Now for one of my many dirty little secrets: I love the kind of cranberry sauce that comes in a can. Always have. It is more like cranberry jello than cranberry sauce… which is awesome. But the new me couldn’t accept all the chemicals that typically go into that sort of thing. Strictly speaking, you can easily make the canned version just by making this jello recipe with bottled cranberry juice. But I’ve come up with this half-breed jellied cranberry sauce that I really like, so I’m going to show you how to make that here. I guess we’ll find out if I’m the only one who likes it! First, we have to make some traditional cranberry sauce, so start with a ten-ounce package of frozen cranberries, and dump 1 full cup of sugar on top.

Add 1 cup of water, and stir it all around. Another option is to use one cup of orange juice instead, which is a great flavor if you’re going the traditional route, but it does change the texture quite a bit if you go on to make my mock-can preparation, so you have to decide in advance which one you’re going to make.

Boil for about 10 minutes, until the skins of the cranberries begin to pop.

As it cools, it will thicken and goo-ify. Bet you won’t find that term in the Joy of Cooking glossary. Now, you can be a curmudgeonly coward and stop here, serving up a perfectly traditional but classy cranberry sauce. Or you can be a wild, modern trend-setter, and read on for something completely different.

First, make your sauce smooth in a blender or food processor.

There are probably still going to be some small bits, which I suppose you could try to strain out if you really wanted. Then, pour your puree into a large bowl.

Sprinkle one packet of Knox gelatin over the entire surface.

Pour in one cup of boiling water…

…and stir quickly to make sure all the gelatin dissolves.

Pour it into whatever container you want it to set in. These round tupperware containers are my homage to the metal can, of which I have precisely zero available in my kitchen.

Let it set in the fridge for several hours, and voila: jellied cranberry sauce! Fair warning, you may have to thwack pretty hard on the bottom of the container to get it to come out like this. But you could also leave it in the container — this stuff is still a bit spreadable, kind of like a very thick jam, which is the way I like it.

And while you’re planning your Thanksgiving table, don’t forget these great recipes:

Thanksgiving Turkey
Deviled Eggs
Sweet Potato and Apple Bake
Mashed Potatoes
Green Bean Casserole
Corn Casserole
Pumpkin Pie

Happy Thanksgiving!

Cranberry Sauce

10-ounce bag frozen cranberries
1 cup sugar
1 cup water (or 1 cup orange juice)

Optional:
1 packet Knox gelatin
1 cup boiling water

So I’m busily living in sweat-laden denial, and that includes getting into the mood for all these great autumn foods that are coming down the pipeline. Heck, it’ll probably still be swelteringly hot on Thanksgiving Day anyway, so why not start enjoying them now? Anachronistic food is not a crime.

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It should come as no surprise that this recipe contains apples, specifically the Granny Smith variety. I really like them with the peels on, but I understand if you have to take them off. Either way, cut three apples into wedges (minus the cores) and set them aside.

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Peel two sweet potatoes, and cut them into rounds about 3/4 inch thick. Then cut each round into fourths, so you end up with a bunch of little pizza-slice shapes.

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Does the shape honestly matter? No, but it makes arranging them easier if they’re all the same. And while we’re being honest, this alternating-line arrangement isn’t really necessary either. But it sure does look pretty, doesn’t it? Note that I did grease this pan with a little coconut oil before going all Martha Stewart on it.

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Next, take 1 cup of apple juice (the cloudy kind that comes in a glass jar is best, it means it’s the least-processed) and gently pour it into the baking dish among the apple and sweet potato pieces.

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Now, measure out 1/3 cup of brown sugar, and mix in 1 teaspoon of cinnamon…

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And 1/8 teaspoon of nutmeg. I just eyeballed half of a quarter teaspoon for this one, rather than go hunting for my tiny measuring spoons. Close enough for government work.

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Blend the three together, then sprinkle your sugar mixture evenly over the baking dish. You can’t sprinkle such tiny amounts of cinnamon and nutmeg over such a large dish, see, that’s why we mixed them into the sugar first.

