This isn’t exactly a complicated recipe, but you know what? Before I was dragged kicking and screaming into Susie Homemaker land, I had never made french toast before, and I have to assume there are others of you out there who never have yet either. And you should! Because it really is a great way to make an otherwise questionable loaf of gluten-free bread into something enjoyable by all. And if you actually start with a good loaf of GF bread, so much the better!

First, blend together 3 eggs and 1/2 cup of almond milk in a dish with relatively tallish sides.

Next, mix in 1 teaspoon of cinnamon. Some people like to add sugar as well, but I don’t think it’s necessary. Many milk substitutes are already sweetened anyway, and I honestly have never seen the need to turn breakfast into dessert. Eating sugar all the time is part of what’s turned the average Western diet into the atrocity that it is.

Some people actually like to keep the cinnamon separate and demurely sprinkle it on each bread slice after it has been dipped in the egg mixture. Me, I’m not a fan of additional steps, but it’s not like this whole thing takes many steps to begin with, so do whatever you feel up to.

Just a couple of minutes per side in a greased pan on the stove, and you’re good to go! The problem, of course, is that they’ll be able to eat them just about as fast as you can make them, so make sure you cordon off a few slices as sacrosanct for the chef.

Eat them standing up if you have to, but make sure you get some. And here’s another tip: if you forego the syrup and spread jelly on it instead, you can make a decadent gluten-free sandwich that can make it until midday in a lunchbox without fear of drying out or crumbling.

Happy Eating!

French Toast

3 eggs
1/2 cup almond milk
1 teaspoon cinnamon
8-10 slices gluten-free bread

Wait, that doesn’t sound right — I mean for one thing, I don’t even get minimum wage.

Fortunately, I already had everything I needed to throw together some steak sandwiches, GFCF Lady style. You probably do, too. It really doesn’t require much. I started with one onion, cut into long strips and sauteed to extremes in a little oil. To get the onion fully soft and caramelized without burning, it helps to put a lid on the pan to trap in the moisture and cook it from all sides. I let the onion cook the whole time I was making everything else, so probably about 20 minutes in total.

Next, a steak marinated in Lea & Perrins worcestershire sauce. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!] I just laid it on a rack and tossed it under the broiler in my oven for about 6-8 minutes per side. (I’m morally opposed to using an outdoor grill when it’s still above 100 degrees after sunset, you know. But if you don’t live in a state adjacent to Hades itself, you might choose to see things differently. I’m also morally opposed to cleaning greasy pans, which is why I always line mine with foil.)

Meanwhile, I whipped up a tasty little sandwich spread by combining 2 Tablespoons of gluten-free mayonnaise (try Hellman’s if you’re looking for a national brand) and 2 teaspoons of worcestershire. The GFCF Husband likes to call this “flavornaise,” and I like to ignore him.

Thin slices of steak, thin slices of onion, thin slices of tomato, all on a sandwich-spreaded gluten-free bun. Oh my god y’all, it was so good.

But here’s a tip: do not, I repeat, do not put this on a round hamburger bun like I did. Use GF hot dog buns instead. There’s a reason this kind of sandwich typically gets put on a long roll, and for once the children weren’t the only ones making humongous messes on their plates. We gave up and got out forks within the first 3 bites. But man, I totally didn’t care.

Happy Eating!

Steak Sandwiches

1 onion
1-2 lb. steak
1 tomato
2 Tbs Hellman’s mayonnaise
2 tsp Lea & Perrins worcestershire
2-4 Kinnikinnick hot dog buns

I vote yes!

Before I started all this dang cooking so many years ago, I didn’t even know they made ground chicken. I mean, of course I knew they could, just like you could put a shoe in the meat grinder if that’s what you felt like grinding up that day. But oh, my eyes were opened. A chicken sandwich does not, in fact, have to come breaded and fried from a skeezy drive thru.

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The “Southwest” part of this recipe should be readily apparent here. But don’t be afraid, they’re not spicy. (Well, the mild ones aren’t, at least.) Toss in 2 Tablespoons with the same reckless abandon you would use with any other seasoning. In fact, I have it on good authority that reckless abandon itself is an excellent flavor enhancer.

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Also add in 3/4 teaspoon of chili powder…

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And 1/4 teaspoon each of salt and pepper.

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Smoosh it all together until it’s well-blended, and form 4 patties out of it. The mixture will be a little wetter than you are used to, and will distinctly need to be plopped into the pan rather than laid there. If you need to, just make them meatballs with your hands and then squash them flat in the pan.

