Speaking of standing, have you ever heard that joke about how you can tell a male bell pepper from a female one? — the answer being that the female peppers have four nubs on the bottom, so they can stand on their own, but the male peppers only have three, so they fall over without another pepper to lean on.

It’s not actually true, the fruits of the pepper plant have no gender, and the number of feet is just genetic variation. Factual biology isn’t very funny after all. But it is true that the ones with more feet tend to have more space inside, so choose your serving size accordingly. You can fill anywhere from four very-large to eight rather-small peppers with this recipe.

The fastest way to clean them out is to use a pair of kitchen shears to snip straight down the inner ribs…

…then just reach in and pluck the guts out whole. Very efficient.

For the filling, first chop up 1 cup of cilantro, which is conveniently about one bunch, in grocery store packaging terms.

Also dice up 1 onion, and dump in two 4-oz. cans of diced green chiles. Don’t worry, “mild” in this case means truly mild, it’s not too spicy for kids at all.

Add in 2 teaspoons of cumin…

1 teaspoon of chili powder…

…and 1 teaspoon of salt.

Now mash around 1 pound of ground turkey until everything’s nice and meaty. Incidentally, I originally got this recipe from the fantastic Elana over at Elana’s Pantry, but somehow mine come out looking completely different than hers. I think she must use fresh chopped up turkey, even though her recipe says ground. It would certainly be a good way to use up leftover holiday poultry.

Stuff the meat mixture inside each pepper, making sure to press it all the way down into its little feminine feet.

Lay them in a greased dish, and bake at 350 degrees for an hour. If you’re especially fastidious in choosing well-footed peppers, you could save space and cook them all standing up, but only if you don’t overload them like I did here.

Mine are so crammed full of deliciousness, they couldn’t even make it down a chimney.

Happy Holiday Eating!

Stuffed Red Peppers

4-8 large red bell peppers
1 lb. ground turkey
1 cup fresh cilantro
1 onion
8 oz. diced green chiles
2 tsp cumin
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp salt

Anyway, my nightly cooking has reflected this uncontained chaos, and the truth is I haven’t been cooking much at all, let alone trying to experiment with new recipes. On the other hand, I was forced to be a little more creative most nights given my lack of time, and did actually manage to throw together something that turned out unexpectedly great.

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First, start grilling two chicken breasts in a pan with a little olive oil. Make sure you are looking at something more important when you season them, so you waste a bunch of salt and pepper in the pan like I did. Don’t be nervous about seasoning without measurements, it’s only salt and pepper. Just make it look like the picture does.

Resist the urge to turn them too early; you want the cooked part to be crawling more than halfway up the sides, and the underside to be good and browned before you flip them over.

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Meanwhile, start boiling about 4-8 ounces of gluten-free pasta. Given the color I’d say mine was at least partially corn-based, but the truth is I have no idea what brand this was.

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After it’s cooked and drained, drizzle 2 Tablespoons of olive oil in and stir well. I’d blame the steam for the blurry photo, but really it was just my unsteady hands.

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Now then: lazy secret ingredient number one. This is a random jar I found near the spaghetti sauces in my grocery store. It’s basically chopped up artichokes, garlic, oil, and salt. I think it’s supposed to get dolloped onto little toasty rounds of bruschetta at a fancy dinner party or something. But instead, I scooped about 1/2 cup of it directly into my pasta. I bet your store has something similar. Of course you should always be extra careful to check the label on any unfamiliar foods you buy.

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And lazy secret ingredient number two, a pre-made pico de gallo, which you may remember seeing before. I’m nothing if not consistent. Adding in the mango bits is a local thing, but if you’re too far north of the border to get anything remotely like this, you could always make your own. It’s literally just one red onion, one tomato, one small jalapeno, (one mango,) and a little cilantro, diced finely. I think I probably dumped in about a cup. I was not measuring this evening, believe me.

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Around this time your chicken breasts should be close to being done.

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Cut them into slices, lay them neatly across your bowls of pasta, and you might even get away with looking like you put some effort into this.

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Happy Eating!

