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The good news is, cauliflower is the ninja of the vegetable world. Nevermind how much it makes me want to gag, I have to admit it’s really rather bland when you get right down to it. You can hide it in just about anything. First, though, you need to cook it. I usually buy mine frozen, because I’m lazy, and cutting up a head of cauliflower makes a gigantic mess on the countertop. But whether it’s fresh or frozen, just boil it in a pot of water for a good 15 minutes or so, until it’s very tender.

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When you drain the pot, save the water in a separate bowl, because you’ll probably need some of it back in a minute for consistency’s sake. You should be able to mash the big pieces up with a fork quite easily.

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Add in a Tablespoon or two of Fleischmann’s Unsalted Margarine (not the Original salted flavor,) because that always improves the taste of just about anything, really.

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Then beat everything to a fine pulp with a hand mixer (or even a blender, if your kids are very sensitive to texture,) adding some of the reserved cooking water back in a little at a time until it’s approaching smooth. You could use fresh water if you wanted, but the cooking water contains whatever nutrients you lost in the boiling process, so why not use it?

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Eventually you will get something that kind of resembles mashed potatoes, but not really. I actually once tried to serve this to the kids straight up, pretending it was mashed potatoes, but they weren’t fooled. However, mix it into a full batch of real mashed potatoes, so your ratio is only maybe 30-40% cauliflower, and they’ll have no idea. Other places you could hide this ninja vegetable puree include soups, smoothies, or any strong-flavored dish with a thick sauce base. Start with just a tablespoon or two if you have to, and before you know it they’ll be eating cauliflower by the floret.

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Happy Eating!

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Mashed Cauliflower

1 head of cauliflower, or about 12 oz. frozen
1-2 Tbs Fleischmann’s Unsalted Margarine

First we mix the dry ingredients. Stir together 1 cup of white rice flour, and 1 cup of corn meal, being sure to select a brand of corn meal that isn’t mixed with wheat flour.

Then mix in 1/4 cup sugar, 1 Tablespoon of Argo baking powder, and 1 teaspoon of salt. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

And of course the magic fairy dust of gluten-free baking, xanthan gum. If you haven’t made the leap yet to doing your own baking, don’t be scared of this stuff. It’s just 1/2 teaspoon of magic fairy dust, that’s all. No biggie.

Now for the wet ingredients. First, melt one stick plus another two Tablespoons of Fleischmann’s Unsalted Margarine (not Original) in a large bowl in the microwave.

Then we’re going to add two cans of corn. But one will be a normal can of corn, drained of its extra liquid…

And one will be an undrained can of cream style corn. Note the word “style:” this is a case where a cheap generic brand will be to your benefit, because it will not actually contain any dairy. Mine is pretty much just corn, water, and salt, partially blended to resemble… something creamy, I guess.

Break two eggs into the bowl. One-handed is not a requirement, it just makes you look cool. (You could also substitute 4 Tablespoons of potato starch mixed into 2 Tablespoons of water, if you wanted to make it egg-free.)

Then mix in one container of plain coconut milk yogurt. Or you could go with soy instead, if that’s what you’re into. But I’m definitely not into that, myself.

And finally, 1/4 cup of honey. See that funky measuring cup I’m holding? It’s part of this awesome set I got for Christmas, which are designed as a collection of nesting Russian dolls. Cool, huh?

Finally, mix the wet with the dry, and stir vigorously.

Scrape it all into a well-oiled 9×13 baking dish, and smooth everything into place. Unlike the majority of gluten-free batters, this one is wet enough that you can just use a spatula instead of pressing it into place with your hand. Lucky you!

Bake for 45-50 minutes at 350 degrees, and you’ll end up with something like this. Firm enough to be cut into squares like corn bread, but richer and sweeter: corn casserole!

Happy Eating!

The GFCF Lady’s Corn Casserole

1 cup white rice flour
1 cup corn meal
1/4 cup sugar
1 TBS GF baking powder
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp xanthan gum

1 1/4 sticks Fleischmann’s Unsalted margarine (NOT Original)
1 can corn, drained
1 can cream-style corn
2 eggs
1 container coconut milk yogurt
1/4 cup honey

I know you already know how to assemble your basic GFCF taco, so really this is about the preparation of the fish. Step one is to rinse the slime off your fish filets. Always rinse your fish — for one thing, it’ll help any seasonings or marinades absorb better, and for another, you won’t be eating slime.