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Now, layer about 1/2 cup of pecan pieces over the top. Have I mentioned before how hard it is to photograph plastic bags? I swear I must have taken a dozen shots before I got one where the flash wasn’t reflecting awkwardly off the bag and making it unreadable. But because I love all of you, I persevered.

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Bake uncovered in a 350 degree oven for 1 hour. Then crank up your A/C and pretend it’s jacket weather out there.

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Happy Eating!

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Sweet Potato and Apple Bake

3 Granny Smith apples
2 sweet potatoes
1 cup apple juice
1/3 cup brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1/8 tsp nutmeg
1/2 cup pecan pieces

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We start by hardboiling three eggs. (They should spend 15 minutes at a full rolling boil, if you don’t happen to keep egg timing tables in a readily accessible part of your brain.)

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Peel the eggs and slice them in half, then gently pop out the yolks. They’re not part of this recipe, so you can toss them, or mix in some mayo for a sandwich spread, or even sprinkle on a little salt and snack on them while you’re cooking. That’s what I always end up doing. I’m sure my arteries are so grateful to me.

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Meanwhile, cut the whites lengthwise again, then cross-cut into thirds. Or whatever, just get them bite-sized.

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Slice and dice about half a cucumber.

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And do the same with two roma tomatoes.

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Now, the critical question: what dressing to use? Generally speaking, we’re going for an Italian flavor here. (Notice how the salad is a lovely red, white, and green? That’s no accident, my friend.) There are a lot of GFCF Italian dressings out there, but then again, there are a lot that aren’t. Personally, I’m in love with Brianna’s New American dressing, which is basically a thick balsamic vinaigrette. It’s darn tasty, whatever national heritage it wants to claim. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Drizzle with impunity, toss lightly, and dig in! Another option is to substitute tofu for the egg whites, if you happen to be vegan, or just like the taste of tofu. I don’t fall into either category, but I promise I won’t judge. Well, not very harshly, at any rate.

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Happy Eating!

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The GFCF Lady’s Cucumber Tomato Salad

3 hardboiled eggs
1/2 cucumber
2 roma tomatoes
3-4 Tbs Brianna’s New American dressing

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First — I mean primarily, we poach the peaches. You can peel, pit, and partition a whole peach, or you can take a shortcut and use 8 frozen peach slices, like I did. Cover them with 1 cup of 100% apple juice. The best apple juices will come in a glass bottle and be a little cloudy, incidentally. That’s how you know it came straight from the apple to you.

Heat the pot to boiling, and let it simmer for about 20 minutes while you work on the rest of the meal.

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Liberally paint your pork pieces with pepper (plus salt) on both sides, then sautee them over medium heat in a pan with little olive oil.

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Don’t flip the pork chops until the underside is starting to brown. Around the time the second side is browning, they’ll be close to being done, but the best way to tell is with a meat thermometer. Pork is perfectly done at exactly 165 degrees. Do it the scientific way, and you’ll never be left guessing. Once they’re ready, pull them out of the pan and place them on a plate.

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Pour the extra liquid out of the pan, and place it back on the stovetop, keeping the heat on low. Pouring meat fat directly down the sink drain is not the right thing to do, but I’m justifying it by pretending that it’s mostly leftover olive oil rather than grease.

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Strain the peaches out with a slotted spoon, and put them on your waiting dinner plates.

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Now pour the peachy-apple liquid directly into the still-hot pork pan.

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It’s going to sizzle like mad for a moment, and part of that process will be prying up all those delicious brown particles from the bottom of the pan. You can help it along by scraping a bit with a wooden spoon, if you want. This is what’s known as “de-glazing” the pan, in case you’ve always wondered what those fancy TV chefs are talking about. Aside from creating amazing and deeply-flavored sauces to accompany whatever meat you just cooked, it helps reduce washing time considerably as well. Even if you’re not making a sauce with a particular meal, do yourself a favor and toss a quarter cup of water into your hot pan after you’re done cooking the meat, and you’ll have a lot less scrubbing to do after dinner.

