Well that sort of grandma mystique is a really silly barrier to modern cooking. If it was good enough for your Nana, it’s good enough for us! She’d be proud to see you feeding your children with the same kind of simple love that she gave to you.

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And that word “simple” is key: egg salad is beyond simple, the way all the best recipes are. First, boil 8 eggs for 15 minutes at a rolling boil. (That means you don’t start the timer until the bubbles are fast and furious, not when that first tiny bubble emissary first drifts up from the bottom of the pot.) I don’t have a picture of my pot here because the truth is I boiled my eggs days ago. They were on the cusp of going bad so I went ahead and cooked them to give them a new lease on life. Just make sure you write a big H on the shell so you know which ones you did.

Peel the cooked eggs and dice them up with an egg slicer. This ingenious little tool is something that no kitchen should ever be without. Just slide the wires through in one direction, then lift and rotate the egg a quarter turn so you can go the other direction. You can do mushrooms with it too!

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Add 3 Tablespoons of Hellman’s mayonnaise to your bowl of egg bits. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!] I don’t know why, but it always tickles my funny bone to remember that mayonnaise is mostly made with egg whites, so this is really eggs mixed with more eggs here. I know, I have a strange sense of humor.

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Also add 1 Tablespoon of French’s yellow mustard. Go all gourmet with a gluten-free brown mustard if you’d prefer, but I think Nana might disapprove.

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What’s going to happen as you mix everything together is the yolks of the eggs will disintegrate and become part of the sauce, while the whites stay nice and firm. Using a fork will help speed the process along.

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Toast up some gluten-free bread, slap on a few pieces of lettuce, and you’re done! I got lazy over the summer and started buying prebaked loaves of GF bread a lot, though I’m trying to get back into doing more baking at home to save money. But if you’re curious, this is Food For Life millet bread. It has earned the approval of even non-GF eaters, though it’s important to note that it must be toasted before it can clear the bar. Of course it’s all just a delivery vehicle for this classic, comforting, perfectly grandmotherly egg salad, so you might not even notice the bread anyway.

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Happy Eating!

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Egg Salad

8 eggs, hardboiled
3 TBS Hellman’s mayonnaise
1 TBS French’s yellow mustard

I know you already know how to assemble your basic GFCF taco, so really this is about the preparation of the fish. Step one is to rinse the slime off your fish filets. Always rinse your fish — for one thing, it’ll help any seasonings or marinades absorb better, and for another, you won’t be eating slime.

Make sure you pat them completely dry with paper towels on all sides. Then slice them into decent-sized chunks for tacos. At this point, of course, you could roll them in GF breading and make fish sticks, but we’ll save that for another time.

Melt 2 Tablespoons of Fleischmann’s Unsalted (not Original) Margarine, then mix in 1/4 teaspoon of cumin…

…And 1/8 teaspoon of garlic powder. None of the appropriately-sized measuring spoons were clean, so I improvised. I don’t have it in me to run the dishwasher more than once a day, or do dishes by hand just because we don’t have any more. If this means I’m serving something like hamburgers in bowls, so be it.

Lay your fish pieces in a greased baking dish, and brush the garlic butter liberally over the tops. Then bake in a 450 degree oven for only about 4-7 minutes, until the fish is flaking apart easily when you poke at it with a fork.

And the rest is just dressing. Or fixins, as we say down here. Corn tortilla, rice tortilla, salsa, guacamole, beans, whatever you fancy. Your fish is ready for it, bring it on!

Happy Eating!

Fish Tacos

2 fish filets
2 Tbs Fleischmann’s Unsalted Margarine (not Original)
1/4 tsp cumin
1/8 tsp garlic
Toppings as desired

Anyway, that programmer who wanted to be a personal trainer was a bit of a health nut, as you can imagine. He always brought his lunch from home and drank these nasty-looking concoctions in a big insulated thermos. One day I joked about how I could easily be as muscular as he was, if only I drank a protein shake every day like he did. He informed me that it wasn’t a protein shake, it was just a plain old smoothie. (He preferred his protein in bar form, apparently, but that’s beside the point.) I accused him of being a liar (very politely, of course,) since the number one rule of smoothies in my world is they have to taste good, and I could only assume that his tasted like it looked–which is to say, gross.

