You can easily make this an appetizer recipe too, if you happen to be lucky enough to have a party to attend. Just put the stuffing we’re going to make into a bunch of small mushrooms instead of 4 big portabellas. Portabellas will need a few minutes of pre-baking, though, so if you are keeping this meal all to yourself, then brush them with a little olive oil, and put them in the oven for 5 minutes at 350 degrees while you mix up the rest of it.

Can’t have crab stuffing without crab, can you? Important note: fake crab, sometimes labeled as “krab” but more often masquerading as the real thing, is made with wheat. Lots of it. Those crab sticks that go in sushi rolls are a prime example, they are jam-packed with gluten. Most of the crab you see in the market these days is going to be the fake stuff, so be very careful to choose a container that is only 100% real crab meat. You’ll want about 6 to 8 ounces of it.

Finely dice half of a red onion. Red onions tend to be stronger than white, which is good if you’re trying to balance a strong flavor like crab. But if you don’t like a lot of onion flavor, you can substitute a white one, or even sautee it before adding it in so it can caramelize a bit. Did you know that process is called pyrolysis? Well it is.

Slice up 2 green onions, and add them to your bowl along with 1 teaspoon of minced garlic, 1 teaspoon of lemon juice, and 1/2 teaspoon of Lea & Perrins worcestershire sauce. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change recipes without warning. Always check your labels!]

Dump in 1 teaspoon of parsely, 1 teaspoon of dill…

1/4 teaspoon of salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of pepper.

Now then, mix it all together with 1/2 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise. You can add a little more if the consistency is too dry, but don’t try to take any out because that totally won’t work.

Spoon your mixture into your mushrooms, be they big portabellas or little creminis.

Sprinkle with crushed Rice Chex or your preferred brand of gluten-free breadcrumbs, and bake them at 350 for about 12 minutes. Little ones may be done a minute or two sooner, big ones may take a minute or two longer. Serve them to your guests or eat them all yourself, I won’t tell.

Happy Eating!

Crab Stuffed Mushrooms

4 portabella mushrooms, or about 36 cremini mushrooms
6-8 oz container of 100% crabmeat
1/2 small red onion
2 green onions
1 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp Lea & Perrins worcestershire
1 tsp parsley
1 tsp dill
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1/2 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise
1/4 cup crushed Rice Chex

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In my defense, I do call it Tomato Carbonara to help avoid confusion. So it should not surprise you to learn that there are, in fact, tomatoes in the recipe. 4 small-to-medium ones, to be precise.

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Quarter the tomatoes and throw them in a blender. You do want to slice off the little stem bit at the top, but the rest should go in, seeds and all.

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Chop up three or four big leaves of real basil, and add 2 cloves of minced garlic.

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1 teaspoon of salt, and 1 Tablespoon of olive oil, and you’re ready to blend! Don’t forget to put the lid on.

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Now me, I like to do this part ahead of time, and save it in the fridge until I’m ready. It makes my last-minute dinners that much more triumphant. But there’s no reason you have to do that. If you’re going to use your sauce right away though, you should be more efficient and get the bacon cooking before you work on the sauce.

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Take a pair of kitchen shears and cut cross-wise several times over a whole package of Hormel Natural Choice bacon. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!] The pieces will separate as it cooks, and now there’s no need to wash a cutting board. Notice that it’s a deep pan, so it can hold everything else once the bacon’s done.

Of course “done” is a very subjective term when it comes to bacon. I like mine pretty soft, while others like it burnt to a crisp. I’ll leave the negotiations in your family up to you.

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At any rate, once it’s reached the state you desire it to be in, just dump in your tomato sauce and 12 ounces of cooked gluten-free noodles (pasta shape negotiations are, again, up to you.) These King Soba brand, if you’re curious.

