You can easily make this an appetizer recipe too, if you happen to be lucky enough to have a party to attend. Just put the stuffing we’re going to make into a bunch of small mushrooms instead of 4 big portabellas. Portabellas will need a few minutes of pre-baking, though, so if you are keeping this meal all to yourself, then brush them with a little olive oil, and put them in the oven for 5 minutes at 350 degrees while you mix up the rest of it.

Can’t have crab stuffing without crab, can you? Important note: fake crab, sometimes labeled as “krab” but more often masquerading as the real thing, is made with wheat. Lots of it. Those crab sticks that go in sushi rolls are a prime example, they are jam-packed with gluten. Most of the crab you see in the market these days is going to be the fake stuff, so be very careful to choose a container that is only 100% real crab meat. You’ll want about 6 to 8 ounces of it.

Finely dice half of a red onion. Red onions tend to be stronger than white, which is good if you’re trying to balance a strong flavor like crab. But if you don’t like a lot of onion flavor, you can substitute a white one, or even sautee it before adding it in so it can caramelize a bit. Did you know that process is called pyrolysis? Well it is.

Slice up 2 green onions, and add them to your bowl along with 1 teaspoon of minced garlic, 1 teaspoon of lemon juice, and 1/2 teaspoon of Lea & Perrins worcestershire sauce. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change recipes without warning. Always check your labels!]

Dump in 1 teaspoon of parsely, 1 teaspoon of dill…

1/4 teaspoon of salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of pepper.

Now then, mix it all together with 1/2 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise. You can add a little more if the consistency is too dry, but don’t try to take any out because that totally won’t work.

Spoon your mixture into your mushrooms, be they big portabellas or little creminis.

Sprinkle with crushed Rice Chex or your preferred brand of gluten-free breadcrumbs, and bake them at 350 for about 12 minutes. Little ones may be done a minute or two sooner, big ones may take a minute or two longer. Serve them to your guests or eat them all yourself, I won’t tell.

Happy Eating!

Crab Stuffed Mushrooms

4 portabella mushrooms, or about 36 cremini mushrooms
6-8 oz container of 100% crabmeat
1/2 small red onion
2 green onions
1 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp Lea & Perrins worcestershire
1 tsp parsley
1 tsp dill
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1/2 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise
1/4 cup crushed Rice Chex

Wait, that doesn’t sound right — I mean for one thing, I don’t even get minimum wage.

Fortunately, I already had everything I needed to throw together some steak sandwiches, GFCF Lady style. You probably do, too. It really doesn’t require much. I started with one onion, cut into long strips and sauteed to extremes in a little oil. To get the onion fully soft and caramelized without burning, it helps to put a lid on the pan to trap in the moisture and cook it from all sides. I let the onion cook the whole time I was making everything else, so probably about 20 minutes in total.

Next, a steak marinated in Lea & Perrins worcestershire sauce. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!] I just laid it on a rack and tossed it under the broiler in my oven for about 6-8 minutes per side. (I’m morally opposed to using an outdoor grill when it’s still above 100 degrees after sunset, you know. But if you don’t live in a state adjacent to Hades itself, you might choose to see things differently. I’m also morally opposed to cleaning greasy pans, which is why I always line mine with foil.)

Meanwhile, I whipped up a tasty little sandwich spread by combining 2 Tablespoons of gluten-free mayonnaise (try Hellman’s if you’re looking for a national brand) and 2 teaspoons of worcestershire. The GFCF Husband likes to call this “flavornaise,” and I like to ignore him.

Thin slices of steak, thin slices of onion, thin slices of tomato, all on a sandwich-spreaded gluten-free bun. Oh my god y’all, it was so good.

But here’s a tip: do not, I repeat, do not put this on a round hamburger bun like I did. Use GF hot dog buns instead. There’s a reason this kind of sandwich typically gets put on a long roll, and for once the children weren’t the only ones making humongous messes on their plates. We gave up and got out forks within the first 3 bites. But man, I totally didn’t care.

Happy Eating!

Steak Sandwiches

1 onion
1-2 lb. steak
1 tomato
2 Tbs Hellman’s mayonnaise
2 tsp Lea & Perrins worcestershire
2-4 Kinnikinnick hot dog buns

I vote yes!