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The GFCF Lady’s Artichoke Pasta

2 chicken breasts
salt and pepper
4 ounces gluten-free pasta
2 TBS olive oil
1/2 cup diced artichoke mix
1 cup pico de gallo

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First, put two boneless chicken breasts on to boil in a small pot. While that gets going, dice up a medium yellow onion.

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Add a little oil to a very large skillet and begin sauteeing your onion pieces on low heat while your chicken continues to cook. (It should stay at a rolling boil for about 15 minutes, maybe more depending on how thick your chicken pieces are.) Add 1 teaspoon of salt, and 2 cloves of minced garlic to your onion.

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Also add 2 teaspoons paprika, 1 teaspoon cumin, and 1/2 teaspoon black pepper. Stir it so the spices are evenly distributed, then let the onions settle in to get nice and translucent.

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Meanwhile, chop up about 1/2 cup of fresh cilantro. Unless you are morally opposed to cilantro, don’t skip this step. It completely makes the dish. Then, while you continue to tap your toes waiting on your onions and your chicken (will this 15 minutes never end?!) whip up a double batch of avocado cream, for a total of 2 cups. Set it aside for now, we’ll get back to it in a minute.

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About this time your chicken breasts should be done, so yank them out of the water and give them a quick chop job. Then dump both chicken and cilantro into your giant sautee pan (you did choose a large enough one like I told you to, right?) Mix everything together thoroughly, then let it hang out and keep warm while you start to assemble your layers.

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First, start with a gluten-free tomatillo salsa, also known as salsa verde. This is kind of a specialty food, so there aren’t any nationally-recognizable brands I can suggest for you all (mine’s actually made in Mexico, so you’re not likely to be able to find it unless you live near the border like I do.) Of course the best thing is if your label contains nothing but whole, recognizable ingredients, but in a pinch I’ve even pulled out my cellphone and called a manufacturer’s customer service number right there in the grocery store aisle. Whatever gets the job done.

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Pour about 1/4 cup of the tomatillo salsa on the bottom of your greased 9″ by 9″ baking dish. This is just a thin little drizzle that’s going to help keep your bottom layer from sticking, it doesn’t really count as a layer. Your official first layer will be corn tostadas, broken up and overlapped a bit as necessary. You could also use soft corn tortillas, or even tortilla chips — though both are going to get soggier than these nice thick tostadas — as long as it’s 100% corn, whatever it is.

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Next, grab your avocado cream, and dollop half of it (or about 1 cup) on top of the tostadas, using the back of a spoon to spread it out evenly.

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Next, add a layer of tomatillo salsa. It’s about 1/2 cup, I think, but I just kind of eyeball it.

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Then, layer on half of your chicken mixture. Press it down a bit so it’s not full of air bubbles.

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Now, the final item in our layering scheme is diced green chiles. “But GFCF Lady,” I hear you say, “that can says whole chiles.” Well, yes, so it does. My son really, really likes the grocery store, you see, and shopping trips with him can be classified anywhere from mildly hyperactive to a Category 5 hurricane. In my hurry to get out of there on this particular occasion, I grabbed the wrong can. But no biggie, I just diced them up on my cutting board. Whether you buy them whole or diced, however, this is another one of those items that should contain nothing but the chiles. Don’t settle for added junk.

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Sprinkle half of your chile bits over the chicken, then start the layers over: tostadas, avocado cream, tomatillo sauce…

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…chicken mixture, green chiles. Bake uncovered in a 450 degree oven for 25 minutes, and the result will be the creamiest, tastiest enchilada casserole this side of the Rio Grande.

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Happy Eating!

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The GFCF Lady’s Enchilada Casserole

2 chicken breasts
1 medium yellow onion
2 cloves minced garlic
1 tsp salt
2 tsp paprika
1 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 cup chopped cilantro

8 corn tostadas
2 cups avocado cream
1 1/4 cups tomatillo sauce
1 can chopped green chiles

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The key ingredient here is the rice paper that the spring rolls are wrapped in. My grocery store carries it in the ethnic food aisle, but you may have to go to an Asian market to get it, it just depends. The ingredients should literally be nothing but rice and tapioca starch.