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Let it simmer a bit until everything’s warmed through. If you want to make your dish taste like something gourmet rather than gussied-up marinara sauce, add 1-2 Tablespoons of white cooking wine. I usually serve the kids first, and then add this to the pot for the adults at the meal. For one thing, the kids don’t appreciate the flavor, and for another, you have to boil something for a good 20 minutes if you want the majority of the alcohol content to be cooked away, and the whole point of this meal is it’s not supposed to take that long.

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Happy Eating!

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Tomato Carbonara Pasta

4 medium tomatoes
3-4 leaves fresh basil
2 cloves garlic
1 tsp salt
1 TBS olive oil
1 pkg Hormel Natural Choice bacon
12 oz. gluten free pasta
1-2 TBS white cooking wine (optional)

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Okay, it’s not quite so simple right at the very beginning, I admit. There’s a fair number of ingredients in the sauce. But it’s extremely simple once the sauce is put together, and the thing is, this sauce will last in the fridge for up to a month or more, so you could make a big batch and have it handy in a jar for those nights when you’re in borderline-collapsing mode.

We start with a veritable Who’s Who lineup of Asian sauce ingredients: 1 1/2 Tablespoons of rice vinegar, 1/4 cup sesame oil, 3 Tablespoons soy sauce (or a reasonable substitute,) and 2 cloves of minced garlic.

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This is a case where an immersion blender will definitely come in handy, but you can get away with doing it in a traditional blender if that’s all you have. After assembling the first set of liquid ingredients, add some crushed red pepper flakes, depending on your spice tolerance. 1/4 teaspoon is a good average place to start, noticeable in flavor but not too hot. My tastebuds have been dulled by years of Mexican food, so I put in 3/4 tsp for a real kick. But to balance it out, we’ll also add 1 teaspoon of sugar, and 1/3 cup of water.

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Lastly, dump in 1/2 cup of dry-roasted, unsalted cashews. Raw cashews will work too, just make sure you don’t get any that are “honey-roasted” or otherwise coated in junk.

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The cashews are the reason you’d rather use the immersion blender here, because it’s going to get all those tiny nut pieces nice and smooth. Ultimately, we’re going to add some more whole cashews to the meal, so a little graininess shouldn’t be too distracting, but another alternative is to use about 1/3 cup prepared cashew butter instead of the whole cashews.

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Once you’re done blending, your sauce is ready for the plate or the mason jar, whichever you prefer. I vote plate, because I’m not very good at delayed gratification. These here are some Schar gluten-free noodles. They’re made with a mixture of corn and rice flours, so they’re a little starchier and firmer to chew than straight-up rice noodles, which is nice.

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The drawback is, like most blended-flour GF noodles, they release a ton of that starch into the cooking water, so you may find you have to drain, rinse, and refill the pot halfway through the cooking process. But it doesn’t add more than 2-3 minutes to the cooking process.

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While your pasta is boiling, finely chop 1 1/2 cups of fresh cilantro, also known as coriander.

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Mix the cilantro and the cashew sesame sauce into your drained noodles, and stir gently.

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And finally, garnish with another 1/2 cup or so of cashews for crunch. This simple little noodle dish may look light and unassuming, but it is surprisingly filling, and makes great leftovers too, either cold or hot. If you’ve never sent real leftovers in your child’s lunchbox, this might be just the meal to start with.

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Happy Eating!

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Cashew Sesame Noodles

1 1/2 TBS rice vinegar
1/4 cup Asian sesame oil
3 TBS soy sauce
2 cloves garlic
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
1 tsp sugar
1/3 cup water
1/2 cup + 1/2 cup dry roasted cashews
12 oz. GF spaghetti noodles
1 1/2 cups chopped cilantro

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First thing you’ll want to do is cut up about 6 slices of bacon into fairly small pieces. Make sure your bacon is gluten-free, and preferably nitrate/nitrite free as well. I like Hormel Natural Choice, myself. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Sautee the bacon bits in a large pot, or a very deep pan with a lid. I know it looks like overkill now, but the need for all that pan space will become evident in a moment.