“Au contraire!” he cried. Actually, I think he just said, “No, seriously, taste it.” And he was right! It tasted just like a regular smoothie. Fruity and frothy and delicious. “It’s only ugly because I put greens in it, but you can’t taste them at all.”

Greens, huh? Huh. Shortly after that, he left to embark on his personal training career, and I went to go have a baby. Haven’t heard from him since. But his weird greens-in-smoothies notion stuck with me, and I ended up trying to make my own during those days when I desperately needed healthy stuff I could eat with one hand while nursing a baby.

I failed miserably. What came out of my blender was nothing but a smoothie with coarsely chopped salad in it, no matter how hard I tried. I abandoned the idea and moved on with my life.

But then! A reader recently alerted me to another awesome GFCF cooking blog called Whole Life Nutrition. One of her signature items is the “green smoothie,” which as you may have guessed is just a smoothie with greens in it like my old coworker used to make. And while reading her writeup about them, I realized the key mistake I’d made with my misguided attempts years ago.

See, a regular blender just can’t cut it, so to speak. What you need is an immersion blender. There is actually a commercial-grade blender out there that can get the job done, but it’s a little pricey. I’ll shell out $180 for a professional waffle-maker, but a $400 blender crosses the line for me. Plus, an immersion blender is great for soups too.

This one came with a handy little blending cup, but any tallish container will work. I cram mine full of as many greens as I can fit, and then add about 1/2 to 3/4 cup of juice.

The less juice you can manage to use, the smoother it will blend. See how there’s no choppy leaves left, only green puree? Immersion blender, baby.

Use whatever fruit you want for your main smoothie ingredients. I’m a fan of the classics, like strawberry-banana. If you’re going to freeze your own bananas, by the way, make sure you peel them first. Frozen peel does not come off easily, and peeled bananas won’t go brown in the freezer.

A cup of frozen strawberries, and we’re ready to…

Pour in our green concoction! Doesn’t that look appetizing? No? Oh, but it will taste wonderful, I promise you. My computer-programmer-turned-personal-trainer friend would never lie to you.

Sure, it’s not so pretty after it’s all blended together. Red strawberries + green lettuce = yucky brown. But there are a few things you can do to get your kids over the visual hump. First, you can put it in a plastic cup with a lid and a straw, or even one of those opaque water bottles. Or, you can use a dark fruit like blueberry or blackberry, and that will mostly overwhelm the green.

Or finally, you can embrace the green. Mine had some red leaf lettuce mixed in, so my green was already a little muted. But a blend of pure romaine, or arugula for example, will give you a really vibrant green color. Pair that with only very pale smoothie ingredients, like bananas, apples, pears, green grapes, pineapple, or coconut milk yogurt, and your final product will be so green that it enters the realm of fun. Call it a Ghost Slime smoothie for Halloween, or a Leprechaun Smoothie for St. Patrick’s Day. Once they taste it, it’s in the bag, because I’m telling you, you absolutely cannot taste the veggies one bit.

Happy Eating!

Sneaky Smoothies

1-2 cups packed greens
3/4 cup fruit juice or coconut milk yogurt
1-2 cups frozen fruit

Lamb! If that gives you an initial shudder, just remember: a baby lamb is no cuter than a baby cow, and we cook those little guys up all the time, right? Right. I get this stuff frozen at my normal grocery store, and I bet yours has it too. You just have to ask someone who works in the meat department, because it’s not going to be on some big obvious display. In an ideal homage to Greek food, it would actually be a lamb roast rather than ground lamb, but the important thing is the flavor.

Season it with 1/2 teaspoon of paprika, and 1/2 teaspoon of oregano.