Before I started all this dang cooking so many years ago, I didn’t even know they made ground chicken. I mean, of course I knew they could, just like you could put a shoe in the meat grinder if that’s what you felt like grinding up that day. But oh, my eyes were opened. A chicken sandwich does not, in fact, have to come breaded and fried from a skeezy drive thru.

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The “Southwest” part of this recipe should be readily apparent here. But don’t be afraid, they’re not spicy. (Well, the mild ones aren’t, at least.) Toss in 2 Tablespoons with the same reckless abandon you would use with any other seasoning. In fact, I have it on good authority that reckless abandon itself is an excellent flavor enhancer.

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Also add in 3/4 teaspoon of chili powder…

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And 1/4 teaspoon each of salt and pepper.

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Smoosh it all together until it’s well-blended, and form 4 patties out of it. The mixture will be a little wetter than you are used to, and will distinctly need to be plopped into the pan rather than laid there. If you need to, just make them meatballs with your hands and then squash them flat in the pan.

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While they are cooking (about 6-7 minutes per side,) heat up your gluten-free buns. My store was out of our regular ones, so I ended up with this O’Doughs brand. They were okay. A little on the dense side for my tastes, but not crumbly or dry at all, which is good. For those of you who find the Kinnikinnick buns to be too lightweight and chewy, these may be a better fit for you. And of course, these have the added benefit of having actual sesame seeds on them, if appearance is an issue you have to consider.

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I really like using chipotle mayo with these, but you could do normal hamburger condiments as well.

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And, of course, an avocado rounds out the Southwestern theme. I adore avocado. If you are one of those people who doesn’t like them, well, we can still be friends — but it’s a little like insulting one of my children.

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Speaking of my children, no, they do not eat sprouts on their chicken sandwiches. But I do! These are radish sprouts, which are just the tiniest bit zesty. Horseradishy, if you will.

Please pay no attention to the fact that my burger has been constructed upside down. Obviously I wasn’t.

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Happy Eating!

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The GFCF Lady’s Southwest Chicken Burgers

1 lb ground chicken
2 TBS diced green chiles
3/4 tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper

GF hamburger buns
chipotle mayo
avocado
sprouts

Well that sort of grandma mystique is a really silly barrier to modern cooking. If it was good enough for your Nana, it’s good enough for us! She’d be proud to see you feeding your children with the same kind of simple love that she gave to you.

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And that word “simple” is key: egg salad is beyond simple, the way all the best recipes are. First, boil 8 eggs for 15 minutes at a rolling boil. (That means you don’t start the timer until the bubbles are fast and furious, not when that first tiny bubble emissary first drifts up from the bottom of the pot.) I don’t have a picture of my pot here because the truth is I boiled my eggs days ago. They were on the cusp of going bad so I went ahead and cooked them to give them a new lease on life. Just make sure you write a big H on the shell so you know which ones you did.

Peel the cooked eggs and dice them up with an egg slicer. This ingenious little tool is something that no kitchen should ever be without. Just slide the wires through in one direction, then lift and rotate the egg a quarter turn so you can go the other direction. You can do mushrooms with it too!

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Add 3 Tablespoons of Hellman’s mayonnaise to your bowl of egg bits. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!] I don’t know why, but it always tickles my funny bone to remember that mayonnaise is mostly made with egg whites, so this is really eggs mixed with more eggs here. I know, I have a strange sense of humor.

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Also add 1 Tablespoon of French’s yellow mustard. Go all gourmet with a gluten-free brown mustard if you’d prefer, but I think Nana might disapprove.

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What’s going to happen as you mix everything together is the yolks of the eggs will disintegrate and become part of the sauce, while the whites stay nice and firm. Using a fork will help speed the process along.

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Toast up some gluten-free bread, slap on a few pieces of lettuce, and you’re done! I got lazy over the summer and started buying prebaked loaves of GF bread a lot, though I’m trying to get back into doing more baking at home to save money. But if you’re curious, this is Food For Life millet bread. It has earned the approval of even non-GF eaters, though it’s important to note that it must be toasted before it can clear the bar. Of course it’s all just a delivery vehicle for this classic, comforting, perfectly grandmotherly egg salad, so you might not even notice the bread anyway.

