Now for one of my many dirty little secrets: I love the kind of cranberry sauce that comes in a can. Always have. It is more like cranberry jello than cranberry sauce… which is awesome. But the new me couldn’t accept all the chemicals that typically go into that sort of thing. Strictly speaking, you can easily make the canned version just by making this jello recipe with bottled cranberry juice. But I’ve come up with this half-breed jellied cranberry sauce that I really like, so I’m going to show you how to make that here. I guess we’ll find out if I’m the only one who likes it! First, we have to make some traditional cranberry sauce, so start with a ten-ounce package of frozen cranberries, and dump 1 full cup of sugar on top.

Add 1 cup of water, and stir it all around. Another option is to use one cup of orange juice instead, which is a great flavor if you’re going the traditional route, but it does change the texture quite a bit if you go on to make my mock-can preparation, so you have to decide in advance which one you’re going to make.

Boil for about 10 minutes, until the skins of the cranberries begin to pop.

As it cools, it will thicken and goo-ify. Bet you won’t find that term in the Joy of Cooking glossary. Now, you can be a curmudgeonly coward and stop here, serving up a perfectly traditional but classy cranberry sauce. Or you can be a wild, modern trend-setter, and read on for something completely different.

First, make your sauce smooth in a blender or food processor.

There are probably still going to be some small bits, which I suppose you could try to strain out if you really wanted. Then, pour your puree into a large bowl.

Sprinkle one packet of Knox gelatin over the entire surface.

Pour in one cup of boiling water…

…and stir quickly to make sure all the gelatin dissolves.

Pour it into whatever container you want it to set in. These round tupperware containers are my homage to the metal can, of which I have precisely zero available in my kitchen.

Let it set in the fridge for several hours, and voila: jellied cranberry sauce! Fair warning, you may have to thwack pretty hard on the bottom of the container to get it to come out like this. But you could also leave it in the container — this stuff is still a bit spreadable, kind of like a very thick jam, which is the way I like it.

And while you’re planning your Thanksgiving table, don’t forget these great recipes:

Thanksgiving Turkey
Deviled Eggs
Sweet Potato and Apple Bake
Mashed Potatoes
Green Bean Casserole
Corn Casserole
Pumpkin Pie

Happy Thanksgiving!

Cranberry Sauce

10-ounce bag frozen cranberries
1 cup sugar
1 cup water (or 1 cup orange juice)

Optional:
1 packet Knox gelatin
1 cup boiling water

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The newer you are to this diet, the luckier you are, because more and more high-quality items are coming out on the market every day. And this one is mind-blowing, there’s just no other description for it. Dairy-free, soy-free, whipping cream, that tastes and feels just like the real thing. For really reals, y’all. It’s called Healthy Top, by a company called MimicCreme.  I don’t know that I’d call it “healthy,” to be honest. It is a processed food, and does contain some thickeners and emulsifiers. But it has no artificial dyes, flavors, or sweeteners, and more importantly it contains not a speck of dairy.

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Seriously, you have to try it to believe it. Add a little more sugar and you could frost cupcakes with this stuff, it’s so thick and creamy. How they made this with cashews and almonds, I’ll never know. Anyway, get one box really cold like the instructions say, whip it up, and put it back in the fridge until you’re ready for it. Or, you know, save this step for last, if you want to be all efficient about it.

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Next, pudding. Crack two eggs into a small pot on the stove.

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Pour in 2 cups of the milk substitute of your choice.

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Add 1/3 cup of sugar…

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…and 1/4 teaspoon of Adam’s Extract vanilla. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!] I use this powdered version, but the Adam’s Extract liquid is also fine. The reason you have to check your vanilla extracts is because they’re suspended in alcohol, which could be malted from barley, which would mean gluten. It’s a complicated world we live in.