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Now add 1 Tablespoon of balsamic vinegar (real balsamic vinegar, that is, never anything “flavored” like balsamic vinegar.)

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And also 1/2 teaspoon each of thyme, rosemary, and oregano.

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I actually measured the spices out beforehand and kept them in a little side cup, because I didn’t really have anything to do while the pork and peaches were cooking. Which is rare, let me tell you. I probably did have something to do, but was avoiding it. Some people cook with love, but I prefer the taste of denial.

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Spoon your sauce over both the peaches and the pork. You’ll be pleased with the payoff, I promise.

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Pleasant Partaking!

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Pork Chops with Poached Peaches

2-4 pork chops
1 peach, or 8 slices frozen peaches
1 cup 100% apple juice
1 TBS balsamic vinegar
1/2 tsp thyme
1/2 tsp rosemary
1/2 tsp oregano

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First thing you’ll want to do is cut up about 6 slices of bacon into fairly small pieces. Make sure your bacon is gluten-free, and preferably nitrate/nitrite free as well. I like Hormel Natural Choice, myself. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Sautee the bacon bits in a large pot, or a very deep pan with a lid. I know it looks like overkill now, but the need for all that pan space will become evident in a moment.

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Once the pieces are nice and crispy, scoop them out with a slotted spoon, and set them aside on a paper towel to drain.

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Use the bacon fat remaining in the pan to sautee one onion, and two cloves of minced garlic. See, we’re using every part of the bacon, just like the ancient tribes of… no, nevermind. It’s because it’s delicious, that’s why.

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While that’s cooking, take two bunches of kale, and cut out the main stem from each leaf by running your knife right down both sides of it. Chop the leaves into fairly large pieces, and lightly drop it all into the pan. It should take up a lot of space, kind of like a giant bowl of salad that you happen to have sitting on the stove.

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Gently turn the pile for about a minute, until the leaves are bright green and well-coated in bacon-ness. Please note that the right way to do this is with tongs. As long as you don’t actually touch the bottom of the pan, you probably won’t burn your fingers. I mean, I did, but I’m sure you’re more careful than I am. Or at least smarter, and thus willing to use tongs.

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Now pour about 1/4 cup of water into the pan…

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…and place the lid mostly over the top, leaving a small gap.

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Six to ten minutes later, you will be stunned at how much your kale has shrunk. But not for long, because you’ll be too busy salivating over the plate of bacon that’s been waiting patiently by your side, like a loyal friend. Ideally, the kale will be soft and wilted, but not overcooked and slimey. Better to take the lid off too early than too late, so keep an eye on it.

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Let’s not mince words here. You need to eat more vegetables. You want to eat more bacon. Now you don’t have to choose between the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other.

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Happy Eating!

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Kale with Bacon and Onion

2 bunches of kale, trimmed
6 slices of bacon
1 onion
2 cloves minced garlic
1/4 cup water

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Start with about a pound and a half of fresh green beans (or go with a bag of pre-cut frozen ones, I’ll never judge,) and boil them with a Tablespoon of salt for 10-15 minutes, until they’re tender. It’s important to salt the water because we won’t be using a canned cream of mushroom soup, so we have to replace at least some of that sodium content your tastebuds will be expecting.

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Meanwhile, take a 10 ounce package of sliced mushrooms, and slice them some more so the pieces are pretty small.

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Pour some oil in a very large pan, and begin sauteeing your diced mushrooms along with 3 cloves of minced garlic.

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Also add 1 Tablespoon of dried chopped onions. You can find this stuff in the seasoning aisle if you’ve never seen it before, or for that matter you could just use onion powder instead.

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While the mushrooms are softening up (and don’t forget those green beans still cooking in the pot,) scoop out 2 Tablespoons of potato starch into a small cup. You could also use cornstarch if you prefer, but either way make sure you choose a brand that’s pure, not mixed with any other substances.