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My shrimp are looking pretty pathetic here, to be honest. They were frozen. They look better by the time they’re cooked, I promise. You’ll want to boil three shrimp for every spring roll you plan to make. They should only need maybe 7-8 minutes to cook, even if you start from frozen.

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The bulk of the spring roll is going to be filled with these tiny white noodles called vermicelli, or cellophane noodles. Often they are made of rice, but sometimes they are made of mung bean, as is the case here. Again, any Asian market will have them.

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Mine come conveniently clumped into single-servings, which will fill two spring rolls each. But if yours are in a big block, just break off what you need. Boil them for about 5-7 minutes, just until the noodles are soft and slippery, then you can turn the heat off and let them hang out in the water while you assemble the spring rolls.

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Fill a huge bowl with warm water. Dip one sheet of rice paper carefully under the water, and hold it there for 30 seconds.

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See? Soggy and floppy! I mean, ah, soft and pliable. Yeah.

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Traditionally, shredded cabbage is the main vegetable of choice in spring rolls. But I’m kind of partial to this random product I found. It’s basically just shredded broccoli stalks. Plus, it’s got this weird carrot-and-broccoli superhero lady on the bag, so that’s something else in its favor. I think. Anyway, just pick something green and slightly crunchy, whatever floats your boat.

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It’s hard to see, but my wet rice paper is laying on the cutting board, and the filling is about two inches from the bottom edge. Lay three shrimp in a line, then top with your shredded cabbage (or broccoli shreds, like me.) I also added some shredded carrots and a thin slice of yellow bell pepper. Really, the fillings are up to you. We’ve filled some with cooked rice and leftover pulled pork before, and it turned out great. Anything you can put in a burrito, you can put in a rice paper wrapper.

That herb I’m topping it off with is cilantro, by the way, also known as coriander. If you hate cilantro (and many people do,) another traditional herb you could substitute is mint.

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By now your noodles will be a tangled mess inside your pot. Take a fork, and twist up a hefty amount like spaghetti, so that the dangling column is about an inch thick. Then just take a pair of kitchen scissors and snip it right off. Instant spring roll size!

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Fold the sides of your rice paper inward…

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Then roll tightly from the bottom upward, making sure the top flap gets a nice wet seal against the rest of the roll. If you let the rolls sit for awhile before serving, the rice paper will have a chance to dry out just a little bit, which will reduce the chances of it tearing. Assuming you can stand to wait that long. These hold up great in lunchboxes, by the way.

And of course, don’t forget the peanut sauce.

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Happy Eating!

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Spring Rolls

8 rice paper rounds
24 small shrimp
shredded cabbage or broccoli
shredded carrots
cilantro
Vermicelli noodles (rice or mung bean)

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You can certainly make your own gluten-free crust if you’re feeling bakey, but in my opinion that’s only worth doing when the storebought versions aren’t any good. And I’m here to tell you, these Kinnikinnick GFCF pizza crusts are good. (And just so we’re clear, they don’t pay me to say that — they don’t even know I exist. I’m just a happy customer, that’s all.)

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Of course you could always go with a standard Italian pizza, tomato sauce and pepperoni and all that, but I’m jumping continents for a less conventional dish. On my Mexican pizza, we’re going to be using a black bean mixture for the sauce. First, start with a can of Bush’s black beans, mostly drained. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change recipes without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Mash the beans up with a potato masher, or just use a fork if you don’t have one. Alternatively, you can start with a can of refried black beans instead, and save yourself the work. This might also be a good option if your kids are sensitive to lumpy textures.

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Now add in two Tablespoons of your favorite GFCF salsa. Mine’s a local brand, but one national brand option is Tostitos (the All-Natural line of flavors only.)

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Next add in 2 cloves of minced garlic (or 1 teaspoon of the jarred kind,) and 1 teaspoon of dried cilantro.

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And while you’re at it, toss in one teaspoon of cumin, too.

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Mix everything thoroughly, and spread it onto your crusts with the back of a spoon. This will make enough to liberally cover 2-3 of the Kinnikinnick crusts, so if you’re making more than that you’ll want to increase the recipe accordingly.