Make sure you pat them completely dry with paper towels on all sides. Then slice them into decent-sized chunks for tacos. At this point, of course, you could roll them in GF breading and make fish sticks, but we’ll save that for another time.

Melt 2 Tablespoons of Fleischmann’s Unsalted (not Original) Margarine, then mix in 1/4 teaspoon of cumin…

…And 1/8 teaspoon of garlic powder. None of the appropriately-sized measuring spoons were clean, so I improvised. I don’t have it in me to run the dishwasher more than once a day, or do dishes by hand just because we don’t have any more. If this means I’m serving something like hamburgers in bowls, so be it.

Lay your fish pieces in a greased baking dish, and brush the garlic butter liberally over the tops. Then bake in a 450 degree oven for only about 4-7 minutes, until the fish is flaking apart easily when you poke at it with a fork.

And the rest is just dressing. Or fixins, as we say down here. Corn tortilla, rice tortilla, salsa, guacamole, beans, whatever you fancy. Your fish is ready for it, bring it on!

Happy Eating!

Fish Tacos

2 fish filets
2 Tbs Fleischmann’s Unsalted Margarine (not Original)
1/4 tsp cumin
1/8 tsp garlic
Toppings as desired

I know I will be making this turkey in a few weeks for at least one of our various Christmas gatherings, but it seems kind of pointless to post it long after the major turkey holiday, when everyone needs it most. On the other hand, there’s no way I can justify cooking an entire turkey for my household twice in one month, on top of the piles of yummy leftovers my aunt will no doubt send us home with.

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to post just the text of the recipe, and after I actually cook it in December I’ll come back and update with pictures for future reference. Sound good? Good.

The thing that makes this recipe great is you make the gravy from scratch right alongside the turkey. On the one hand, it’s a teeny-tiny bit of extra work, but on the other hand, you’re not going to find a premade gravy or mix of any kind that’s gluten-free, so you’re kind of stuck doing that anyway. And trust me, if you’ve never had truly homemade gravy, prepare to be blown away by the difference in taste.

But first, the turkey. You’re going to want one that’s about 16-18 pounds, and comes with the giblets included. Pull that little package of giblets out of the cavity of the turkey, and set it aside. Then rinse the whole turkey off under the faucet, and pat it dry with paper towels. You will look ridiculous trying to strongarm this huge bird in and out of the sink, so don’t even try not to. When you set it on the rack, tuck the wings down underneath the legs, and tie the ends of the drumsticks together with a bit of string so it’s not flopping bird parts all over the place.

If you’re not the kind of person who ever buys fresh herbs, now is really the time to give in. You’ll need a handful each of fresh rosemary and sage. Stick one or two sprigs of each into the turkey cavity, and finely chop up the rest. Throw a couple pinches of salt and pepper into the cavity too, for good measure.

In a small pot, melt 4 Tablespoons of Fleischmann’s Unsalted margarine - not the “Original” (salted) flavor, which has casein. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without notice. Always check your labels!] Mix in 3 Tablespoons each of chopped rosemary and sage, 1 Tablespoon of black pepper, and 4 teaspoons of salt.

Now here’s the fun part. Take another two Tablespoons of margarine, and cut each one into fourths. Make tiny cuts all over the skin of your turkey, and insert these little knobs of margarine underneath. Just shove them right in there between the skin and the meat, so they look like a mouse under a rug. Once it goes in the oven they’ll melt and spread out, and you will end up with the most amazingly moist turkey you ever sank your teeth into.

By now your herb-margarine concoction on the stove should be nice and melty, so it’s time to brush it all over the surface of the turkey. Go ahead and use it all, even if it’s dripping down the sides already. No use letting it go to waste.

Place your turkey in a 325 degree oven, and let it roast untouched for 1 hour. After that, reach in and baste it every 20-30 minutes or so while it cooks for another 2 hours and 45 minutes. Adjust by 15 minutes in either direction if you have a slightly smaller or slightly larger turkey; in any case it’s done when a meat thermometer jabbed into the thigh reads 180 degrees.