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Once the pieces are nice and crispy, scoop them out with a slotted spoon, and set them aside on a paper towel to drain.

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Use the bacon fat remaining in the pan to sautee one onion, and two cloves of minced garlic. See, we’re using every part of the bacon, just like the ancient tribes of… no, nevermind. It’s because it’s delicious, that’s why.

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While that’s cooking, take two bunches of kale, and cut out the main stem from each leaf by running your knife right down both sides of it. Chop the leaves into fairly large pieces, and lightly drop it all into the pan. It should take up a lot of space, kind of like a giant bowl of salad that you happen to have sitting on the stove.

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Gently turn the pile for about a minute, until the leaves are bright green and well-coated in bacon-ness. Please note that the right way to do this is with tongs. As long as you don’t actually touch the bottom of the pan, you probably won’t burn your fingers. I mean, I did, but I’m sure you’re more careful than I am. Or at least smarter, and thus willing to use tongs.

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Now pour about 1/4 cup of water into the pan…

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…and place the lid mostly over the top, leaving a small gap.

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Six to ten minutes later, you will be stunned at how much your kale has shrunk. But not for long, because you’ll be too busy salivating over the plate of bacon that’s been waiting patiently by your side, like a loyal friend. Ideally, the kale will be soft and wilted, but not overcooked and slimey. Better to take the lid off too early than too late, so keep an eye on it.

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Let’s not mince words here. You need to eat more vegetables. You want to eat more bacon. Now you don’t have to choose between the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other.

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Happy Eating!

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Kale with Bacon and Onion

2 bunches of kale, trimmed
6 slices of bacon
1 onion
2 cloves minced garlic
1/4 cup water

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We start with 3 cups of water in a small pot.

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Next, add 1/4 cup red wine vinegar. Please note this is not quite the same as balsamic vinegar, though you could probably use the latter if you prefer. Both are made with grapes, but balsamic vinegar is made immediately with fresh grapes, while red wine vinegar calls for the grapes to be fermented into wine first, and only then turned into vinegar. The flavor of both varies wildly across brands, so the question of which type you use is probably less important than choosing a quality brand. As always, make sure it is a pure vinegar, and does not contain the word “malt” anywhere on it, as this will indicate the presence of gluten.

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Add 1/4 cup of honey…

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1/4 teaspoon of black pepper…

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…and 1 teaspoon of salt.

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Now add 1/4 teaspoon each of minced garlic and ginger. A real chef would prep their own, of course. My goodness I’m lazy.

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Bring the mixture to a boil, and allow it to simmer for 15-20 minutes, until it’s been reduced to about 1/2 cup. (That’s about one-seventh of what it started out as, if you’re trying to eyeball it.)

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Pour the remaining liquid into a small jar or bottle, and you’re set for any soy sauce recipes that might come your way! This mixture will keep in the fridge almost indefinitely, especially if you close the lid while the sauce is still hot and let the cooling air form a vacuum, just like in real canning. You can strain the garlic and ginger solids back out if you really want to, but I don’t bother. Makes it more rustic and authentic, I think.

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Happy Eating!

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Soy Sauce Substitute

3 cups water
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
1/4 cup honey
1/4 tsp black pepper
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp minced ginger
1/4 tsp minced garlic

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Start with about a pound and a half of fresh green beans (or go with a bag of pre-cut frozen ones, I’ll never judge,) and boil them with a Tablespoon of salt for 10-15 minutes, until they’re tender. It’s important to salt the water because we won’t be using a canned cream of mushroom soup, so we have to replace at least some of that sodium content your tastebuds will be expecting.

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Meanwhile, take a 10 ounce package of sliced mushrooms, and slice them some more so the pieces are pretty small.

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Pour some oil in a very large pan, and begin sauteeing your diced mushrooms along with 3 cloves of minced garlic.

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Also add 1 Tablespoon of dried chopped onions. You can find this stuff in the seasoning aisle if you’ve never seen it before, or for that matter you could just use onion powder instead.

