for me to cook the mushrooms. What mushrooms, you ask?

These mushrooms! Sautee 8 oz. of fresh mushrooms in some olive oil until they’re mostly cooked, a good 8-10 minutes.

While you wait, get out 1/2 cup of dried cranberries, and soak them in some water. I know I use cranberries a lot, but if you don’t like the taste you could always use dried cherries or even golden raisins instead.

Meanwhile, start cooking your rice. 1 1/2 cups of rice is a good complement for the amount of stir fry we’re making, but of course you could do more or less depending on how many people you’re trying to feed.

Man, I always forget how much mushrooms shrink when you cook them. Dump in your meat-sauce concoction and let the meat brown, stirring occasionally. I know it isn’t truly a stir fry unless you have it over very high heat and are stirring constantly, but that’s a bad idea here because it will burn off the sauce too quickly. I won’t tell if you won’t.

And just for a little crunch, let’s toast 1/2 cup of almonds and throw them in there too. I always stock both almonds and cranberries in the pantry, not only for cooking but for sprinkling on salads as well. If your preference is for walnuts, or cashews, or pine nuts, those are all fine and dandy too. It’s a stir fry, do whatever you want! The easiest way to toast the nuts is to microwave them in a bowl one minute at a time, tossing them gently in between, until they crunch when you bite them (instead of squeaking.)

We’re almost there! Drain the cranberries (or other dried fruit of your choice,) and dump them in the pan along with the almonds.

And that’s it! Serve over rice, and sit back and watch the smiles on their faces. Well, don’t sit back too long, you’ll want to eat your own before it gets cold.

Happy Eating!

The GFCF Lady’s beef stir fry

1/4 cup Premier Japan (Edward & Sons) Hoisin sauce
2 TBS honey
1 1/2 TBS Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce
1 lb. beef steak
8 oz. mushrooms
1/2 cup dried cranberries
1/2 cup slivered almonds
1 1/2 cups rice

Simple is best, y’all. Simple is best. Add about a Tablespoon of Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce to a pound of lean ground beef. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change their formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

Divide into equal balls, and smoosh them right in the pan. If you believe it’s sacrilege to cook burgers on the stove instead of on a grill, I cordially invite you to come stand on my back porch in the 90% humidity, when it’s still 95 degrees even after the sun’s gone down, and count the number of mosquitos that bite you before you come around to my way of thinking.

Are there recipes for making your own GF hamburger buns out there? Sure. And maybe someday I’ll work up the energy to experiment with them. But I figure I do so much cooking and baking as it is, I allow myself to splurge on some of the basics that do have commercially-premade versions available. I’ve honestly found that the amount of money I save by no longer buying dairy products far outweighs the extra cost of a few GF hamburger buns. Cheese is expensive! Anyway, Gillian’s is our favorite brand. Whole Foods carries them, in a little freezer case next to the bakery. The texture is more like a biscuit than a typical hamburger bun, but for what it’s worth it’s a darn good biscuit. These are also especially useful if only some members of the household are eating GFCF, or if you’re trying to host non-GFCF guests at a cookout, because you can just heat up one at a time as you need. Just remember, if you toast your buns, never do it in the same pan or grill that you toasted the gluten buns on!

The burgers ought to be done after about 7 minutes per side over medium heat, but to be honest I never really pay that close attention. I just busy myself with pulling out all the fixings, slicing the tomato, warming up the buns and cutting them in half… and round about the time I’m finished the burgers are too. Do pay attention to your brands, as there are unsafe versions of all of these condiments. If you’re one of those heathens who puts mayonnaise on burgers, go for Hellman’s. It’s not pictured here because I’ve raised my children right, you see.

And if you just can’t have a burger without cheese, you can always go for rice cheese slices. I wouldn’t, but you (and the GFCF Husband) certainly could.

Happy Eating!

Hamburgers

1 lb. lean ground beef
1 TBS Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce
1 pkg. Gillian’s GF French rolls
Heinz ketchup
French’s mustard
Hellman’s mayonnaise
Vlasic pickles
tomato
lettuce
onion

When cooking for kids, often the texture of a dish is just as important–if not more important–than the taste. And one thing kids are not usually fond of is chunks, especially “chunks coated in slime,” which is how I once heard a particularly eloquent young lady describe potato salad. Mashed potatoes, on the other hand, are always a big hit, at least with all the kids I’ve ever met. Thus, I present to you the best of both worlds: Smashed Potato Salad!

We start with 3 lbs. of medium gold potatoes, cut into quarters.

Boil them until fork-tender, about 10-15 minutes.

Meanwhile, hardboil 3 eggs. (That’s 15 minutes at a full rolling boil, in case no one’s ever specified. I used to have so much trouble peeling my hardboiled eggs until I discovered by accident that I wasn’t cooking them quite long enough.)

While those pots are going, mix together 3/4 cup Hellmann’s mayonnaise, 1/4 cup Grey Poupon, 1 TBS brown sugar, and 2 TBS lemon juice. [As always, the brand names I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change their formulas without warning. Always double-check your labels.]

Stir until the sugar has fully dissolved, and then add 1/2 tsp Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce, 1 tsp pepper, and 1 tsp salt.

When the potatoes are done, drain them and rinse with cold water to stop the cooking process.

See how the peels just fall right off after the potatoes are cooked? It’s so much easier than scraping them all by hand with a vegetable peeler.

After you’ve discarded the peels, mash the potatoes. It’s up to you how chunky you want the final product to be, but I recommend nothing bigger than a half-inch or so.

If I can crack an egg with one hand, you’d better believe I can peel one with one hand, too. I just love action shots with water, they always look so cool. Anyway, as you can see, the eggs are done and now we’re peeling them.

And now we’re using my favorite kitchen tool of all time, the egg slicer. I wish everything were this fun to dice.

Add 1 tsp of minced garlic (or two cloves, if you have fresh garlic lying around, but I never do, so I use this handy jarred stuff.)

Make sure the potato mixture is cool, and then add in the dressing. Stir and stir until it’s completely incorporated. Now, this is one of those dishes that needs to sit in the refrigerator for awhile to let the flavors mellow and blend. Trust me, if you taste it now, you’ll say to yourself, “Ugh! That’s way too overpowering, no child would ever eat that! The GFCF Lady is a fraud!” But let it sit for at least an hour, and the potatoes will soak up all those delicious flavors and balance everything out, I promise.

Oh man, that’s what I’m talking about. I could eat this stuff all day long.

Happy Eating!

The GFCF Lady’s Smashed Potato Salad

3 lbs. medium gold potatoes
3 eggs
3/4 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise
1/4 cup Grey Poupon
1 TBS brown sugar
2 TBS lemon juice
1/2 tsp Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce
1 tsp pepper
1 tsp salt
1 tsp (2 cloves) minced garlic