Now as for the cheese substitute… You can of course use any of the soy-based fake cheeses available, but I believe I’ve mentioned before what I think of those. (Do also be careful with them, as many fake cheeses still contain casein. “Sodium Caseinate” is the deadly ingredient you’ll need to watch out for.) There’s actually a brand new cheese substitute on the market called Daiya, which is made from coconut instead of soy. We had a chance to try it at a local GF restaurant, and it was awesome! But while it is slowly starting to get distributed to grocery stores for individual sale, I still can’t get it in any of mine yet (I’m looking at you, Whole Foods!) So in the meantime I am continuing to use something a little more unorthodox…

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Polenta! Let me be the first to admit, this was not my idea. I honestly cannot remember where I first read this suggestion; if anyone knows please leave a comment so I can give proper attribution. For those of you not familiar with it, polenta is a kind of cooked, mashed up corn meal, usually stocked in these plastic tubes in the pasta aisle of regular grocery stores. It tastes like pretty much nothing, which is far better than tasting like a bad fake cheese, in my humble opinion.

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Most importantly, you can grate it just like real cheese! Leave the wrapper over the part you’re holding though, because otherwise it’s going to get all mooshed up in your hand.

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Granted, it’s not really going to melt, but it will brown on the edges a bit, so in the end it looks pretty darn good. Just sprinkle it on exactly like you would shredded cheese.

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Pop it in a 375 degree oven for 10-15 minutes, and you’re good to go!

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As with any pizza, the range of toppings is completely up to you. But I do highly recommend tomatoes and green onions with this black bean sauce. It’s very Mexican-y, don’t you agree?

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Happy Eating!

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The GFCF Lady’s Mexican Pizza

2 Kinnikinnick GF pizza crusts
1 can Bush’s black beans
2 Tbs GFCF salsa
1 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp dried cilantro
1 tsp cumin
3/4 cup grated polenta
1 roma tomato
2 green onions

Of course ours isn’t truly Buttered Chicken, but Margarined Chicken just doesn’t have the same ring to it. I hope you can understand why I called this recipe decadent a second ago: the first step is to melt an entire stick of Fleischmann’s Unsalted (not Original) Margarine in a very large pan. Yes, an entire stick. Just remind yourself how glad you are that it’s not an entire stick of real butter going straight to your hips. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

As a side note, you could also use the traditional Indian butter known as ghee, which is what truly authentic Buttered Chicken recipes call for. While ghee is made with real dairy butter, the cooking process that makes it into ghee removes the casein. You have to balance how sensitive your kids are to dairy, and how much you trust the manufacturer to really process out every last molecule of casein. I have known families that use it with absolutely no ill effects, but we don’t bother with it.

Meanwhile, dice up two onions, and toss them in with the margarine over low heat so they can start getting nice and golden.

One of the defining features of Indian cuisine is the ridiculous number of spices (especially when you consider the fact that garam masala is a blend of spices in and of itself!) But if your family ends up loving this recipe as much as mine does, you can measure out a second little container of all these spices as you’re going along so you’ll already have one pre-made for the next time. We’re going to use 2 tsp garam masala, 2 tsp cilantro (also known as coriander,) 1 tsp cumin, 1 tsp chili powder, 1 tsp cardamom, 1/2 tsp black pepper, and 1 tsp salt. Whew!

You’re also going to add in 1 teaspoon each of minced garlic and ginger. If you want to do the extra work and mince it fresh yourself, be my guest. Me, I’ve got laundry to do. Among other things.

Just in the last year, the GFCF community has been granted a huge gift in the form of this new coconut milk yogurt by So Delicious. Of course, various soy yogurts have been around forever, and you could still use one of those in this recipe if you prefer. But can I tell you? I do not prefer. I really, really hate the taste of soy-based anything. I can smell that stuff across the room, and it is not my cup of tea. Plus, soy is one of the top 8 major allergens, so it’s really nice to have an alternative, or at least one that you don’t have to ferment yourself in your own yogurt machine. Conveniently, we need exactly one container, but if you happen to be working with a larger tub of yogurt, it’s going to be roughly 2/3 cup.