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Mix in one Tablespoon of dry cooking sherry…

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…and 3/4 cup gluten-free chicken broth. Pacific Foods is one good option. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Stir it up with a fork until the potato starch is completely dissolved, then pour it into your mushroom pan.

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It should thicken right up within a minute or two.

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Once it does, add 3/4 cup of almond milk, and stir well.

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And that right there is dairy-free cream of mushroom soup! You could of course make that little mixture on a larger scale and serve it in bowls, if that strikes your fancy. But today, it’s getting a bunch of drained green beans dumped in instead.

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Also add in 1/2 teaspoon of pepper, and 2 teaspoons of salt.

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Pack it all into a 9 x 9 baking dish, and sprinkle flat-slivered almonds over the top. Classy and traditional. Bake it uncovered for 20 minutes at 350 degrees, and those almonds will become toasted and crispy: the perfect topping to the perfect side dish.

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Happy Eating!

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Green Bean Casserole

1 1/2 lbs. green beans
1 TBS salt
10 oz. mushrooms
3 cloves minced garlic
1 TBS dried chopped onions (or onion powder)
2 TBS potato starch
1 TBS dry sherry
3/4 cup GF chicken broth
3/4 cup almond milk
1/2 tsp pepper
2 tsp salt
3/4 cup flat-slivered almonds

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Mind you, even a modern, fancy carrot salad still has to have shredded carrots in it. I’m not reinventing the wheel here. Start with a 10-ounce bag, or about 3 cups.

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And of course, raisins. Most brands are fine, but on rare occasion you might find one that is dusted with flour to prevent sticking, so double-check that your package says it contains nothing but raisins. (Many also contain the preservative sulphur dioxide, which, while not a source of gluten, also ain’t so good for you in the long run. All natural is the way to go.)

You know how, when you were a kid, there was always that one house that gave out boxes of raisins at Halloween, instead of something good? Heck, in my neighborhood we had a dentist who actually gave out toothbrushes, the old Scrooge. (Don’t question my cross-holiday metaphors, I’m working here.) Anyway, I don’t know if it’s lingering childhood bitterness, or a genuine tastebud aversion, but for whatever reason I actually really don’t like raisins. So I use golden raisins here instead, about 1/2 cup to be specific. But don’t let my prejudices cloud your own judgment; if you’d prefer to stick with the traditional dark raisins, I won’t hold it against you.

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Now pour in about 1 cup of Minute Maid Original orange juice. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!] Aside from avoiding brands that contain gluten (and there are some!) it’s also probably best to avoid any orange juice that is fortified with calcium, rather than try to figure out whether that calcium came from a non-dairy source. Or better yet, you could just squeeze some actual oranges — you know, juice them, as it were.

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Pack everything down so that the liquid comes to the top of the carrots. Then cover the bowl and refrigerate for several hours, to allow both the raisins and the carrots to soak up that lovely orange flavor. The raisins will actually swell and become kind of plump again, it’s neat.

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When you’re closer to meal time, measure out about 1/2 cup of walnut pieces and toast them until they’re light and crispy. The easiest way to do this is to pop them in the microwave for a minute at a time until they’re done. You can also do it in a dry pan on the stovetop, or even on a tray in the oven, but both of those take longer and are more likely to burn the nuts.

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Drain the excess orange juice from the carrot mixture, then toss in the toasted walnuts and serve. And here’s a tip: switch out those raisins for dried cranberries, and this becomes a perfect GFCF Thanksgiving side dish.

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Happy Eating!

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The GFCF Lady’s Carrot Raisin Salad

3 cups shredded carrots
1/2 cup raisins
1 cup orange juice
1/2 cup walnut pieces

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We start with, of course, onions. I prefer yellow, but you could make this with white onions as well. I chose to use four of them because a couple of mine were on the small side; three large ones would work fine too.

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Slice them thinly (or slightly less thin if you’re lazy like me,) with maybe one cut across the middle so you don’t end up with any hugely long strands. It ain’t French onion spaghetti.