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Happy Eating!

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Egg Salad

8 eggs, hardboiled
3 TBS Hellman’s mayonnaise
1 TBS French’s yellow mustard

You’d think boiling the eggs would be a no-brainer, but you’ve got to do it right or they won’t peel cleanly. Start with 18 eggs in a pot of cold water, and turn the heat to high. Once the water reaches a rolling boil (that is, giant bubbles splashing everywhere, not tiny little simmery things,) then start your timer for 15 minutes.

You’re destined to lose a few eggs during the boiling process, like this one that exploded spectacularly underwater right before my eyes. But we can still use the yolk in the filling mixture, and the white can be set aside for taste-testing purposes. I can always find at least a couple that are just not pretty enough to go on the plate, and I have no choice but to eat them right then and there.

Once you’ve drained the pot, set it in the sink and refill it with cold water, then plunge the eggs back in. This will cause the insides to shrink back from the shell, and they will come out nice and smooth when you peel them.

Then cut all those little suckers in half lengthwise…

And drop the yolks into a large mixing bowl. If they’re cooked right, you should be able to just give the egg a little squeeze and it will pop right out.

Mash them up with a fork until you’ve gotten all the large lumps out.

Okay, sure, there can be a few lumps left. We’ll continue to work on those as we add the wet ingredients. First, mix in 3 Tablespoons of French’s yellow mustard. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas at any time. Always check your labels!]

Then add 2 Tablespoons of pickle relish. Most major brands are gluten free, but sadly enough some aren’t, so double check yours. It’s up to you whether you go for sweet or dill relish — generally I would say dill, but this time I’m using a spicy-sweet specialty brand called Wickles. I could eat that stuff with a spoon, I tell you.

Then add 1 Tablespoon of Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce (make sure you use the original flavor, as their lighter “chicken” worcestershire sauce is not dairy-free.)

And 1/4 teaspoon of McCormick’s celery salt.

Finally, add in 2/3 cup of Hellman’s mayonnaise. As a relatively bland ingredient, the mayonnaise’s role is entirely for smoothing out the texture. So to that end, you don’t want to put in too much, or your filling will get runny, and then the only way to fix it will be to boil more eggs and harvest the extra yolks. I personally like to go cautiously and start with 1/2 cup of mayo, and add in more as necessary, but I freely admit that I take my deviled eggs very seriously.

Swipe about a Tablespoon of filling into each egg half with a spoon, smoothing the top a little so it’s at least moderately attractive. If you want to get really fancy, you can scrape the filling into an icing bag and squirt it in all decoratively. But an upside-down spoon’s good enough for me.

Finally, sprinkle the tops with paprika. Such a pretty spice.

And you’re ready to go! This is an especially nice hors d’oeuvre if you’re trying to cook a GFCF holiday meal for extended family members who aren’t used to eating on strange diets, because other than some judicious brand selection on your part, the ingredients are the same as you would find in a traditional recipe. Heck, with the right collection of recipes, your family might even get through the whole meal without realizing it was restricted to begin with.

Happy Eating!

The GFCF Lady’s Deviled Eggs

18 eggs
3 TBS French’s yellow mustard
2 TBS Wickles relish
1 TBS Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire
1/4 tsp McCormick celery salt
2/3 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise

Granted, plain white potatoes are not really that nutritious in the grand scheme of things, but they can be an excellent vehicle for a wide variety of toppings. Like a lot of meals, they aren’t traditionally GFCF, what with all the butter and cheese and sour cream, but who wants to be traditional anyhow? A little creativity goes a long way.

But before we can revel in our topping choices, we have to get our potato into a baked state of mind. First, jab it liberally on all sides with a fork. (If you don’t, you will have yourself an exploding potato instead.)

Then wrap it loosely in a paper towel, and microwave it for 4 and a half minutes. Now, this is important: take it out of the microwave and let it sit for another 5 minutes. It will continue to cook as it rests, so that by the end the middle will be perfectly cooked without the outside being overdone.