But don’t walk away from the kitchen just yet! You probably have some other side dishes you want to start working on, yes? You can do that for now, but later, when the turkey has about an hour and a half left to cook, it’s time to get started on the gravy.

In a large pot, dump in the contents of your giblets bag, along with 5 1/2 cups of gluten-free chicken broth, one onion cut into quarters, and one bay leaf. Bring this to a boil and let it simmer for about an hour. It should hopefully be reduced to about 3 cups of liquid in this time. Strain all the big pieces out and throw them away.

In a large pan, melt another 6 Tablespoons of dairy-free margarine. Dice up two more onions as finely as you can manage, and start sauteeing them over low heat. About ten minutes in, add 1 Tablespoon each of rosemary and sage, and continue sauteeing until the onions are golden brown and carmelized. Sprinkle in 1/3 cup of the gluten-free flour of your choice (I’ll probably be using Bob’s Red Mill All-Purpose, but I may end up trying sorghum flour this time since it’s a little finer-grained. The onion and herbs should overpower any slight flavor your flour might impart, so it shouldn’t really matter what you use.)

Give the flour about a minute to cook while you stir continuously, and then gradually whisk the turkey stock into the pan with the onions. Remember the turkey stock? Hopefully it’s still sitting back there on your stove, and hasn’t been stolen for a delectable soup by some roving chef.

Simmer the gravy pan for a few minutes to thicken it. Add in another teaspoon of rosemary and sage if you’re so inclined.

Now then! Your kitchen should be smelling amazing at this point, and the turkey should be about ready to come out of the oven. Carefully transfer that behemoth to your serving plate, and make a tent out of foil to keep it warm until it’s time to eat. Then carefully, carefully pour the juices from the roasting pan into a large measuring cup. After it’s been sitting for a few minutes, the fat will all rise to the top and you can scoop it right off with a spoon and throw it away.

While your pan juices are resting and separating, pour 1/2 cup of balsamic vinegar into a small saucepan, and simmer until it’s reduced to 1/4 cup, which should only take 3-4 minutes.

Here comes the tricky part. Once you’ve skimmed off the fat, start pouring your turkey juices into the gravy, but hold some back if it looks like it’s going to get too watery. Then, start adding the balsamic vinegar one Tablespoon at a time until you have a taste you like. It’s very hard to give an exact measurement, because it’s impossible to know if your turkey stock reduced to exactly three cups, or how much juice came off your particular turkey. But be brave and don’t skip it altogether, because it really adds an incredible depth to the gravy. And of course, make sure you’re using real 100% balsamic vinegar, and not some weird “balsamic-flavored” vinegar that might contain gluten.

Pour the gravy into some nice boat-like serving container, carve your turkey, and make sure Uncle Wally doesn’t take all the mashed potatoes before everyone else has had a chance. And then be prepared for a lot of lavish thanks, as your family admires your astoundingly awesome Thanksgiving turkey.

Happy Eating!

GFCF Thanksgiving Turkey with Balsamic Onion Gravy

For the turkey:
1 16-18 lb. turkey (with giblets)
6 Tbs Fleischmann’s Unsalted Margarine, divided
3 Tbs fresh rosemary, plus a whole sprig
3 Tbs fresh sage, plus a whole sprig
1 Tbs black pepper
4 tsp salt

For the gravy:
5 1/2 cups GF chicken broth
giblets from turkey
1 onion, quartered
1 bay leaf

6 Tbs Fleischmann’s Unsalted Margarine
2 onions, diced finely
1 Tbs rosemary
1 Tbs sage
1/3 cup Bob’s All-Purpose GF flour
1/2 cup balsamic vinegar

So what’s a GFCF mom to do? Well, making great homemade mashed potatoes isn’t hard at all, if you have a good recipe. And hey, if we’re bothering to make our own mashed potatoes, we might as well make them perfectly, right?