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While they are cooking (about 6-7 minutes per side,) heat up your gluten-free buns. My store was out of our regular ones, so I ended up with this O’Doughs brand. They were okay. A little on the dense side for my tastes, but not crumbly or dry at all, which is good. For those of you who find the Kinnikinnick buns to be too lightweight and chewy, these may be a better fit for you. And of course, these have the added benefit of having actual sesame seeds on them, if appearance is an issue you have to consider.

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I really like using chipotle mayo with these, but you could do normal hamburger condiments as well.

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And, of course, an avocado rounds out the Southwestern theme. I adore avocado. If you are one of those people who doesn’t like them, well, we can still be friends — but it’s a little like insulting one of my children.

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Speaking of my children, no, they do not eat sprouts on their chicken sandwiches. But I do! These are radish sprouts, which are just the tiniest bit zesty. Horseradishy, if you will.

Please pay no attention to the fact that my burger has been constructed upside down. Obviously I wasn’t.

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Happy Eating!

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The GFCF Lady’s Southwest Chicken Burgers

1 lb ground chicken
2 TBS diced green chiles
3/4 tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper

GF hamburger buns
chipotle mayo
avocado
sprouts

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We start by hardboiling three eggs. (They should spend 15 minutes at a full rolling boil, if you don’t happen to keep egg timing tables in a readily accessible part of your brain.)

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Peel the eggs and slice them in half, then gently pop out the yolks. They’re not part of this recipe, so you can toss them, or mix in some mayo for a sandwich spread, or even sprinkle on a little salt and snack on them while you’re cooking. That’s what I always end up doing. I’m sure my arteries are so grateful to me.

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Meanwhile, cut the whites lengthwise again, then cross-cut into thirds. Or whatever, just get them bite-sized.

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Slice and dice about half a cucumber.

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And do the same with two roma tomatoes.

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Now, the critical question: what dressing to use? Generally speaking, we’re going for an Italian flavor here. (Notice how the salad is a lovely red, white, and green? That’s no accident, my friend.) There are a lot of GFCF Italian dressings out there, but then again, there are a lot that aren’t. Personally, I’m in love with Brianna’s New American dressing, which is basically a thick balsamic vinaigrette. It’s darn tasty, whatever national heritage it wants to claim. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Drizzle with impunity, toss lightly, and dig in! Another option is to substitute tofu for the egg whites, if you happen to be vegan, or just like the taste of tofu. I don’t fall into either category, but I promise I won’t judge. Well, not very harshly, at any rate.

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Happy Eating!

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The GFCF Lady’s Cucumber Tomato Salad

3 hardboiled eggs
1/2 cucumber
2 roma tomatoes
3-4 Tbs Brianna’s New American dressing

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Okay, it’s not quite so simple right at the very beginning, I admit. There’s a fair number of ingredients in the sauce. But it’s extremely simple once the sauce is put together, and the thing is, this sauce will last in the fridge for up to a month or more, so you could make a big batch and have it handy in a jar for those nights when you’re in borderline-collapsing mode.

We start with a veritable Who’s Who lineup of Asian sauce ingredients: 1 1/2 Tablespoons of rice vinegar, 1/4 cup sesame oil, 3 Tablespoons soy sauce (or a reasonable substitute,) and 2 cloves of minced garlic.

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This is a case where an immersion blender will definitely come in handy, but you can get away with doing it in a traditional blender if that’s all you have. After assembling the first set of liquid ingredients, add some crushed red pepper flakes, depending on your spice tolerance. 1/4 teaspoon is a good average place to start, noticeable in flavor but not too hot. My tastebuds have been dulled by years of Mexican food, so I put in 3/4 tsp for a real kick. But to balance it out, we’ll also add 1 teaspoon of sugar, and 1/3 cup of water.

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Lastly, dump in 1/2 cup of dry-roasted, unsalted cashews. Raw cashews will work too, just make sure you don’t get any that are “honey-roasted” or otherwise coated in junk.

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The cashews are the reason you’d rather use the immersion blender here, because it’s going to get all those tiny nut pieces nice and smooth. Ultimately, we’re going to add some more whole cashews to the meal, so a little graininess shouldn’t be too distracting, but another alternative is to use about 1/3 cup prepared cashew butter instead of the whole cashews.

