You can easily make this an appetizer recipe too, if you happen to be lucky enough to have a party to attend. Just put the stuffing we’re going to make into a bunch of small mushrooms instead of 4 big portabellas. Portabellas will need a few minutes of pre-baking, though, so if you are keeping this meal all to yourself, then brush them with a little olive oil, and put them in the oven for 5 minutes at 350 degrees while you mix up the rest of it.

Can’t have crab stuffing without crab, can you? Important note: fake crab, sometimes labeled as “krab” but more often masquerading as the real thing, is made with wheat. Lots of it. Those crab sticks that go in sushi rolls are a prime example, they are jam-packed with gluten. Most of the crab you see in the market these days is going to be the fake stuff, so be very careful to choose a container that is only 100% real crab meat. You’ll want about 6 to 8 ounces of it.

Finely dice half of a red onion. Red onions tend to be stronger than white, which is good if you’re trying to balance a strong flavor like crab. But if you don’t like a lot of onion flavor, you can substitute a white one, or even sautee it before adding it in so it can caramelize a bit. Did you know that process is called pyrolysis? Well it is.

Slice up 2 green onions, and add them to your bowl along with 1 teaspoon of minced garlic, 1 teaspoon of lemon juice, and 1/2 teaspoon of Lea & Perrins worcestershire sauce. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change recipes without warning. Always check your labels!]

Dump in 1 teaspoon of parsely, 1 teaspoon of dill…

1/4 teaspoon of salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of pepper.

Now then, mix it all together with 1/2 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise. You can add a little more if the consistency is too dry, but don’t try to take any out because that totally won’t work.

Spoon your mixture into your mushrooms, be they big portabellas or little creminis.

Sprinkle with crushed Rice Chex or your preferred brand of gluten-free breadcrumbs, and bake them at 350 for about 12 minutes. Little ones may be done a minute or two sooner, big ones may take a minute or two longer. Serve them to your guests or eat them all yourself, I won’t tell.

Happy Eating!

Crab Stuffed Mushrooms

4 portabella mushrooms, or about 36 cremini mushrooms
6-8 oz container of 100% crabmeat
1/2 small red onion
2 green onions
1 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp Lea & Perrins worcestershire
1 tsp parsley
1 tsp dill
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1/2 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise
1/4 cup crushed Rice Chex

Speaking of standing, have you ever heard that joke about how you can tell a male bell pepper from a female one? — the answer being that the female peppers have four nubs on the bottom, so they can stand on their own, but the male peppers only have three, so they fall over without another pepper to lean on.

It’s not actually true, the fruits of the pepper plant have no gender, and the number of feet is just genetic variation. Factual biology isn’t very funny after all. But it is true that the ones with more feet tend to have more space inside, so choose your serving size accordingly. You can fill anywhere from four very-large to eight rather-small peppers with this recipe.

The fastest way to clean them out is to use a pair of kitchen shears to snip straight down the inner ribs…

…then just reach in and pluck the guts out whole. Very efficient.

For the filling, first chop up 1 cup of cilantro, which is conveniently about one bunch, in grocery store packaging terms.

Also dice up 1 onion, and dump in two 4-oz. cans of diced green chiles. Don’t worry, “mild” in this case means truly mild, it’s not too spicy for kids at all.

Add in 2 teaspoons of cumin…

1 teaspoon of chili powder…

…and 1 teaspoon of salt.

Now mash around 1 pound of ground turkey until everything’s nice and meaty. Incidentally, I originally got this recipe from the fantastic Elana over at Elana’s Pantry, but somehow mine come out looking completely different than hers. I think she must use fresh chopped up turkey, even though her recipe says ground. It would certainly be a good way to use up leftover holiday poultry.

Stuff the meat mixture inside each pepper, making sure to press it all the way down into its little feminine feet.

Lay them in a greased dish, and bake at 350 degrees for an hour. If you’re especially fastidious in choosing well-footed peppers, you could save space and cook them all standing up, but only if you don’t overload them like I did here.

Mine are so crammed full of deliciousness, they couldn’t even make it down a chimney.

Happy Holiday Eating!