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Now we’re going to throw them all in the bottom of a large soup pot, and add 1/4 cup grapeseed oil (or whatever quality cooking oil you prefer, grapeseed just happens to be extremely mild in flavor.)

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Sprinkle in 1 teaspoon of sugar, and sautee them slowly until they’re very well done, at least 15 minutes. You want those suckers to be deep golden and as translucent as possible. Don’t be afraid to add a little more oil if necessary.

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When they’re ready, gently mix in 1 Tablespoon of tapioca starch and stir it around until it’s nice and pasty, thoroughly blended with the pan juices. I know the bag says “flour” in a bigger font than “starch,” but trust me, no one ever calls it tapioca flour. It functions the same as corn starch and potato starch, so that’s what we call it.

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Measure out 2 1/2 cups of Pacific Foods beef broth. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!] Pour this into the soup pot, along with another 2 1/2 cups of water.

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While it’s true that “do as I say, not as I do” is not the most effective parenting technique, it’s not such a bad thing for cooking blogs. I have to admit that I cut a corner here, and it turned out to be a big mistake. But I make this soup rather infrequently, so I figured I’d just own up and tell you the right way to do it, rather than wait until I got around to making it again. What you want to be pouring into your pot right now is 1/2 cup of dark red wine. I used this rosé wine bottle that I happened to already have open (hey, at least it was a French wine!) and like I said, it didn’t work. This soup really needs the rich depth of a merlot or at least a pinot noir.

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See? It doesn’t even look like French onion soup, it’s so light. It’s just non-ethnic onion soup, I guess. But I know you will not be so reckless with your ingredients as I, and your soup will look and taste like mine normally does, which is to say delicious. Bring it to a boil and continue simmering for 10-15 minutes. Aside from maturing the flavors, this is what will boil off your alcohol content, by the way, making it fit for child consumption.

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Toast a slice of gluten-free bread, and you can even do that little floaty crust thing the French folks like to do. You could sprinkle a little Daiya on top too, if you need the full experience, but I like it just like this.

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Happy Eating!

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French Onion Soup

3-4 onions
1/4 cup grapeseed oil
1 tsp sugar
1 tablespoon tapioca starch 
2 1/2 cups Pacific Foods beef broth
2 1/2 cups water
1/2 cup red wine

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Of course you’ll want to start with peeling and roughly chopping 4 medium sweet potatoes.

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Boil those suckers for about 25 minutes, until they are very soft.

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After they’re drained, I like to mash them up just a little so that things go easier with my hand mixer later on, but you can skip this step if you don’t mind huge chunks of sweet potato being violently flung around your pot.

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Now the important part. Add in 1/3 cup of Minute Maid orange juice (and sadly, yes, the brand is important. There are brands of orange juice with gluten in them, horrifying as that is…) In general, you may or may not need to avoid orange juice that has been fortified with calcium in the form of calcium lactate. What it boils down to is, most calcium lactate sources in the US are derived from non-dairy sources, but foreign-sourced calcium lactate could very possibly be made with whey, and some food manufacturers in the US do use the whey form as well. The only way to be sure is to contact the manufacturer, and always check your labels!

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The second key ingredient is 1/4 cup of honey. And that’s it! Now all you have to do is get out your hand mixer and whip those sweet potatoes into oblivion.

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Now why, I ask you, would you ever restrict something so scrumptious to just one holiday? Aside from being tasty, sweet potatoes are also very healthy, and deserve to be eaten year-round. Some people prefer to make them a little less healthy and melt a layer of marshmallows on the top. I’m morally opposed to it myself, but only because I don’t particularly like marshmallows. If you go that route, I believe Kraft Jet-Puffed Marshmallows are gluten-free, but like I said, I don’t have occasion to check up on that particular food product very often, so you’ll want to double-check before you buy. 