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Once you’re done blending, your sauce is ready for the plate or the mason jar, whichever you prefer. I vote plate, because I’m not very good at delayed gratification. These here are some Schar gluten-free noodles. They’re made with a mixture of corn and rice flours, so they’re a little starchier and firmer to chew than straight-up rice noodles, which is nice.

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The drawback is, like most blended-flour GF noodles, they release a ton of that starch into the cooking water, so you may find you have to drain, rinse, and refill the pot halfway through the cooking process. But it doesn’t add more than 2-3 minutes to the cooking process.

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While your pasta is boiling, finely chop 1 1/2 cups of fresh cilantro, also known as coriander.

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Mix the cilantro and the cashew sesame sauce into your drained noodles, and stir gently.

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And finally, garnish with another 1/2 cup or so of cashews for crunch. This simple little noodle dish may look light and unassuming, but it is surprisingly filling, and makes great leftovers too, either cold or hot. If you’ve never sent real leftovers in your child’s lunchbox, this might be just the meal to start with.

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Happy Eating!

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Cashew Sesame Noodles

1 1/2 TBS rice vinegar
1/4 cup Asian sesame oil
3 TBS soy sauce
2 cloves garlic
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
1 tsp sugar
1/3 cup water
1/2 cup + 1/2 cup dry roasted cashews
12 oz. GF spaghetti noodles
1 1/2 cups chopped cilantro

Well that sort of grandma mystique is a really silly barrier to modern cooking. If it was good enough for your Nana, it’s good enough for us! She’d be proud to see you feeding your children with the same kind of simple love that she gave to you.

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And that word “simple” is key: egg salad is beyond simple, the way all the best recipes are. First, boil 8 eggs for 15 minutes at a rolling boil. (That means you don’t start the timer until the bubbles are fast and furious, not when that first tiny bubble emissary first drifts up from the bottom of the pot.) I don’t have a picture of my pot here because the truth is I boiled my eggs days ago. They were on the cusp of going bad so I went ahead and cooked them to give them a new lease on life. Just make sure you write a big H on the shell so you know which ones you did.

Peel the cooked eggs and dice them up with an egg slicer. This ingenious little tool is something that no kitchen should ever be without. Just slide the wires through in one direction, then lift and rotate the egg a quarter turn so you can go the other direction. You can do mushrooms with it too!

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Add 3 Tablespoons of Hellman’s mayonnaise to your bowl of egg bits. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!] I don’t know why, but it always tickles my funny bone to remember that mayonnaise is mostly made with egg whites, so this is really eggs mixed with more eggs here. I know, I have a strange sense of humor.

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Also add 1 Tablespoon of French’s yellow mustard. Go all gourmet with a gluten-free brown mustard if you’d prefer, but I think Nana might disapprove.

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What’s going to happen as you mix everything together is the yolks of the eggs will disintegrate and become part of the sauce, while the whites stay nice and firm. Using a fork will help speed the process along.

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Toast up some gluten-free bread, slap on a few pieces of lettuce, and you’re done! I got lazy over the summer and started buying prebaked loaves of GF bread a lot, though I’m trying to get back into doing more baking at home to save money. But if you’re curious, this is Food For Life millet bread. It has earned the approval of even non-GF eaters, though it’s important to note that it must be toasted before it can clear the bar. Of course it’s all just a delivery vehicle for this classic, comforting, perfectly grandmotherly egg salad, so you might not even notice the bread anyway.

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Happy Eating!

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Egg Salad

8 eggs, hardboiled
3 TBS Hellman’s mayonnaise
1 TBS French’s yellow mustard

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We start with, of course, onions. I prefer yellow, but you could make this with white onions as well. I chose to use four of them because a couple of mine were on the small side; three large ones would work fine too.

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Slice them thinly (or slightly less thin if you’re lazy like me,) with maybe one cut across the middle so you don’t end up with any hugely long strands. It ain’t French onion spaghetti.

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Now we’re going to throw them all in the bottom of a large soup pot, and add 1/4 cup grapeseed oil (or whatever quality cooking oil you prefer, grapeseed just happens to be extremely mild in flavor.)

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Sprinkle in 1 teaspoon of sugar, and sautee them slowly until they’re very well done, at least 15 minutes. You want those suckers to be deep golden and as translucent as possible. Don’t be afraid to add a little more oil if necessary.