Stuffed Red Peppers

4-8 large red bell peppers
1 lb. ground turkey
1 cup fresh cilantro
1 onion
8 oz. diced green chiles
2 tsp cumin
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp salt

For this salmon we will, not surprisingly, be using a lemon. No fancy prep here, just cut it into several slices.

Then do the same with half of an onion, long thin slices.

Toss your salmon filet onto a large piece of greased foil, laid over a baking sheet for sturdiness. I used Spectrum coconut oil cooking spray if you’re curious, but oil is oil, it all prevents sticking. Then haphazardly arrange the lemon and onion slices all over.

Sprinkle 2 teaspoons of dill and 1/2 teaspoon of pepper over the top, then fold up the sides of  the foil like you’re making a little boat.

If your foil piece is big enough, you might be able to wrap the whole thing up in one package. If not, just get a second piece of foil and cover the top, making sure to pinch tightly around the edges so it isn’t leaking steam. Place the pan in a 350 degree oven for 15-20 minutes, depending on the thickness of your fish filet.

You have probably heard before that fish is done cooking when it flakes easily with a fork. The problem is, this also means it completely falls apart when you carve off servings to put on plates, and I didn’t think to take a picture of it until after I’d done that. So this salmon is sort of raggedy looking. But don’t let that fool you, it tastes fantastic. I mean, as fantastic as fish can taste in my book, anyway — but I find that the easier things are to cook, the better they taste to me, so by that measure it is truly fantastic after all!

Happy Eating!

Lemon Salmon

2 lb salmon filet
1 lemon
1/2 onion
2 tsp dill
1/2 tsp pepper

Wait, that doesn’t sound right — I mean for one thing, I don’t even get minimum wage.

Fortunately, I already had everything I needed to throw together some steak sandwiches, GFCF Lady style. You probably do, too. It really doesn’t require much. I started with one onion, cut into long strips and sauteed to extremes in a little oil. To get the onion fully soft and caramelized without burning, it helps to put a lid on the pan to trap in the moisture and cook it from all sides. I let the onion cook the whole time I was making everything else, so probably about 20 minutes in total.

Next, a steak marinated in Lea & Perrins worcestershire sauce. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!] I just laid it on a rack and tossed it under the broiler in my oven for about 6-8 minutes per side. (I’m morally opposed to using an outdoor grill when it’s still above 100 degrees after sunset, you know. But if you don’t live in a state adjacent to Hades itself, you might choose to see things differently. I’m also morally opposed to cleaning greasy pans, which is why I always line mine with foil.)

Meanwhile, I whipped up a tasty little sandwich spread by combining 2 Tablespoons of gluten-free mayonnaise (try Hellman’s if you’re looking for a national brand) and 2 teaspoons of worcestershire. The GFCF Husband likes to call this “flavornaise,” and I like to ignore him.

Thin slices of steak, thin slices of onion, thin slices of tomato, all on a sandwich-spreaded gluten-free bun. Oh my god y’all, it was so good.

But here’s a tip: do not, I repeat, do not put this on a round hamburger bun like I did. Use GF hot dog buns instead. There’s a reason this kind of sandwich typically gets put on a long roll, and for once the children weren’t the only ones making humongous messes on their plates. We gave up and got out forks within the first 3 bites. But man, I totally didn’t care.

Happy Eating!

Steak Sandwiches

1 onion
1-2 lb. steak
1 tomato
2 Tbs Hellman’s mayonnaise
2 tsp Lea & Perrins worcestershire
2-4 Kinnikinnick hot dog buns

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First, start with about 1 pound of gluten-free sausage. And look, Aidell’s has one that’s Cajun flavored. How relevant! [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!] Traditional jambalayas often contain shrimp as well, but I don’t really like crustaceans invading my red meat dishes, so I left it out. You are welcome to be more tolerant of our sea-friends if you would like.

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Chop those suckers up into half-moons, and add in 2 chopped green onions. This being a throw-it-all-together-and-walk-away recipe, it goes without saying that it will need to be made in a dutch oven. I don’t think you can substitute a crock pot for this one, because the rice has to have pressure in order to cook properly, but hey, maybe a diehard crockpotter out there will correct me.

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Measure out 2 cups of uncooked rice. I was going for a healthier edge the evening I cooked this, so I used brown, but white will work too.