First, peel your pile of potatoes. (And say that ten times fast.) This is approximately 2.5 pounds of potatoes, based on the fact that it’s about half of a standard 5-pound bag. Use the other half for Potato Salad or Tandoori Chicken later in the week. Or, double the recipe and save the leftovers for Shepherd’s Pie. Oh humble potato, is there anything you can’t do?

Chop them into decent-sized chunks, and boil for about 20-30 minutes, until they are really thoroughly cooked. When you stab a fork in to check them, the piece should pretty much just fall in half. This is more cooked than you would want for, say, potato salad, where you expect the potatoes to retain a little firmness.

Drain the potatoes and return them to the pot. See how they’re all falling apart on their own back there? Now add 4 Tablespoons (aka 1/4 cup) of Fleischmann’s Unsalted Margarine. Make sure you do not use the Original flavor; only the unsalted kind is dairy-free. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

Stir everything around until the margarine is melted, then pour in about 1/3 to 1/2 cup of almond milk. You’re never going to get exactly the same amount of potatoes in any given batch, and the threshold between dry and soupy can be very thin. So start with a little less and add with caution as needed.

Look at that fluffy, perfectly smooth texture! You’d never believe I managed that with a spoon and a bicep. Actually, that’s because I didn’t, I used the hand mixer like any normal human being. That thing will hunt down and decimate any remaining lumps in no time flat. If you have persistent lumps, that’s a good indication that the potatoes weren’t boiled for long enough. It’s really very hard to overboil potatoes.

You’ll want to add at least 1/2 teaspoon of salt, especially since we used unsalted margarine. Some people may prefer more, but 1/2 teaspoon is a good starting point.

And if you want to be all snazzy, add a teaspoon of parsley and declare them to be herbed mashed potatoes.

You could also add a teaspoon of minced garlic if that’s your thing, but I like them just the way they are: perfect.

Happy Eating!

Perfect Mashed Potatoes

2.5 pounds russet potatoes
4 TBS Fleischmann’s unsalted margarine (NOT Original flavor)
1/3 cup almond milk
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp parsley

We start with two cans of pears in 100% juice. Drain the first can into a glass and set it aside, because we’re going to use it for the sauce. The other one can go down the sink, unless you feel like making your kids drink pear juice at breakfast or something.

Start sauteeing the pears in 2 Tablespoons of Fleischmann’s unsalted margarine (not the “original” flavor.) [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change their recipes at any time. Always check your labels!] Give them a good 5-7 minutes on each side, until they start getting a nice brown color.

Meanwhile, dice up two shallots. If you’ve never used shallots, they’re like the illegitimate love child of onion and garlic. Little clove shapes like garlic, with layered insides like an onion, and the taste… well, it’s like onion and garlic together. It’s amazingly delicious, is what I’m saying.

Once the pears are golden, set them aside.

In the same pan the pears came from, add another two Tablespoons of margarine and the shallots.

Sprinkle in a rounded teaspoon of thyme, and sautee everything together until the shallots are softened, about 2-3 minutes.

Meanwhile, start your pork chops in a second pan. (You could also do this with chicken breasts instead, if you want.) Just salt both sides and sautee them over medium heat in a little olive oil, nothing fancy. We’re saving all our fancy for the sauce, you see.

Add 1/4 cup of sweet white cooking wine to the pan of shallots, and let it boil off for a few minutes until it’s reduced to a glaze.

Once it’s nice and gooey, then add in 1/3 cup of the pear juice you saved…

…and also 1 cup of almond milk.

Don’t forget to flip your pork chops, by the way.

Keep simmering the sauce until it thickens. You should be able to drag a spoon through it and leave a hole.

Now I will be the first to admit, this meal is not particularly visually appealing. The three colors are each fine by themselves, I guess, but put together they look terrible. I blame the almond milk; it just makes for an ugly sauce, every time. But please don’t let that stop you from trying this, because the taste–oh, the taste is heaven. The shallots, and the sweetness of the pears, and… seriously, eat the first bite with your eyes closed and try to tell me I’m wrong. You won’t be able to, because you’ll be too busy cramming bites 2, 3 and 4 into your mouth one after the other. It’s that good.

Happy Eating!