Also add in 1 Tablespoon of dried, minced onion (or onion powder, whatever you have.)

Mash it all together so the seasonings are evenly distributed. Really stab at it; cooking is a great way to let your aggression out.

Okay, while that browns, we’re going to prepare the tzatziki, that yummy cucumber yogurt sauce that is a necessity for Greek food. Start by peeling one whole cucumber. You could use a peeler, but I find that with such a thick skin, it’s pretty easy to just cut it in half and then slice downward around the edges with a sharp knife.

Then we want to cut the seeds out. First quarter your long pieces…

And again, slice vertically to neatly remove the core of seeds all at once. (Don’t go thinking I do this one-handed though, I just paused mid-cut to take a photo. You do have to brace the top with your fingers for this to work right.)

Throw away the seeds and peel, and dice up everything you have left.

Now, you could just blend this into a pre-made casein-free yogurt and call it a day. But for us, that doesn’t work. I personally think soy yogurt is the most disgusting thing on the planet–I seriously can’t even stand to smell it in the kitchen. I don’t know what it is, but my tastebuds completely reject all soy “dairy” products on a very intense level. And while the flavor of the cucumber might not clash too badly with the mild flavor of coconut milk yogurt, the GFCF Boy is severely allergic to coconut, so that option is out for us too. But if it works for you, go for it!

Instead, I just make a modified version of my Ranch dressing. You can’t see it, but underneath the cucumber is 1/4 cup of Bob’s Red Mill finely ground almond meal. Then on top we add 1/2 Tablespoon of canola oil…

1/2 Tablespoon of potato starch, 1/2 teaspoon of salt…

And 1/4 cup of water. (This is less water than the dressing recipe uses, because the cucumber is going to add a ton of liquid to the mix.) You should also add in 1/4 tsp of garlic powder for a more authentic flavor–we’ve recently discovered that one of the GFCF Boy’s other longstanding, hard-to-pin-down allergies is garlic, so we’re avoiding it for now, but please don’t skimp on flavor just on my account.

Blend thoroughly, and pour into a small saucepan.

Cook over low heat for a few minutes until it has thickened to the right consistency, stirring frequently. As with the Ranch dressing, this is not a perfectly smooth dip, there is a little bit of graininess to the texture. But the flavor is great, and when it’s all mixed up with the other ingredients in the wrap it shouldn’t be an issue.

Oh yeah, did you forget we were making wraps, here? Your meat should be about done by now, and man, does it smell good. Just like Tino’s! (But I wouldn’t say that where he can hear you.)

I have tried and tried, but so far all of my GF pita experiments have been whopping failures. I’ve basically given up at this point, especially because these Food For Life brown rice tortillas are awesome. Even the GFCF Husband raved about how good they were. It’s not a thick doughy pita, it’s true, but for a GF bread product, it’s a darn good substitute.

One other tip, if you’re not using all the tortillas at once, don’t try to separate them in the package while they’re still frozen, you’ll just break them. Microwave the whole stack (outside of the plastic bag, of course) for about 15 seconds until you can peel off the number you need, and then refreeze the rest. It won’t hurt ‘em.

Add in some diced tomato and greens and you’re ready to go! Strictly speaking, romaine lettuce is the most authentic, but I just use the same baby greens I make salads out of. And if you have any tzatziki left over, it makes a great dip for chips or carrot sticks, or even a sandwich spread.

Happy Eating!

Greek Wraps with Cucumber Tzatziki

1 lb. ground lamb
1/2 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp oregano
1 TBS dried minced onion (or onion powder)

1 cucumber, peeled and seeded
1/4 cup Bob’s Red Mill almond meal
1/2 TBS canola oil
1/2 TBS potato starch
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup water
1/4 tsp garlic powder (optional)

tomatoes
lettuce
Food For Life brown rice tortillas

Let’s make some tacos! You have three options for the wrapper: a 100% corn crunchy shell, a 100% corn soft tortilla, or… these crazy things. They’re corn tortillas, but they’re from “sprouted corn.” Basically it means they grind the corn up later in the growth process, so the plant is more mature and it’s had longer to build up more nutrients. I dunno, we like them mostly because the texture is much thicker and chewier, like a flour tortilla, rather than those translucent corn tortillas that tear if you look at them funny. Plus, the GFCFHusband says normal corn tortillas taste like lard and he hates them.