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While the mushrooms are softening up (and don’t forget those green beans still cooking in the pot,) scoop out 2 Tablespoons of potato starch into a small cup. You could also use cornstarch if you prefer, but either way make sure you choose a brand that’s pure, not mixed with any other substances.

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Mix in one Tablespoon of dry cooking sherry…

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…and 3/4 cup gluten-free chicken broth. Pacific Foods is one good option. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Stir it up with a fork until the potato starch is completely dissolved, then pour it into your mushroom pan.

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It should thicken right up within a minute or two.

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Once it does, add 3/4 cup of almond milk, and stir well.

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And that right there is dairy-free cream of mushroom soup! You could of course make that little mixture on a larger scale and serve it in bowls, if that strikes your fancy. But today, it’s getting a bunch of drained green beans dumped in instead.

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Also add in 1/2 teaspoon of pepper, and 2 teaspoons of salt.

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Pack it all into a 9 x 9 baking dish, and sprinkle flat-slivered almonds over the top. Classy and traditional. Bake it uncovered for 20 minutes at 350 degrees, and those almonds will become toasted and crispy: the perfect topping to the perfect side dish.

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Happy Eating!

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Green Bean Casserole

1 1/2 lbs. green beans
1 TBS salt
10 oz. mushrooms
3 cloves minced garlic
1 TBS dried chopped onions (or onion powder)
2 TBS potato starch
1 TBS dry sherry
3/4 cup GF chicken broth
3/4 cup almond milk
1/2 tsp pepper
2 tsp salt
3/4 cup flat-slivered almonds

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A lot of GFCF families also have to avoid soy, and this Coconut Aminos is a fantastic substitute to use if that applies to you. It tastes just like soy sauce, and nothing like coconut. It’s a magical little nut, I’m telling you. Of course if you do use real soy sauce, you’ll still need to choose carefully — La Choy is one gluten-free option. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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So put 1/4 cup of either soy or not-soy sauce in your bowl, then add 3 Tablespoons of dry cooking sherry. It should be 100% wine, and contain no malt or grain alcohol.

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Add 3 Tablespoons of brown sugar…

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and 1 Tablespoon of honey. Because two kinds of sweetness are better than one!

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Now add 1 Tablespoon of minced ginger, 2 cloves of minced garlic, and 1/2 teaspoon of Five Spice seasoning. Like any spice blend, you’ll want to double-check that your brand is not mixed with flour to prevent caking.

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Next, chop up two green onions. A pair of kitchen shears will take care of that even faster than a knife.

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Now throw the whole sauce plus the green onions into a ziplock bag with your two pork tenderloins, and let it marinate overnight in the fridge. If it only gets a few hours that’s not the end of the world either.

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When you’re ready to cook, line a pan with foil and place your tenderloins on a raised rack. But don’t throw out that little bag of marinade! First, scoop out one Tablespoon of the marinade, and set the rest aside for a second.

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Add 3 Tablespoons of honey, and brush the mixture over the tops of your tenderloins. This will lead to a fantastic carmelized glaze on the surface of the meat that will have you falling out of your seat in flavor ecstasy.

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Stick a fork into the marinade bag and scoop out the ginger, garlic, and green onion solids, spreading them evenly over the meat. You couldn’t do this a second ago because then your honey brush would have just wiped them all off again, you see?

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Pour enough water in the bottom of the pan so that it’s just beginning to creep up the sides, but not so much that it’s touching the bottoms of the tenderloins. Then carefully place the pan in a 450 degree oven, and cook for 30 minutes.

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Meanwhile, pour the remaining marinade into a bowl, and mix in another 1/3 cup of honey. This ratio of honey-to-marinade is much lower than that first little bit of glaze we made, so the final sauce will have a lot more of those wonderful savory flavors.

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Now this step is important: you must sterilize your sauce, since it just spent a very long time hanging out with raw meat. You can either bring it to a boil in a small pot on the stove, or microwave it for a couple minutes, either way. I know which way leaves me with fewer dishes to wash.