Pork Chops with Pears

2-4 pork chops
4 TBS Fleischmann’s unsalted margarine
2 cans of pears in 100% juice
2 shallots
1 rounded tsp. thyme
1/4 cup sweet white cooking wine
1 cup almond milk
1/3 cup pear juice from can

Bet you never thought you’d see this again, huh? So creamy and delicious. Pasta covered with cheese sauce is pretty much the mortal enemy of the GFCF diet, the antithesis of everything it stands for. But it doesn’t have to be…

First, we start with an acceptable pasta: corn macaroni. There are several brands of rice pasta available as well. Generally we prefer the corn, but it depends on the recipe. Since the cheese sauce we’ll be making is rice-based, it just seems preferable to me to switch it up with the pasta ingredients. But they’re both pretty bland, so whatever floats your boat.

Get the pasta boiling, like you do with pasta.

Now, here comes the cheese sauce. These are Galaxy Foods Rice Cheese slices. Important note: NOT ALL Galaxy fake-cheese products are casein-free. Many fake-cheeses (of all brands) are aimed at people who only need to avoid lactose, and they are actually chock full of casein. Be extra, extra careful when buying cheese substitutes. This is the pepper jack flavor, but you may prefer the cheddar flavor–I think the peppers help to hide the not-cheese taste, but it definitely has a bit of a kick to it.

This recipe is extremely scalable, you can mix up enough for ten people or just one. I’m making three servings, so I’m tearing up three slices of rice cheese in my little bowl.

Now a little almond milk: 1/2 Tablespoon per serving, so for three servings, this is 1 1/2 TBS.

And fake butter. Use 1/2 teaspoon per serving, so 1 1/2 tsp for me. This stuff in a tub is nice because you can scoop out exactly the amount you need, and don’t have to worry about trying to cut skinny little slices off your sticks of fake-butter. (Once again, it’s important to note that not all of the Smart Balance “buttery spreads” are casein-free, and some of the packages look remarkably similar. I think this one marked “now with flax oil” might be the only one, in fact. Always check your labels!)

Microwave on high for 30 seconds at a time, until everything is melted. Why am I stirring this with a knife? I have no idea.

Then just add it to your drained pasta. Couldn’t be easier!

And hey, the yellow color of the pasta even makes it look like I used a yellow cheese! In the interest of full disclosure, I will tell you that I’m not personally in love with this recipe. It doesn’t taste bad by any means–it’s by far the best one we’ve tried–but I just can’t get past the fact that it still doesn’t taste “right.” This is why I generally advocate the philosophy of Avoid, Rather Than Replace. But all the kids love it, and so does the GFCFHusband, so clearly it’s just my own hangup. Sometimes the kids just gotta have their mac and cheese, you know? When they’re happy, I’m happy.

Happy Eating!

Quick GFCF Mac and Cheese (Makes one serving)

1/2 cup corn macaroni elbows
1 slice Galaxy Rice Cheese Slices (double check for casein-free kind!)
1/2 TBS almond milk
1/2 tsp GFCF margarine

Start with two butternut squashes, about 3 pounds total. If your children see you cooking them, tell them that they’re just “funny-shaped pumpkins.” Kids are dumb, especially if they think they’ll get pie out of the deal. The top stem is the hardest to cut through, so I always start along the side, then rotate it up on its end to get the most leverage.

Scoop out all the seeds and gunk.

Lay two halves on a plate, and cover them in saran wrap. Make sure to get around the bottom too, or else the skin will leave this waxy residue on the plate that is nearly impossible to get off. Cook it in the microwave on high for about 8-9 minutes. You can’t do all four at once, unless you have a gargantuan microwave, and even then, the cooking time would be off. So just get the second one ready and waiting.

Meanwhile, add 1/3 cup sugar to a large mixing bowl, and 1/4 cup almond milk.

Crack in two eggs, and try to ignore the creepy face that’s staring back at you now.

This is my newest discovery at my grocery store: powdered vanilla extract. The key here is that extracts are usually suspended in alcohol, and often these are grain alcohols; i.e. gluten. I don’t know how they magically make it into a powder, but the taste is exactly the same, and you use the same amount of it as you would regular liquid vanilla. I’d already hunted down a liquid extract that was gluten-free, but you know what? This one says it right on the label, and I like to support companies that do that. So I’ve switched. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your ingredient lists.]