Anyway, they’re in the freezer section of our health-food store. You can either microwave them, or go all fancy and toast them in a dry pan on the stove, whatever floats your boat.

Shred some cooked chicken, or brown some ground beef if you swing that way. If you season the meat, don’t use those pre-made “taco seasoning” packets, because they’re always full of gluten. You can easily put the spices together yourself–those things are basically just cumin, chili powder, maybe a little onion powder, and salt. My chicken up there? Totally unseasoned. This was a lazy, lazy night for me as I recall.

This fabulous stuff is mango pico de gallo (pico de gallo is just finely diced tomato, onion, cilantro, and jalapeno pepper, for you people who don’t live within spitting distance of the Mexican border.) It’s not hard to make, but it is a little time-consuming to chop everything up, so I’ll confess I usually buy it pre-made at our grocery store. Plain old diced tomato would work just fine too.

Sprinkle on some lettuce and you’re good to go! What these tacos really need is some avocado, but alas, I didn’t have any this night. That is a surprisingly rare occurrence, I should tell you. I almost always have guacamole in the house. You could also add refried beans, black beans, or mexican rice to bulk them up a bit, if you wanted.

Happy Eating!

Tacos

100% corn tortillas or tostadas
Shredded chicken or ground beef
(Season to taste with cumin, chili powder, onion powder, and salt)

Toppings:
Tomato
Lettuce
Avocado
Beans

Simple is best, y’all. Simple is best. Add about a Tablespoon of Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce to a pound of lean ground beef. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change their formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

Divide into equal balls, and smoosh them right in the pan. If you believe it’s sacrilege to cook burgers on the stove instead of on a grill, I cordially invite you to come stand on my back porch in the 90% humidity, when it’s still 95 degrees even after the sun’s gone down, and count the number of mosquitos that bite you before you come around to my way of thinking.

Are there recipes for making your own GF hamburger buns out there? Sure. And maybe someday I’ll work up the energy to experiment with them. But I figure I do so much cooking and baking as it is, I allow myself to splurge on some of the basics that do have commercially-premade versions available. I’ve honestly found that the amount of money I save by no longer buying dairy products far outweighs the extra cost of a few GF hamburger buns. Cheese is expensive! Anyway, Gillian’s is our favorite brand. Whole Foods carries them, in a little freezer case next to the bakery. The texture is more like a biscuit than a typical hamburger bun, but for what it’s worth it’s a darn good biscuit. These are also especially useful if only some members of the household are eating GFCF, or if you’re trying to host non-GFCF guests at a cookout, because you can just heat up one at a time as you need. Just remember, if you toast your buns, never do it in the same pan or grill that you toasted the gluten buns on!

The burgers ought to be done after about 7 minutes per side over medium heat, but to be honest I never really pay that close attention. I just busy myself with pulling out all the fixings, slicing the tomato, warming up the buns and cutting them in half… and round about the time I’m finished the burgers are too. Do pay attention to your brands, as there are unsafe versions of all of these condiments. If you’re one of those heathens who puts mayonnaise on burgers, go for Hellman’s. It’s not pictured here because I’ve raised my children right, you see.

And if you just can’t have a burger without cheese, you can always go for rice cheese slices. I wouldn’t, but you (and the GFCF Husband) certainly could.

Happy Eating!

Hamburgers

1 lb. lean ground beef
1 TBS Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce
1 pkg. Gillian’s GF French rolls
Heinz ketchup
French’s mustard
Hellman’s mayonnaise
Vlasic pickles
tomato
lettuce
onion