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What you have in your pot right now is (or will be soon) vanilla pudding. You now have a critical decision to make. Are you truly going to make banana pudding, or are you going to layer slices of banana with vanilla pudding? Different people like it different ways. I’m pureeing the bananas for real banana pudding, so you can look carefully at the final product and decide if it’s the way you want to go or not, because fresh banana pudding doesn’t quite look like the boxed junk you are used to seeing. So that’s three bananas, blended with just a splash of almond milk to thin it out.

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Here it is, pouring into the pot.

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Cook the pudding just until it starts to boil, stirring frequently. Remove the pot from the heat and allow it to cool, then refrigerate for 20-40 minutes, until it’s set.

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Er… hopefully your fridge has more space than mine.

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But what, you may ask, can you substitute for vanilla wafers? Well, these ladyfinger cookies from Shabtai Gourmet are an excellent facsimile thereof. In general everything they offer is superb. They are a bit on the expensive side, as all gluten-free products tend to be. But for the right occasion, I indulge, because I firmly believe that taking care of myself has to be a priority if I’m going to be in any shape to take care of my kids. Most of their items freeze very well, so you can use the flat-rate shipping and buy in advance. (Unsolicited tip: the Raspberry Roll? Holy cow. Just… dang.)

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You will now start to see why all-natural banana pudding may not be your cup of tea. Real fruit oxidizes, and pureed fruit oxidizes faster than whole fruit, because more of it is exposed to the air. It has not gone bad by any means, but it is going to first get khaki-colored like this, and then almost kind of purply-gray if many hours pass before you eat it. Flavor will be unaffected, but not everyone wants to eat purplish banana pudding. On the other hand, some kids are more affected by texture than color, and won’t appreciate banana slices hiding in their dessert like slimy round ninjas. It’s up to you.

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Layer cookies, pudding, (bananas,) cookies, then whipped cream in a 9 x 13 dish.

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Spread your whipped cream globs into a smooth layer with the back of a spoon. One box makes 4 cups of whipped cream, so it will be a pretty thick layer if you use all of it. You could always make more pudding. And then if you don’t have enough whipped cream to cover the second batch of pudding, you could make more whipped cream, and…

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Happy Eating!

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GFCF Banana Pudding

2 eggs
2 cups almond milk
1/3 cup sugar
1/4 tsp vanilla
3 bananas (plus a splash of almond milk if pureed)
1 box Healthy Top whippable cream
1-2 packages Shabtai lady fingers

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Plus, there’s so much less room for error this way. I mean come on, the crust is only five ingredients! With other recipes you might have to blend five flours before you even start with the other ingredients. But here, all we need is 1 1/2 cups of Honeyville almond flour. This crust recipe comes from The Gluten Free Almond Flour Cookbook, by the way, which is about as accurate a book title as you’re ever going to find.

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Add 1/2 teaspoon of salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of baking soda, and blend it together evenly with a fork.

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Then pour in 1/4 cup grapeseed oil (or whatever cooking/baking oil you prefer,) and 2 Tablespoons of agave nectar, and mix thoroughly. You could also substitute honey for the agave nectar if you like. There is a taste difference, but it’s hard to notice over the abundant pumpkin flavor.

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Mix everything thoroughly, and there’s your pie crust, in crumbly form! Now you just have to press it in place, kind of like you would with a homemade graham cracker crust, if graham crackers weren’t poison in this new universe you’re living in.

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For the sides of the pie pan, I find it helpful to squeeze a small handful tightly in my palm in order to get a little cohesion going before I try to get it to hold a vertical shape. At any rate, just keep molding it around like playdough until it’s all where it’s supposed to be. (Or like Moon Dough, since playdough contains gluten.)

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In theory you’re supposed to pre-bake this basic crust recipe for 7-10 minutes at 350 degrees, but a pumpkin pie has to cook so long already that I find it isn’t necessary here, and may even result in overcooking your crust. So pre-bake at your own risk. At any rate, it’s time to start making the filling. Start with three eggs in a large bowl.