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When they’re ready, gently mix in 1 Tablespoon of tapioca starch and stir it around until it’s nice and pasty, thoroughly blended with the pan juices. I know the bag says “flour” in a bigger font than “starch,” but trust me, no one ever calls it tapioca flour. It functions the same as corn starch and potato starch, so that’s what we call it.

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Measure out 2 1/2 cups of Pacific Foods beef broth. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!] Pour this into the soup pot, along with another 2 1/2 cups of water.

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While it’s true that “do as I say, not as I do” is not the most effective parenting technique, it’s not such a bad thing for cooking blogs. I have to admit that I cut a corner here, and it turned out to be a big mistake. But I make this soup rather infrequently, so I figured I’d just own up and tell you the right way to do it, rather than wait until I got around to making it again. What you want to be pouring into your pot right now is 1/2 cup of dark red wine. I used this rosé wine bottle that I happened to already have open (hey, at least it was a French wine!) and like I said, it didn’t work. This soup really needs the rich depth of a merlot or at least a pinot noir.

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See? It doesn’t even look like French onion soup, it’s so light. It’s just non-ethnic onion soup, I guess. But I know you will not be so reckless with your ingredients as I, and your soup will look and taste like mine normally does, which is to say delicious. Bring it to a boil and continue simmering for 10-15 minutes. Aside from maturing the flavors, this is what will boil off your alcohol content, by the way, making it fit for child consumption.

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Toast a slice of gluten-free bread, and you can even do that little floaty crust thing the French folks like to do. You could sprinkle a little Daiya on top too, if you need the full experience, but I like it just like this.

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Happy Eating!

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French Onion Soup

3-4 onions
1/4 cup grapeseed oil
1 tsp sugar
1 tablespoon tapioca starch 
2 1/2 cups Pacific Foods beef broth
2 1/2 cups water
1/2 cup red wine

Of course, I eventually learned the error of my ways, under identical circumstances each time: I got invited on a date that involved said international cuisine, and I decided I liked the guy enough to suffer silently through a meal of torture. Come to find out, in both cases the food was much better than the gentleman after all! But that’s another story.

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The point is, I defected to the other side, and became a staunch sushi advocate. And it turns out, sushi rolls are surprisingly easy to make at home. First, of course, you’re going to want to start a batch of sushi rice (minus the wakame, in this case.) While that cooks, prepare your other ingredients for assembly. I’m making a modified California roll, so we’ll need a cucumber, peeled and cut into long thin slices.

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Make sure you cut the seeds off of each section, because nobody likes cucumber seeds.

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Also, we’ll need a bunch of avocado slices. (See this post if you need a rundown on how to properly cut up an avocado.)

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Now, traditionally, California rolls use “krab,” a substance that makes both foodies and English teachers cringe in unison. Those brightly-colored, perfectly straight sticks are not in fact made of crab at all, and more importantly, they are made of gluten. If you’re lucky enough to have a kid who will eat sushi, you must remember that all crab on a sushi restaurant menu is probably going to be the fake kind, even if they spell it like the real thing. But if you look in the right place in your grocery store, you will probably be able to find real, actual crab meat, and that’s something we can use.

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This is a sheet of nori, or seaweed paper. You can find it at an Asian market if your grocery store doesn’t carry any, but check your ethnic foods aisle first, you might be surprised. It has a shiny side and a bumpy side, and the shiny side goes face down.

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Spread out a layer of your sushi rice on top of the nori, leaving only a small space around the edge. The rice will be very sticky, so it’s easiest to do this with the back of a wet fork. You can also tell that I was too impatient and started spreading the rice on while it was still hot, thus partially steaming and shriveling my seaweed paper. Try to let it cool as much as you can. Then, line up your inner ingredients along the bottom edge.

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The bamboo mat is an essential piece of equipment for this, by the way. If you try it barehanded, your fingers are guaranteed to stick to everything and tear the delicate paper to pieces. Also, the proper technique would be to use both hands to make sure you’re rolling it as tightly and evenly as possible, but a photography assistant is just a teensy smidge out of my price range, so you’ll have to bear with me. (Truth be told, if I were filthy rich I’d hire a real sushi chef instead and still take the pictures myself.)

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As you inch forward, squeezing the roll tightly the whole way, peel the mat away from the front edge so it doesn’t actually get wrapped into the roll. I wouldn’t normally be doing this with one awkwardly stretched index finger, but again with the one-handed photography thing. Incidentally, there’s this pervasive idea on the internet that you should put a layer of plastic wrap on top of your bamboo mat to keep it clean. I’m here to tell you that’s ridiculous, and it just gets in the way. Use the bamboo mat the same way the Japanese have been using it for thousands of years, and wash it when you’re done; it’s not that hard.