Then add 2 Tablespoons of tomato paste, stir vigorously, and your sauce is ready. See, that wasn’t so hard, was it? Do double-check that your tomato paste brand is gluten-free. There should be nothing in that can but tomatoes.

Cut up 4 chicken breasts, and combine with the sauce so everything’s nice and coated. Yes, this is kind of a large recipe. On the one hand, you could easily cut it in half. But on the other hand, it reheats extremely well, so leftovers are a great choice too.

By now your onions should be looking good, so you can go ahead and turn up the heat a bit and stir the chicken mixture into the pan rapidly. You don’t want to cook the little pieces all the way through yet, just get the outsides seared — maybe 5-8 minutes, max.

Then pour in 1/2 cup of water…

And snuggle two bay leaves under the surface. Let them simmer in their fragrant little hot tub for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.

After your dish has been simmering for 30 minutes, it’s time to start your rice. (Do yourself a favor and buy a rice cooker, if you haven’t already. You can’t put a price on perfectly-cooked rice.) I usually prepare about 1 1/2 cups, but my plan is never to have leftover rice, just leftover buttered chicken. So if you’ve made peace with the texture of reheated rice — obviously I haven’t — you may want to make more so your leftovers are in equal amounts.

Stir in 1/3 cup of almond milk, and allow it to simmer for another 15-20 minutes, until the rice is done.

Don’t forget to fish those bay leaves out of the pot before you serve it though. The kids might think you’re trying to poison them if they find plants hidden in their meal.

Happy Eating!

The GFCF Lady’s Buttered Chicken

2 tsp garam masala
2 tsp cilantro (coriander)
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp cardamom
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
2/3 cup coconut milk yogurt
2 Tbs tomato paste

1 stick (8 TBS) Fleischmann’s Unsalted margarine
2 onions
4 chicken breasts
1/2 cup water
2 bay leaves
1/3 cup almond milk

As promised, here is a handy little cilantro pesto recipe, good for using up leftover bunches, sneaking cilantro into your children’s diet for its detoxifying effects, or both. You may notice I was relying heavily on the “use it up” excuse this time, as my cilantro was getting a little wilty. So much so, that I figured it wasn’t even worth it to try to pick out the good parts from the bottom half, I just chopped it right off.

Of course, even when you try to take the lazy way out, you still end up having to pick out tons of thick stems from the top part. Learn from the error of my ways, people.

Once you’ve got a tightly-packed cup’s worth of usable leaves, throw them in the blender, and add 1/2 cup of Bob’s Red Mill ground almond meal. Or grind up your own almonds in the food processor, but really, that’s so much more work. And you already did all that work pulling out the stems, you deserve a break.

Add one clove of minced garlic…

2 Tablespoons of lemon juice…

And 6 Tablespoons of olive oil.

Now make a bunch of noise with your blender, and pray it doesn’t wake the kids up from their nap.

If it’s too thick, you can add a little more liquid. Just remember to keep the ratio of lemon juice to oil at 1:3. So one 1/4 teaspoon of lemon juice…

And three 1/4 teaspoons of oil.

Repeat as necessary until you have a lovely green paste. The lemon juice acts as a preservative, so it will keep in an airtight container in the fridge for weeks. Dip tortilla chips in it, use it as a spread for burgers, add some extra oil and toss it with rice pasta, or mix it into ground meat–whatever your kids will let you get away with.

Happy Eating!

Cilantro Pesto

1 cup packed fresh cilantro
1/2 cup of Bob’s Red Mill almond meal
1 clove of garlic
2 tablespoons lemon juice
6 tablespoons olive oil

But in this recipe, it’s at least a reasonably fair moniker, because it does include some very Southwestern ingredients. If you’d rather call it Arizona Chicken Soup to promote diversity among the Southwestern states, that’s fine by me. We start with about one pound of plain old chicken. (And I do mean plain–stay away from broth-injected packaged chicken, unless you like to gamble with your gluten content, which I’d hope you wouldn’t, being on this site and all.) These are some extra tenders I had leftover in the freezer, but you could do any kind of light or dark meat, it doesn’t matter. Boil them until they’re cooked through, about 15 minutes depending on the thickness of your pieces.