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Add one 15-ounce can of pumpkin, being sure to chose one that’s plain and not a “pumpkin pie mix” or anything of that nature.

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Mix in 3/4 cup of sugar…

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1 teaspoon of ground ginger, and 1 teaspoon of cinnamon…

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3/4 teaspoon nutmeg, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and just a pinch of ground cloves. Please be very careful if you’re going to attempt to use a pre-blended spice mix, because they will often have flour mixed in to prevent clumping.

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Now pour in 1 1/3 cups of coconut milk. I’m using this random can I got at the Asian market, but Thai Kitchen is a good national brand. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Pour the filling into the waiting pie crust. You’ll want to leave the standard half-inch ledge of crust around the top, which may mean you end up with a little extra in the bowl.

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When that happens, I just whip out a mini muffin tin and fill a handful of paper cups with the remaining pie filling. The pie is already going to be cooking, so you can just slide it right underneath in the oven. Think of these little crustless pumpkin pie tarts as your snacking reward for doing all this baking.

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Bake your pie at 375 degrees for 35 to 40 minutes, until the middle is just set. Let it cool for another 15-20 minutes, and you’re ready to triumphantly serve your GFCF masterpiece to the whole family. Along with, of course, your turkey with gravy, mashed potatoes, corn casserole, green bean casserole, and sweet potatoes. Oh, and don’t forget your deviled eggs and spiced walnut appetizers, either. Gosh, that all sounds so good, can I come over to your house?

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Happy Thanksgiving!

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GFCF Pumpkin Pie

1 1/2 cups almond flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 cup grapeseed oil
2 TBS agave nectar (or honey)

3 eggs
1 15-ounce can pumpkin
3/4 cup sugar
1 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp cinnamon
3/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp salt
pinch ground cloves
1 1/3 cups coconut milk

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Start with about a pound and a half of fresh green beans (or go with a bag of pre-cut frozen ones, I’ll never judge,) and boil them with a Tablespoon of salt for 10-15 minutes, until they’re tender. It’s important to salt the water because we won’t be using a canned cream of mushroom soup, so we have to replace at least some of that sodium content your tastebuds will be expecting.

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Meanwhile, take a 10 ounce package of sliced mushrooms, and slice them some more so the pieces are pretty small.

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Pour some oil in a very large pan, and begin sauteeing your diced mushrooms along with 3 cloves of minced garlic.

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Also add 1 Tablespoon of dried chopped onions. You can find this stuff in the seasoning aisle if you’ve never seen it before, or for that matter you could just use onion powder instead.

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While the mushrooms are softening up (and don’t forget those green beans still cooking in the pot,) scoop out 2 Tablespoons of potato starch into a small cup. You could also use cornstarch if you prefer, but either way make sure you choose a brand that’s pure, not mixed with any other substances.

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Mix in one Tablespoon of dry cooking sherry…

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…and 3/4 cup gluten-free chicken broth. Pacific Foods is one good option. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Stir it up with a fork until the potato starch is completely dissolved, then pour it into your mushroom pan.

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It should thicken right up within a minute or two.

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Once it does, add 3/4 cup of almond milk, and stir well.

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And that right there is dairy-free cream of mushroom soup! You could of course make that little mixture on a larger scale and serve it in bowls, if that strikes your fancy. But today, it’s getting a bunch of drained green beans dumped in instead.

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Also add in 1/2 teaspoon of pepper, and 2 teaspoons of salt.

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Pack it all into a 9 x 9 baking dish, and sprinkle flat-slivered almonds over the top. Classy and traditional. Bake it uncovered for 20 minutes at 350 degrees, and those almonds will become toasted and crispy: the perfect topping to the perfect side dish.

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Happy Eating!