So on top of the egg mixture, that’s 1 tsp vanilla, 1 tsp cinnamon, 1/4 tsp nutmeg, and 1/4 tsp salt. I don’t know what was up with my camera focus in this shot, but it’s apparently the only one I got of this step, so you’ll have to live with the disappointment.

When your microwave beeps at you, take a look at the squashes. See the brighter yellow circle in the middle there? That’s not cooked all the way through. This one needs another minute or two, at least.

Once they’re an even, dark orange color, scoop out the insides and add them to your mixing bowl. This should take no real arm strength if they’re cooked properly, but they will be extremely hot, so you’ll probably want to use an oven mitt.

Mix everything together thoroughly, making sure it’s nice and smooth. Then scrape it into a 9×9 baking dish sprayed with canola oil.

Now, prepare the crumb topping. That’s 1 Tablespoon of melted Fleischmann’s unsalted margarine (not salted original), 1/2 cup (firmly packed) brown sugar, and 2 Tablespoons of Bob’s Red Mill Gluten-Free All-Purpose Flour blend.

Mix well…

And sprinkle evenly on top.

Pop in a 350 degree oven for 20 minutes, just enough to warm everything through and melt the sugar on top a little. And then tell your children that since they were so good today, they can have dessert on their plate right with their meal. Ha ha ha…

Happy Eating!

Butternut Crunch

2 butternut squash (about 2-3 lbs.)
1/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup almond milk
2 eggs
1 tsp Adam’s Best vanilla
1 tsp McCormick cinnamon
1/4 tsp McCormick nutmeg
1/4 tsp salt
1 TBS Fleischmann’s unsalted margarine (not salted original)
1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
2 TBS Bob’s Red Mill All-Purpose flour blend

This is my favorite chili recipe of all time. You can use ground beef if you really want, but give the turkey a try at least once. It tastes better, it’s healthier for you, and it’s cheaper. How much more could you ask from a humble meat?

First, dump 2 pounds of ground turkey into a big soup pot with a couple tablespoons of olive oil. Check out those beautiful blue handles–that’s my Lodge dutch oven, and I’ve been in love with it since the day I got it. The inner surface is this sealed enamel stuff, and it cleans easier than any Teflon-coated pan I have. Plus, you can throw the whole thing in the oven, lid and all. Which means you’ll be seeing it again whenever I get around to posting my pot roast recipe.

While the turkey starts browning just a bit, dice an onion. I’ve seen some official definitions of “dice” that are pretty ridiculously tiny for the amateur chef to achieve, so perhaps you may choose to say I am merely “chopping” an onion. Whatever, just get it into the smallest pieces you can manage without cutting off a finger.

Add your onions to the pot, along with 3 cloves of minced garlic (or 1 1/2 tsp of the jarred kind) and 1 Tablespoon of chili powder. You can add more if you like it spicy, but don’t make that decision yet until you check out the next step.

This, my friends, is chipotles in adobo. It sounds fancy, but really it’s not–a chipotle pepper is actually just a jalapeno pepper that’s been roasted. The “adobo” part is where the real flavor comes from, and that’s what that red sauce is. Recipes vary, but it’s generally a mixture of tomato paste, apple cider vinegar, garlic, oregano, cumin, and black pepper. Think of it as a spicy Mexican barbecue sauce. Anyway, you buy this stuff in a little can in the ethnic foods aisle, but check your brands for gluten. I can’t even remember the name of the brand I get, because it contains whole peppers, which are kind of a pain to work with, so what I do is throw the entire contents of the can in a blender, and store it in a tupperware in the fridge–so that can is long gone. 1 Tablespoon of the blended sauce is equal to about one chili pepper. In this big recipe, 1/2 a Tablespoon will still leave it mild enough for the kids, or if you’re really worried you can just use the sauce without the peppers blended in. Don’t omit it entirely though, because that wonderful smokey flavor is really essential to the final product.

Okay, enough with the chipotle pepper lesson. Mix it all up and let the meat brown, stirring occasionally.