If you are making several potatoes instead of just one or two, you may want to do it the slow but simultaneous way, which is to put all of them in a 350 degree oven for one hour. Of course you don’t want to put a paper towel in the oven, but the fork-jabbing step is still quite necessary, believe me.

Now, on to the toppings! Today I decided I was going to go with kind of a modified version of a BLT, because I had some leftover bacon in the refrigerator. “Leftover” is a bit disingenuous, actually, since it’s always part of my plan when I make bacon to cook a few extra slices so I’ll have some ready to use in a salad or whatever later in the week. See here for a description of how I make bacon in the oven with zero effort and very little mess. Unfortunately, this wasn’t destined to be a true BLT, because I didn’t have any lettuce, and I wasn’t convinced the texture would be that good on the potato anyway.

But I did include what I consider to be a vital part of a BLT, and that’s chipotle mayo! The chiles in Sriracha (also sometimes known as Rooster Sauce) are not truly chipotles, but they get the point across. You could mix in real chipotles in adobo, or even dried chipotle spice or chili powder, whatever you have on hand. The proportions are a little fuzzy; start with 1 teaspoon of spicy stuff in 2-3 Tablespoons of mayonnaise, and go from there. Not all mayonnaises are gluten-free, but Hellman’s actually prints it right on the label for us, isn’t that nice of them? [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!] And, if you mix it up in one of these tiny single-serving disposable tupperware things, then you can just pop a lid on whatever you don’t use and save it for a sandwich or GF tortilla wrap later in the week. Efficiency is your friend!

And here we have my completed Bacon-Tomato-Chipotle-Mayo potato. (Read that out loud once or twice, it’s fun.) I was really wishing for some fresh green onions to go with it as well, but my empty refrigerator mocked me in this regard. But what’s important to understand is that anything, absolutely anything, can go on a baked potato. Meats, beans, veggies, GFCF dressings, guacamole… If you’re not up for baking gluten-free hamburger buns, for example, you could just fill a baked potato with ground beef and hamburger fixings. Or rather than always buying the expensive gluten-free pastas, you could fill one with chicken and spaghetti sauce. Why, just a few days ago I even made one with Thanksgiving leftovers:

That’s turkey, cranberry sauce, and some extra deviled egg filling I still had hanging around after I’d already filled all my egg halves to overflowing.  This was one of my favorite baked potato combinations I’ve ever eaten, and believe me, I’ve made a lot.

Happy Eating!

I think this is perhaps my favorite photo I have ever taken (excluding certain photos of my adorable offspring, towards which I have an obvious bias.) Just goes to show that if you take enough pictures, some are going to turn out great no matter how mediocre of a photographer you are. Funny side note: a friend of mine asked me recently about what sort of lighting I use for the photos on this site. Uh, it’s just my kitchen fluorescents and the camera flash, y’all. I mean, I love you and everything, but I’m not going to work that hard at it. I’ve got food to cook!

Here’s a less gorgeous photo of that same pasta so you can see what the bag looks like. I think we’ve settled on this as our favorite GF pasta, but I reserve the right to change my opinion in the future.

So, while we boil about 8 oz. of that pasta, let’s make the sauce. The base is Marie’s Coleslaw dressing, which is absolutely delicious. It’s over in the refrigerated section with the pre-bagged lettuce in my grocery store, not on the shelf with the other dressings. Not all Marie’s flavors are dairy-free, so don’t just grab one willy-nilly, it has to be the Coleslaw flavor. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

Pour half the jar into a bowl, and save the rest for a salad (or another batch of this pasta, once you discover your family has devoured it all.) Then add 6 Tablespoons of Hellmann’s mayonnaise.

1 Tablespoon of sugar…

And 1 Tablespoon of almond milk.

Then, dice 2 ribs of celery. I like the pieces pretty small, so I cut the stalk into fourths before dicing along the ends.

Then add 1/2 cup of dried cranberries. If you use a different brand, make sure you double-check that they’re not dusted with flour to prevent sticking.

Finally, add 1/2 a teaspoon of dried, minced onion. (Onion powder would work too.)

Now, meanwhile, your pasta will have produced this nasty sludge, because that’s what GF pastas do.

I actually like to drain it about halfway through, give it a really good rinse, and refill the pot with new water before returning it to the heat.