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Now pour in an 8-ounce can of Muir Glen tomato sauce. (Yes, some tomato sauces have gluten. No, I can’t explain such silliness, I just know it’s true.)

But wait, you say! What’s all that liquid already in the pot? Well, the previous couple of photos came out blurry. Not just a little blurry, like the kind I make you suffer through all the time, but completely, unusably blurry. What it is, is 4 cups of Pacific Foods beef broth, and also a diced onion. You’ll just have to take my word for it.

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Also add in 6-8 ounces of sliced muhrooms. Using the jarred ones for this saved me time because they’re already thoroughly soft. If you use fresh mushrooms, you will want to sautee them in a pan before adding them in, because soft comfort food dishes do not taste good with big firm pieces of mushrooms in them.

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Of course it ain’t Jambalaya without a liberal dose of seasoning. Specifically, add 1 Tablespoon of parsley, 1/4 teaspoon of cayenne pepper, 1 teaspoon of thyme, and 1/2 Tablespoon of McCormick Cajun seasoning. If you use a similar seasoning blend from a different company, be sure to check for gluten, as spice blends are notorious for using white flour as filler.

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Give everything a thorough stirring, put on the lid, and cook for 90 minutes at 350 degrees.

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When it comes out, make sure you shout “Ai-yeeee!” like a real Cajun.

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Happy Eating!

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Jambalaya

1 lb. Aidell’s GF Andouille sausage
2 green onions
2 cups uncooked rice
4 cups Pacific Foods beef broth
1 medium onion
1 8-oz. can Muir Glen tomato sauce
6 oz. jarred, sliced mushrooms
1 TBS parsley
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp thyme
1/2 TBS McCormick cajun seasoning

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An important part of this dish is the texture: it should be smooth, almost like a gravy. So to that end, we’re going to do something a little special and actually blend this chopped onion into a fine pulp. Onions contain a fair amount of water, so you ought to be able to do this in a regular blender if you want.

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Next, pour the onion puree into a large, deep pan and start sauteeing it gently. You can add a little oil if you want, but you may find it’s not necessary since we’ve gone and released all the liquid from the onion already. Incidentally, this trick will work for a wide variety of dishes if your kids don’t like onions.

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Add in one Tablespoon of minced ginger…

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1/4 teaspoon of cumin…

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and 1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon.

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While your onion paste is cooking, chop up 2 medium tomatoes, then dump the whole cutting board’s worth into the pan, seeds and all.

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Turn the heat up a bit and stir frequently for 10-15 minutes. The goal is for the tomatoes to disintegrate completely. Also toss in 1 teaspoon of McCormick garam masala when you get a second. Don’t be thrown off by the foreign name; it’s a common spice blend and you’ll easily find it in your grocery store. But like all blends, cheapo-brands may try to cut it with plain flour, so be careful. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Stirring, stirring, stirring. This is a good cooking task to let a kid help out with, because it’s so shallow they’ll have a really hard time sloshing any over the side of the pan.

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Okay, we got the “Indian” part, now for the “Kidney Bean” part. You can use two cans of drained and rinsed beans, or go all out and cook your own (starting with 2 cups of dry beans.) If you use canned, double-check that they contain nothing but beans, water, and salt. Most brands are going to be plain like this, but every once in awhile you’ll find one that includes “natural flavors,” or unidentified seasonings… all sorts of potentially-glutenous crap. Why? Beats me. Just sell us beans, for Pete’s sake.

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Finally, add in roughly 1/2 teaspoon of salt. Canned beans will already have a certain amount of salt added, so go with your tastebuds on this one. It’s a very rough estimate.

You can serve this as a main dish with rice as is traditional, or make it a fantastic side. It’s especially good as a pot luck dish, if you ever find yourself attending that sort of thing.

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Happy Eating!

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Indian Kidney Beans (Rajma)

1 onion
1 Tbs minced ginger
1/4 tsp cumin
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp McCormick garam masala
2 tomatoes
2 cans (about 4 cups) cooked kidney beans
1/2 tsp salt

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The basics for just about any soup base: one onion, one carrot, and one stalk of celery. Dice them all up finely and toss them in a large dutch oven. I originally got this recipe from an old crock pot recipe book called Crockery Cookery, but I really strongly prefer my dutch oven. It’s bigger, it seals in moisture much better, and it cooks faster so I don’t have to remember to start it in the morning.