When the meat is cooked, drain a can of Bush’s red kidney beans and dump it in the pot. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without notice. Always check your labels.]

Add a can of crushed tomatoes. My generic brand is probably not available in your area, but really, all a can of tomatoes ought to have in it is tomatoes, water, and maybe a little salt. Don’t even waste time with brands that put extra crap in their cans, whether it’s ultimately gluten-free or not. It’s a can of vegetables, for pete’s sake, it doesn’t need anything else.

Also add in two cups of GF chicken broth. This is another ingredient you have to hunt down a suitable brand for, and in my experience you usually have to spring for the organic brands before you get one that’s safe. As a side note, another thing you have to watch out for is that packaged chicken breasts will often be injected with broth (the package will say something like “Up to 10% solution.”) Take the time to verify with the manufacturers that the broth they’re injecting is gluten-free, or pay more for organic, it’s your call.

Now, give the chili a good stir and let it simmer for about 20-30 minutes. In the meantime, it’s time to make the corn cakes! The number of ingredients can seem daunting, but if you lay it all out in front of you it’s not so bad.

This is 3/4 cup rice flour, 1 cup of cornmeal, and 2 TBS brown sugar.

Then 1 tsp of salt, and 1/2 tsp of xanthan gum. I resisted buying xanthan gum for a long time when I started gluten-free cooking, because the name was just too weird, and I didn’t even know what it looked like, and I just didn’t want to deal with something so foreign, you know? But eventually I figured out it’s just another white powder in a Bob’s Red Mill bag, and hey, I already have like 3 or 4 of those in my kitchen already, so what the heck. And it really does make a difference in these recipes. It adds that fluffiness and stretchiness back in, the things that used to be taken care of by gluten in your old life.

Then 3 tsp of gluten-free baking powder, and you’re done with the dry ingredients.

Then the wet ingredients: 2 eggs, 4 TBS Fleischmann’s margarine, and 1 cup of almond milk. Don’t put that milk away just yet; we’re going to need it again in a second.

Melt the magarine in the microwave, and whisk in the eggs.

Then add the almond milk…

And work that bicep. My great-grandmother must have been super buff, whisking stuff like this every single day.

Now you want to add just a teensy bit more almond milk, to get the batter to the right consistency. It’s usually about 2-3 Tablespoons.

It will still be thick, like all gluten-free mixes, but you want it so the batter stretches, rather than tearing into chunks.

Ladle it into your preheated pan (oiled with Canola cooking spray or dabs of margarine,) and give it several minutes before flipping. You won’t see any bubbles surfacing like there would be with a normal pancake batter, you just have to test the underside every once in awhile and see if it’s easy to slip the spatula under yet or not.

Because the batter is so thick, sometimes an air bubble will get trapped underneath and you’ll end up with strange designs on your corn cakes. This one looks like a key to me, or maybe a guitar, I can’t decide. I’m still waiting for the day I hit the jackpot and get one that kind of looks like the Virgin Mary, and then I can sell it on eBay for a ton of money and hire someone to make all my corn cakes for me.

Right about the time you’ve cooked all your corn cakes, the chili should be ready to serve. You could, of course, serve the cakes alongside the chili, or even forego the whole cake shape in the first place and make them muffins or something instead.

But what I like to do is serve it underneath the chili. You get a bit of corn cake in every bite, and it’s a fun surprise, like fruit at the bottom of your yogurt. Except we can’t have yogurt anymore–all the more reason to adapt the food-hiding-within-food presentation to new and exciting dishes, am I right? Plus, it’s a corn cake, which makes this final product remarkably close to Frito Pie. Truth be told, when I’m running short on time I actually serve it over Fritos to begin with.

Happy Eating!

Turkey Chili with Corn Cakes

2 lbs. ground turkey
1 med. onion
3 cloves garlic
1 TBS chili powder
1 TBS chipotles in adobo
1 can Bush’s kidney beans
1 can crushed tomatoes
2 cups GF chicken broth

1 cup corn meal
3/4 cup rice flour
2 TBS brown sugar
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp xanthan gum
3 tsp GF baking powder
2 eggs
4 TBS margarine
1 cup plus about 2-3 TBS almond milk

Warning: this is not a recipe to be fooled around with. This frosting is possibly the richest, most decadent thing I’ve ever put into my mouth. It is, in fact, the first homemade item I learned to make that I had to admit was better than the store-bought counterpart. Seriously, that little can of frosting has nothing on this stuff.