Drain the chicken and set the pieces aside. In the same pot (it doesn’t have to be the same pot, but why get extra dishes dirty?) pour in 4 cups of gluten-free chicken stock. Pacific Foods makes a good one. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas at any time. Always double-check your lablels.]

While the stock is warming up, shred the chicken pieces with two forks.

Also, measure out 1 1/2 cups of gluten-free salsa. The spice level is entirely up to you (and what your kids will tolerate.) They make some salsas that are as mild as ketchup, and others that will take a few layers of skin off your mouth. Mine is a local brand, so you’re unlikely to be able to find it in your area, but Tostitos (All-Natural line of flavors only) is another option that’s sold pretty much everywhere.

Oh and look, this one even calls itself Texasalsa. In my defense, I used to prefer a different flavor of Jardine’s 7J Ranch salsa, but that one had gluten in it, alas. Just goes to show, you can’t mentally mark whole brands as safe or not, you have to verify each individual product.

Add the chicken and salsa to the pot, and toss in some frozen corn. I guess this is probably about a cup, I just give the bag a couple of shakes until it looks right.

Also add in 2 Tablespoons of lime juice. You can cut back on this if your salsa is already on the acidic side. Mine is, but I like the extra bite anyway. And yes, the GFCFBoy likes it this way too–he’s got sensory issues with his mouth, and loves extremely spicy or sour flavors. Used to eat wasabi peas as a toddler, no joke.

Chop up about 1/4 cup of fresh cilantro. If you don’t have fresh, just skip it, don’t even bother with the dried stuff for this. Chances are decent your salsa already has some of that in it anyway. Fresh makes all the difference in the flavor here. Plus, there is evidence that cilantro is a natural detoxifier, among its many other health benefits. Some even go so far as to suggest that in the right doses it can be as effective as chelation drugs at removing heavy metals from the body, which is a topic of interest to many parents of autistic children. (And if you’re looking for other places to sneak cilantro into the diet of you or your offspring, I’ve got a nice cilantro pesto recipe that I promise I’ll post sometime soon.)

Now, I know that cilantro is a very polarizing herb; people either love it or they hate it. There are even some scientific studies confirming that a portion of the population has a genetic variance in their tongues’ chemical receptors, which sadly makes cilantro taste absolutely horrid to them. If you’re one of these people, don’t worry, there’s a community just for you. Also, if you’re one of these people, just try using parsley in this recipe instead. It won’t be the same as my soup, but I’d imagine that’s kind of what you’re going for.

Jeez, enough with the cilantro already, eh? Just scrape it into the pot and get on with it! Okay, I hear you. We’re almost done.

Season with salt to suit your tastes. Again, this depends on the base flavor of your salsa. I use about a teaspoon or so.

At this point what we’ve got is pretty thin. If you like it that way, great, but I tend to like my soups to be just a little thicker. So I mix a Tablespoon of potato starch in the minimal amount of water needed to dissolve it, and add that to the simmering pot. Sometimes I’m impatient and add two, it just depends. Another thing you can do if you want to stretch the soup further is add a cup or two of cooked white rice.

Let it simmer and reduce for as long as you like. Me, I usually just barely get everything warm enough before I start greedily ladling it into my bowl. This goes great with tortilla chips (make sure they’re 100% corn,) and even better with a side of guacamole. I gotta tell you, guacamole absolutely saved me when we first started this diet. It had that perfect creamy texture I was craving–everything that used to get cheese or sour cream on it got a heaping glop of guacamole instead. I’ll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that no combination was too weird. I was a guacamole fiend for weeks on end.

Happy Eating!

Texas Chicken Soup

1 lb. boneless chicken pieces
4 cups Pacific Foods chicken stock
1 1/2 cups GF salsa
1 cup frozen corn
1/4 cup fresh cilantro

OPTIONAL:
2 TBS lime juice
1 tsp salt
1 TBS potato starch dissolved in water
1 cup cooked rice