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Drizzle across your cooked tenderloin slices, and clear the area of any loose toys or furniture. You wouldn’t want to injure something when you fall out of your chair like I promised.

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Happy Eating!

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Chinese Barbecue (Char Siu)

2 lbs pork tenderloins
1/4 cup Coconut Aminos (or La Choy soy sauce)
3 Tbs sherry
3 Tbs brown sugar
1 Tbs + 3 Tbs + 1/3 cup honey
1 Tbs minced ginger
2 cloves minced garlic
1/2 tsp Chinese Five Spice
2 green onions

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The best thing about avocados is their simplicity. I’ve even been known to peel them from the top and eat them straight out of my hand with a little salt, just like a giant green hardboiled egg. Recipes with avocado somehow always manage to be exquisitely delicious without overcomplicating things, and this one is no exception.

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Start by mashing up one medium avocado in a bowl. (Don’t know how to deal with that giant pit? Take a brief detour here.) Then mix in 1/4 cup of Grey Poupon. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Next, we’re going to blend 1 clove of minced garlic, 1/2 teaspoon of salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of pepper into our odd little not-guacamole bowl.

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Lay your pork tenderloins out on a rack with foil underneath. They always come in packs of two, at least at my store, but I promise you these are leftovers worth having. Spread the avocado mixture evenly over the top of the meat, and roast them uncovered in a 400 degree oven for about 45 minutes. I highly recommend checking them with a meat thermometer; pork will be perfectly done at 170 degrees Fahrenheit.

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Look how fast and easy that was! Besides tasting great, this fatty layer on top serves to trap the moisture in, and the result is one incredibly tender loin. (See what I did there? I crack me up.) Slice vertically into fancy little medallions, and just see how long it can stay on the plate before it gets devoured.

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Happy Eating!

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Avocado Pork Tenderloin

1 medium avocado
1/4 cup Grey Poupon
1 clove garlic
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
2 pork tenderloins

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First, put two boneless chicken breasts on to boil in a small pot. While that gets going, dice up a medium yellow onion.

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Add a little oil to a very large skillet and begin sauteeing your onion pieces on low heat while your chicken continues to cook. (It should stay at a rolling boil for about 15 minutes, maybe more depending on how thick your chicken pieces are.) Add 1 teaspoon of salt, and 2 cloves of minced garlic to your onion.

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Also add 2 teaspoons paprika, 1 teaspoon cumin, and 1/2 teaspoon black pepper. Stir it so the spices are evenly distributed, then let the onions settle in to get nice and translucent.

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Meanwhile, chop up about 1/2 cup of fresh cilantro. Unless you are morally opposed to cilantro, don’t skip this step. It completely makes the dish. Then, while you continue to tap your toes waiting on your onions and your chicken (will this 15 minutes never end?!) whip up a double batch of avocado cream, for a total of 2 cups. Set it aside for now, we’ll get back to it in a minute.

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About this time your chicken breasts should be done, so yank them out of the water and give them a quick chop job. Then dump both chicken and cilantro into your giant sautee pan (you did choose a large enough one like I told you to, right?) Mix everything together thoroughly, then let it hang out and keep warm while you start to assemble your layers.

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First, start with a gluten-free tomatillo salsa, also known as salsa verde. This is kind of a specialty food, so there aren’t any nationally-recognizable brands I can suggest for you all (mine’s actually made in Mexico, so you’re not likely to be able to find it unless you live near the border like I do.) Of course the best thing is if your label contains nothing but whole, recognizable ingredients, but in a pinch I’ve even pulled out my cellphone and called a manufacturer’s customer service number right there in the grocery store aisle. Whatever gets the job done.