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Slice your roll with a very sharp, wet knife, and voila! (Sorry for the linguistic insensitivity, but I don’t know how the Japanese would say it.) You should get 3-4 rolls out of this quantity of rice, depending on how full you stuff them with other things. I ended up with a little bit of cucumber and a ton of crab leftover, but I’m sure I can find a use for the crab later in the week. And if we’re lucky, it’ll turn out to be something worth documenting and I’ll share it with you!

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Happy Eating!

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Sushi Rolls

1 batch of sushi rice
1 cucumber
1 avocado
1/2 cup 100% crab meat (not krab stick)
3-4 sheets of nori

What you are seeing here is no less than a revolution in cheese substitutes. Joining the ranks of coconut milk, and coconut yogurt, there is a new product available that could rightly be called coconut cheese. But really, they’d prefer you call it Daiya. This product has been around for awhile — there’s a restaurant near me that’s been serving it for at least a year now — but Whole Foods and other consumer outlets have just recently begun carrying it on the shelves. If yours doesn’t have it, see if they’ll special order it for you. This stuff blows all the other fake cheeses out of the water, and I say that as someone who has roundly condemned cheese substitutes from day one.

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Anyway, enough about cheese, we’re making pizzas here. You could bake your own GFCF crust, but then this wouldn’t be a no-bake pizza, would it? What I’m doing here is placing a layer of Daiya cheese shreds between two Food For Life brown rice tortillas. The end result will be moist, yet crispy — the perfect New York style thin crust. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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This is Muir Glen organic tomato sauce. There are indeed some tomato sauces that contain gluten, so make sure you can identify every ingredient listed if you choose another brand. Stay away from “natural flavors,” unidentified “seasonings,” or any other nonsense like that. Also note the proper way to spread the sauce over the crust: with the back of a spoon in an outwardly expanding spiral. My very first job as a teenager was at a Domino’s Pizza, and the gigantic flat ladle they use for this purpose is officially named a “spoodle.” Seriously.

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Add whatever toppings float your boat, but do be aware that pepperoni, Canadian bacon, or any other kind of processed meat is likely to contain gluten.

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Applegate Farms does make a official pepperoni, but I ended up using this package of salami instead. Technically, pepperoni is a type of salami to begin with anyway. The word’s not even Italian. If you went to Italy you’d have to order “spicy salami” instead, or they’d just stare at you funny.

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Pop it in the oven for about 10-15 minutes at 425, until the cheese is nice and melty. And boy, does it ever melt. I couldn’t get a good shot of it, but when you lift your first slice, you’ll see those stretchy strings just like real cheese. I am truly awed at what the Daiya people have accomplished here. But even if you go for another brand of fake cheese, or a completely different thing like grated polenta, this pizza crust is super-fast and sure to please.

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Happy Eating!

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No-Bake Pizza

2 Food For Life brown rice tortillas
1 package Daiya cheese substitute
1/4 cup Muir Glen tomato sauce
Applegate Farms pepperoni
Other toppings as desired

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Of course my version is GFCF. (That’s kind of my thing. Did you know that? Sorry if it was too subtle.) So we start with a package of Applegate Farms hot dogs. They also make a decent turkey hot dog if you happen to prefer that.

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Slice the hot dog into bite-sized chunks, and jab half-sticks of uncooked gluten-free spaghetti into each piece. I’m actually using this cool new King Soba pasta my store started carrying, made out of sweet potato and buckwheat. Now before you go into palpitations, remember that buckwheat is not actually wheat. It’s a completely different plant, contains no gluten, and is one of the better GF flours to work with, in my opinion. It just has a stupidly inaccurate name, that’s all.

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Speaking of inaccurate, octopuses might not be the best name for these, since most of them end up having more than eight legs. You can call them jellyfish if your anal-retentive kid is gonna call you on it. When they’re still uncooked like this, I actally think they look like little Sputniks (which makes sense, because they’re Russian, remember?)

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Toss them into boiling water and cook according to your pasta’s package directions.

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And voila, we have noodly appendages! Do I think it looks appetizing myself? Well no, not really. But I don’t have a Y chromosome. Little boys think this stuff is hysterical, and they eat it right up. Literally.

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Happy Eating!

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