This gives the pasta a chance to clear the coooked-rice sludge out of the middle of the tubes while it finishes cooking, which I think helps the flavor and texture dramatically. Plus, it just looks a lot less gross sitting there on the stove.

See? All clean! When the pasta’s really done cooking, make sure you rinse it in the strainer until it’s not hot anymore, otherwise it will do funky things to the mayonnaise.

Now this step is critical: cover it and put it in the fridge for at least 6-8 hours. It needs time for the flavors to blend and mellow, especially the cranberries and the celery. Plus, the sauce will thicken, which is good because right now you’re going to be thinking, “What the heck is this nonsense? It’s way too watery!” Trust me, the cranberries and celery are going to soak up all that extra moisture.

I wish I had a picture of this all displayed nicely on a plate, but the truth is, I took it to a potluck that night, and it was basically all eaten. And keep in mind, this was not some weird GFCF potluck, I just put this on the table next to all the other food and only the people who knew it was mine had any idea.

Happy Eating!

The GFCF Lady’s Pasta Salad

8 oz. GF pasta elbows
1/2 jar (6 oz.) Marie’s Coleslaw dressing
6 TBS Hellmann’s mayonnaise
1 TBS sugar
1 TBS almond milk
2 ribs celery
1/2 cup dried cranberries
1/2 tsp dried, minced onion (or onion powder)

When cooking for kids, often the texture of a dish is just as important–if not more important–than the taste. And one thing kids are not usually fond of is chunks, especially “chunks coated in slime,” which is how I once heard a particularly eloquent young lady describe potato salad. Mashed potatoes, on the other hand, are always a big hit, at least with all the kids I’ve ever met. Thus, I present to you the best of both worlds: Smashed Potato Salad!

We start with 3 lbs. of medium gold potatoes, cut into quarters.

Boil them until fork-tender, about 10-15 minutes.

Meanwhile, hardboil 3 eggs. (That’s 15 minutes at a full rolling boil, in case no one’s ever specified. I used to have so much trouble peeling my hardboiled eggs until I discovered by accident that I wasn’t cooking them quite long enough.)

While those pots are going, mix together 3/4 cup Hellmann’s mayonnaise, 1/4 cup Grey Poupon, 1 TBS brown sugar, and 2 TBS lemon juice. [As always, the brand names I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change their formulas without warning. Always double-check your labels.]

Stir until the sugar has fully dissolved, and then add 1/2 tsp Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce, 1 tsp pepper, and 1 tsp salt.

When the potatoes are done, drain them and rinse with cold water to stop the cooking process.

See how the peels just fall right off after the potatoes are cooked? It’s so much easier than scraping them all by hand with a vegetable peeler.

After you’ve discarded the peels, mash the potatoes. It’s up to you how chunky you want the final product to be, but I recommend nothing bigger than a half-inch or so.

If I can crack an egg with one hand, you’d better believe I can peel one with one hand, too. I just love action shots with water, they always look so cool. Anyway, as you can see, the eggs are done and now we’re peeling them.

And now we’re using my favorite kitchen tool of all time, the egg slicer. I wish everything were this fun to dice.

Add 1 tsp of minced garlic (or two cloves, if you have fresh garlic lying around, but I never do, so I use this handy jarred stuff.)

Make sure the potato mixture is cool, and then add in the dressing. Stir and stir until it’s completely incorporated. Now, this is one of those dishes that needs to sit in the refrigerator for awhile to let the flavors mellow and blend. Trust me, if you taste it now, you’ll say to yourself, “Ugh! That’s way too overpowering, no child would ever eat that! The GFCF Lady is a fraud!” But let it sit for at least an hour, and the potatoes will soak up all those delicious flavors and balance everything out, I promise.

Oh man, that’s what I’m talking about. I could eat this stuff all day long.

Happy Eating!

The GFCF Lady’s Smashed Potato Salad

3 lbs. medium gold potatoes
3 eggs
3/4 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise
1/4 cup Grey Poupon
1 TBS brown sugar
2 TBS lemon juice
1/2 tsp Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce
1 tsp pepper
1 tsp salt
1 tsp (2 cloves) minced garlic