The recipe is very basic, it’s just a question of making sure each ingredient you use is GFCF. [As always, my brands were verified GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change their formulas without notice. Always double-check your ingredient lists.] Start with one stick of melted Fleischmann’s unsalted margarine (not salted original), 1 tsp McCormick’s vanilla, and three Tablespoons of your preferred milk substitute. I used almond milk this time since I had some in the fridge and it’s a little richer than rice milk, but either is fine.

Dump in one entire box of Domino powdered sugar (also called confectioner’s sugar, or 10-x sugar.) Did you see that? An entire box of sugar on top of a whole stick of margarine. That, my friends, is why this stuff tastes so good, and why your hips may not thank you later.

Beat it with a hand mixer, and frosting magically appears. It’s so simple, it’s practically criminal. You can use this frosting on any kind of gluten-free cake or cupcake that you want.

Me, I sometimes put it on brownies.

I know, I know. Frosted brownies? That makes no sense! But it’s what I like, and I’m just keeping it real. Pretend it’s a chocolate cake, if that makes you feel better. I’m fond of a lot of Bob’s Red Mill products, and the brownie mix is no exception. Also, Bob happens to look just like one of my relatives, right down to the beret and yellow shirt and everything. It’s kind of spooky.

Just following the package directions here, first you want to melt a stick and a half of margarine in the microwave. Don’t start thinking about the total amount of fat that’s going into this dish. Instead, just remind yourself that margarine is way healthier than butter, and that makes it all okay, right?

Meanwhile, mix together one egg and 2 tsp vanilla.

Now, I deviate from the bag recipe and add 2 TBS of sugar. The final product just doesn’t taste very much like brownies to me without it. It’s more like… chocolate bread, I guess. Trust me, it needs the sugar.

Dump in the melted margarine and the entire bag of brownie mix, then add 3/4 cup water and mix well. It’s really hard to mix it by hand, because this batter is thick.

But on the other hand, if you choose to use a hand mixer, you are guaranteed to end up with a little chocolate tornado trying to climb the beaters, and you’ll have to stop the mixer every 5 seconds or so to scrape it back down. It’s your choice.

Now, this part is important. After you’ve scraped the whole mess into a greased 9×13 baking dish, you have to get it to settle properly into place. Normal batters do this part on their own, but normal batters also make my kid a raving lunatic, so we have to work with what we’ve got. Get your hand very wet in the sink, and gently push the batter down as if you were shaping playdough.

As soon as it starts to stick to your fingers, put them back under the faucet and get them really wet again. Just keep pushing and smoothing until you have a nice, flat, normal-looking pan of brownie batter.

The bag says bake for 20-25 minutes at 350 degrees, but it always takes longer than that for me, especially if I use a glass baking dish. See my messy toothpick? This batch of brownies was ultimately in the oven for 45 minutes before the toothpick came out clean.

And now we can put the frosting on this lovely chocolate cake that I got from somewhere else. Nobody’s been putting frosting on any brownies around here, no sirree… But here’s another important tip: make absolutely sure that your brownies or cake or whatever has cooled completely before you apply the frosting. Since it doesn’t have a whole bunch of chemicals and gluten holding it together, this frosting will start to break down if it’s subjected to anything warmer than room temperature.

It’s a well-known scientific principle that rainbow sprinkles make everything more delicious. Not that this frosting needs any help.

Happy Eating!

Buttercream Frosting

1 box Domino powdered sugar
1 stick Fleischmann’s unsalted margarine (not salted original)
3-4 TBS almond or rice milk
1 tsp McCormick vanilla

Bob’s Red Mill brownies

1 bag Bob’s Red Mill Brownie Mix
1 1/2 sticks Fleischmann’s unsalted margarine (not salted original)
1 egg
2 tsp McCormick’s vanilla
2 TBS sugar