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Pour about 1/4 cup of the tomatillo salsa on the bottom of your greased 9″ by 9″ baking dish. This is just a thin little drizzle that’s going to help keep your bottom layer from sticking, it doesn’t really count as a layer. Your official first layer will be corn tostadas, broken up and overlapped a bit as necessary. You could also use soft corn tortillas, or even tortilla chips — though both are going to get soggier than these nice thick tostadas — as long as it’s 100% corn, whatever it is.

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Next, grab your avocado cream, and dollop half of it (or about 1 cup) on top of the tostadas, using the back of a spoon to spread it out evenly.

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Next, add a layer of tomatillo salsa. It’s about 1/2 cup, I think, but I just kind of eyeball it.

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Then, layer on half of your chicken mixture. Press it down a bit so it’s not full of air bubbles.

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Now, the final item in our layering scheme is diced green chiles. “But GFCF Lady,” I hear you say, “that can says whole chiles.” Well, yes, so it does. My son really, really likes the grocery store, you see, and shopping trips with him can be classified anywhere from mildly hyperactive to a Category 5 hurricane. In my hurry to get out of there on this particular occasion, I grabbed the wrong can. But no biggie, I just diced them up on my cutting board. Whether you buy them whole or diced, however, this is another one of those items that should contain nothing but the chiles. Don’t settle for added junk.

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Sprinkle half of your chile bits over the chicken, then start the layers over: tostadas, avocado cream, tomatillo sauce…

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…chicken mixture, green chiles. Bake uncovered in a 450 degree oven for 25 minutes, and the result will be the creamiest, tastiest enchilada casserole this side of the Rio Grande.

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Happy Eating!

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The GFCF Lady’s Enchilada Casserole

2 chicken breasts
1 medium yellow onion
2 cloves minced garlic
1 tsp salt
2 tsp paprika
1 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 cup chopped cilantro

8 corn tostadas
2 cups avocado cream
1 1/4 cups tomatillo sauce
1 can chopped green chiles

The author’s pretty proud of herself, even going so far as to name and patent her “new cooking method.” Who knew that all those frontier settlers using their dutch ovens in the 1800s were guilty of copyright infringement? Anyway, even if her “revolutionary” method is nothing particularly new, it’s still a great collection of very easy recipes, and the vast majority of them happen to be GFCF, or are very easily modified. (Who cooks hulled barley, anyway? Just substitute rice.)

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This is a variation on a recipe in the book called Cajun Fish, which turned out so delicious that it made me rethink my position on sweet potatoes — which prior to this meal had been, at best, indifference. First, peel and cube one sweet potato, and layer it in the bottom of your greased dutch oven.

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This recipe introduced me to another new experience as well: eating whole cooked cloves of garlic. Not for the weak of heart (or kids, for that matter,) but they’re easy to remove after cooking if you want to. I really do recommend trying it at least once though. You might be amazed like I was. Either way, just snip the ends and peel about 6-8 whole cloves of garlic, and toss them on top of the sweet potato pieces.

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Lay 1-2 pounds of fish filets over the garlic, and sprinkle them liberally with McCormick cajun seasoning blend. Do be aware that other brands of seasoning blends might contain gluten as an anti-caking agent, so you can’t just pick one willy-nilly. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning, so always check your labels!]

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Next, cut two roma tomatoes into quarters.

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You can cut the little stem connections off, but leave the insides and seeds, because that moisture is going to add to the steaming factor inside the pot.

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Layer about 1 cup of frozen green beans over the fish, then place the tomato quarters face down on top. Cover with the lid and cook in a 400 degree oven for 45 minutes.

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I wish I could do the texture of these sweet potatoes justice with my description here. They are soft, yet not mushy; savory, but still retaining a little of their natural sweetness… and most amazingly, they are completely and totally smooth, not a single string to be found. It’s really quite amazing. Oh, and the rest of the meal’s pretty darn tasty, too.

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Happy Eating!

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Cajun Fish

1 sweet potato
6-8 whole cloves garlic
1-2 pounds fish filets
1 Tbs McCormick Cajun seasoning blend
1 cup frozen green beans
2 roma tomatoes