By the way, you see that other colorful pile in the background? That’s nothing but a bag of frozen “fajita vegetables” (i.e. red peppers, green peppers, and onions) with a couple handfuls of frozen corn thrown into the mix. Instant side dish! I made this post a two-fer to try to make up for my sporadic summertime posting. It’s a busy time of year, and I’m sure some of you out there are looking forward to Back to School time just as much as I am.

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Happy Eating!

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Sweet Potatoes

4 medium sweet potatoes
1/3 cup 100% orange juice
1/4 cup honey

Pepper Medley

1 bag frozen fajita vegetables
1 cup frozen corn

The subject at hand: birthday cakes. Depending on how far along you are in your GFCF journey, you may already be able to whip up a delectable gluten-free cake that your non-GF guests will love. At the very least, anyone can use one of the many decent GFCF baking mixes out there, and it’s my experience that as long as there’s sugary frosting on top, the kids are not going to pay much attention to what’s underneath anyway.

But what if you’ve got extra allergies to contend with, like eggs, nuts, soy — or all of those and more? Or what if you’re still really brand-new to all this, and you’re just not up for baking yet, but you can’t exactly skip your kid’s birthday? Well I say, don’t let The Man tell you what is or is not a birthday cake!

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This, ladies and gentlemen, isn’t just a birthday cake. It’s Better Than Birthday Cake.

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Start with the biggest watermelon you can possibly find. If the only thing you can get in your area are those little “personal” watermelons, you can still do this, but you’re going to need at least three of them. First, cut out a circular slice about two inches wide. Ideally it will be as big around as possible, but will come from slightly off to the side of dead center. This is going to be the base, so make sure it’s nice and level. Watermelon actually trims really easily, just run a sharp knife flat along the surface until it’s evened out.

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Next, cut a very thick slice from the center (that is, from the larger of the two halves you are now working with.) It should be at least 4 inches wide. If you’re using multiple smaller watermelons, this will have to come from the second watermelon. Run a knife vertically around the edge to cut the rind off, and pop the center out.

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It’ll probably come out angular and a little ragged, but again, a sharp knife will carve off any rough edges with the barest of touches.

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Stack your extra tall layer on top of your base, and then repeat the whole process with another smaller section from closer to the end of your watermelon. Go ahead and pry out any seeds that are close to the surface for a little added polish. Speaking of seeds: in a really large watermelon, the seeds may be quite abundant in the middle, and the smaller your rounded layers get, the more “middle” will be showing. I have, on occasion, gotten one of the personal watermelons just for the upper layers, because the middle of my gigantic watermelon looked like a pock-marked war zone.

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As you get close to the end of your watermelon, you may find it’s easier to cut the rind off in sections and sculpt from there, rather than try to cut straight down in a small circle.

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Lay out thin banana slices around the base, and use toothpicks to decorate with whatever small fruits you like on the upper layers. I will warn you, however, that no matter how much you may love strawberries, they just will not look good next to the red watermelon. Trust me, don’t go with the strawberries.

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Now for the best part. Pineapple stars! If you’re extra lucky, starfruit will be in season, and you can just cross-cut a couple of those and be done with it. But us plebians can make do with a pineapple. First, hack off the ends of that beast, and cut the peel down from the sides.

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Don’t worry if you leave a few bits from the rind around the edges. Next, slice your giant cylinder into rounds about a centimeter thick.

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Mark out your star shape with toothpicks to make sure it’s nice and symmetrical before you start cutting. It’s easiest if you do it in two parts: first arrange five toothpicks in an even pentagon surrounding the core, and then add the five outer points to make a triangle coming off each side of the pentagon. Slice off the bits in between and you’re left with a perfect star. Lather, rinse, repeat.

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Attach them to the sides of the cake with a toothpick through the middle, just like you did for the smaller fruits. Then it’s time to sit back and let all the other parents marvel at how creative, and fun, and healthy your kid’s birthday cake is. In fact, you don’t even have to tell them it’s because he’s on a special diet if you don’t want to, because this really is better than birthday cake.

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Happy Eating!

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