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Can’t have split pea soup without split peas, right?

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Like any package of dried beans, you’ll need to briefly pick them over. Spread the whole 16-ounce bag out onto a kitchen towel, and pick out any underripe peas or tiny rocks that may have snuck in. You’ll only end up with maybe 5-10 bad pieces, but nobody wants to eat even one rock, right? When you’re done, just lift the towel by the corners and dump all the peas into the dutch oven with the veggies.

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Pour in 8 cups of water.

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Now for the leprechaun meat — I mean, ham. I found these strange leg rounds at my grocery store, which is what inspired me to try this dish in the first place, because they had a big old bone in each one, and bones are great for soups. You could add several big chunks of ham like I did, or go minimal and add in just a ham bone, saved from some other meal (or maybe your butcher’s counter would just give you one they already trimmed the meat off of, you never know.)

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Stir in 1/2 teaspoon of salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of pepper. This is like the fundamental base of all seasoning. If you’re ever at a loss for how to flavor something, start with 1/2 tsp of salt and 1/4 tsp of pepper. It rounds out pretty much any recipe meant for about 4 people.

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Stir everything up a bit, put on the lid, and cook in a 325 degree oven for about 2 hours. If you’re curious, the basic conversion for any crock pot recipe into a dutch oven recipe is this: take the number of hours on LOW, and divide by 4. If the recipe calls for cooking on HIGH in the crock pot, divide by 2. The temperature of the oven is always 325 degrees.

This recipe originally called for 8-10 hours in a crock pot on LOW, so dividing by 4 gets you 2 to 2.5 hours in a dutch oven (with the real oven at 325 degrees.)

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When it’s done, pull out your cooked chunks of meat and dice them up into bite-sized pieces. Make sure to hunt down any bones you may have used, since they’ve probably separated from the meat by this point.

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Dump all your cut up meat back into the soup pot.

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Stir aggressively for a few minutes, and the last remaining structure of the peas will just disintegrate, making the texture smooth and thick.

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Did you know leprechaun goes really well with a nice moist cornbread?

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Happy Eating!

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Split Pea Soup

1 onion
1 carrot
1 celery stalk
16 oz. (1 lb.) bag split peas
8 cups water
1 ham bone, or several ham hocks
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper

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First thing you’ll want to do is cut up about 6 slices of bacon into fairly small pieces. Make sure your bacon is gluten-free, and preferably nitrate/nitrite free as well. I like Hormel Natural Choice, myself. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Sautee the bacon bits in a large pot, or a very deep pan with a lid. I know it looks like overkill now, but the need for all that pan space will become evident in a moment.

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Once the pieces are nice and crispy, scoop them out with a slotted spoon, and set them aside on a paper towel to drain.

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Use the bacon fat remaining in the pan to sautee one onion, and two cloves of minced garlic. See, we’re using every part of the bacon, just like the ancient tribes of… no, nevermind. It’s because it’s delicious, that’s why.

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While that’s cooking, take two bunches of kale, and cut out the main stem from each leaf by running your knife right down both sides of it. Chop the leaves into fairly large pieces, and lightly drop it all into the pan. It should take up a lot of space, kind of like a giant bowl of salad that you happen to have sitting on the stove.

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Gently turn the pile for about a minute, until the leaves are bright green and well-coated in bacon-ness. Please note that the right way to do this is with tongs. As long as you don’t actually touch the bottom of the pan, you probably won’t burn your fingers. I mean, I did, but I’m sure you’re more careful than I am. Or at least smarter, and thus willing to use tongs.

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Now pour about 1/4 cup of water into the pan…

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…and place the lid mostly over the top, leaving a small gap.

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Six to ten minutes later, you will be stunned at how much your kale has shrunk. But not for long, because you’ll be too busy salivating over the plate of bacon that’s been waiting patiently by your side, like a loyal friend. Ideally, the kale will be soft and wilted, but not overcooked and slimey. Better to take the lid off too early than too late, so keep an eye on it.

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Let’s not mince words here. You need to eat more vegetables. You want to eat more bacon. Now you don’t have to choose between the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other.

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Happy Eating!

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Kale with Bacon and Onion

2 bunches of kale, trimmed
6 slices of bacon
1 onion
2 cloves minced garlic
1/4 cup water

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Start with about a pound and a half of fresh green beans (or go with a bag of pre-cut frozen ones, I’ll never judge,) and boil them with a Tablespoon of salt for 10-15 minutes, until they’re tender. It’s important to salt the water because we won’t be using a canned cream of mushroom soup, so we have to replace at least some of that sodium content your tastebuds will be expecting.

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Meanwhile, take a 10 ounce package of sliced mushrooms, and slice them some more so the pieces are pretty small.

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Pour some oil in a very large pan, and begin sauteeing your diced mushrooms along with 3 cloves of minced garlic.

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Also add 1 Tablespoon of dried chopped onions. You can find this stuff in the seasoning aisle if you’ve never seen it before, or for that matter you could just use onion powder instead.

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While the mushrooms are softening up (and don’t forget those green beans still cooking in the pot,) scoop out 2 Tablespoons of potato starch into a small cup. You could also use cornstarch if you prefer, but either way make sure you choose a brand that’s pure, not mixed with any other substances.

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Mix in one Tablespoon of dry cooking sherry…

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…and 3/4 cup gluten-free chicken broth. Pacific Foods is one good option. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Stir it up with a fork until the potato starch is completely dissolved, then pour it into your mushroom pan.

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It should thicken right up within a minute or two.

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Once it does, add 3/4 cup of almond milk, and stir well.

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And that right there is dairy-free cream of mushroom soup! You could of course make that little mixture on a larger scale and serve it in bowls, if that strikes your fancy. But today, it’s getting a bunch of drained green beans dumped in instead.

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Also add in 1/2 teaspoon of pepper, and 2 teaspoons of salt.

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Pack it all into a 9 x 9 baking dish, and sprinkle flat-slivered almonds over the top. Classy and traditional. Bake it uncovered for 20 minutes at 350 degrees, and those almonds will become toasted and crispy: the perfect topping to the perfect side dish.

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Happy Eating!

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Green Bean Casserole

1 1/2 lbs. green beans
1 TBS salt
10 oz. mushrooms
3 cloves minced garlic
1 TBS dried chopped onions (or onion powder)
2 TBS potato starch
1 TBS dry sherry
3/4 cup GF chicken broth
3/4 cup almond milk
1/2 tsp pepper
2 tsp salt
3/4 cup flat-slivered almonds

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This recipe earns its south-of-the-border credentials right off the bat with a can of diced green chiles. Dump them into a pan with a diced onion and a little oil, and let it all start to get nice and soft. The mild green chiles are definitely kid-friendly; it’s about the flavor, not the heat. Of course you can go with a spicier blend if you prefer, but either way make sure your can has nothing but green chiles in it. There’s really no excuse for any added ingredients with this one.

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Meanwhile, cut up one roma tomato into chunks, and throw it into the pan as well, seeds and all.

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While your onions, peppers, and tomatoes continue to sautee, crack open 8 eggs and scramble them. A drinking glass works just as well as a bowl for this, by the way, and it’s easier to fit into the dishwasher.

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When the onions are translucent, pour in your eggs…

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…and stir them frequently as they cook. They’re going to tend to stick to the bottom of the pan a little more than plain scrambled eggs, so you have to keep them moving.

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When the eggs are about half-set, break up a corn tostada, or handful of 100% corn tortilla chips, and mix it into the pan. The tostada bits will absorb just enough moisture to still be firm like a corn tortilla, but not sharp enough to stab you in the roof of your mouth.

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Traditional migas call for cheese, so sprinkle some Daiya on top of your finished eggs if you want. Serve with salsa and slices of avocado for a traditional Mexican flavor, or a pile of bacon for an American slant. Or transcend the borders and go with both!

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Happy Eating!

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Migas

1 medium onion
1 can diced green chiles
1 roma tomato
8 eggs
1 corn tostada (or six 100% corn tortilla chips)
Daiya cheese substitute (optional)