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Green Bean Casserole

1 1/2 lbs. green beans
1 TBS salt
10 oz. mushrooms
3 cloves minced garlic
1 TBS dried chopped onions (or onion powder)
2 TBS potato starch
1 TBS dry sherry
3/4 cup GF chicken broth
3/4 cup almond milk
1/2 tsp pepper
2 tsp salt
3/4 cup flat-slivered almonds

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But I’m getting ahead of myself. The important thing about real baked beans is you have to plan ahead, because they have to soak overnight the day before. In theory there are some quick-cook methods out there that call for partially boiling the beans as a sort of speed soak, but to me that actually ends up being more work, because I have to monitor a boiling pot for an hour or two during the day instead of just dumping the beans in a pitcher and going to bed.

Either way though, first measure out 2 cups of navy beans, and give them a quick sort, picking out any rocks or broken beans. I just transfer them one handful at a time from the bowl into the pitcher, checking as I go.

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Here’s the junk I pulled out. It’s not a lot, but you will notice it does include a couple of little black rocks. Trust me, you do not want to bite into one of those, and they are likely to be found in even the highest-quality bean packages. Always pick over your beans even if it seems like a tedious task; your molars will thank you.

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Now we fill the pitcher with water. These beans are going to absorb a ton, so make sure you fill it almost to the top even if it looks like overkill for such a small pile of beans. Leave it on the counter (or in the fridge if that makes you more comfortable,) and have sweet dreams!

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Check it out, they’ve doubled in size!

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You’ll need about 1/2 pound of bacon for this, or 8 ounces, which is usually less than a full package. But since it’s morning now, you can just peel off a couple of strips and cook them up for breakfast while you chop up the rest. Remember to use gluten-free bacon — the one I use most often is Hormel Natural Choice, but there are plenty of fancy organic brands that are safe as well. Also, dice up an onion, and be sure to forget to take a photo of it just like I did.

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Using a slotted spoon, remove the beans from the pitcher and layer them with the bacon and onion in a crock pot. It’s not strictly necessary to layer them, but the bacon and onion are going to tend to float at first, so it helps to use the weight of the beans to keep them mixed down in there while it’s cooking. Make sure you don’t throw out that leftover bean water in the pitcher, because we’re going to use it in a minute.

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Now we’re going to make a fabulous sauce for our beans. If you want to be totally lazy, you can just buy a bottled GFCF barbecue sauce and use about 1 cup of that instead. But this homemade sauce is pretty easy to make, and believe me, the flavor’s worth it. Just mix together 1/2 cup Heinz ketchup, 1 Tablespoon Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce, and 3 Tablespoons of 100% pure maple syrup in a small saucepan. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change their formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Add 1/2 cup of brown sugar, 1/4 teaspoon black pepper…

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2 teaspoons of salt, and 1/4 teaspoon McCormick ground mustard. Ground mustard is one of those spices that is often mixed with flour to help it pour better (instead of clumping like you see my flour-free spice doing here,) so watch your brands.

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Heat everything just until the sugar is fully dissolved, then pour your sauce directly into your crock pot and stir to get it all nice and coated.

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Now pour in enough bean liquid from your pitcher to completely cover the beans. Add fresh water if you don’t have enough, or just use fresh water entirely if you don’t like the idea of using something called “bean liquid.” Put the lid on, and cook it on HIGH for 10 hours.

If you’re going to be at work all day, you’ll want to put in an extra 2 inches of water, or if you’re going to be home, just check on it every few hours and add water as needed to keep the beans covered.

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You can take the lid off for the last hour or so of cooking to help the sauce thicken if needed. But be careful, the aroma might tempt you to start eating them straight out of the pot. You wouldn’t want to burn your mouth.

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Happy Eating!

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The GFCF Lady’s Baked Beans

2 cups dried navy beans
1/2 pound Hormel Natural Choice bacon
1 onion
1/2 cup Heinz ketchup
1 TBS Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire
3 TBS 100% maple syrup
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 tsp pepper
2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp McCormick ground mustard

But with the return of school comes the return of social events, and parties and extracurriculars can of course be a nightmare for a GFCF parent. Our school has actually put in a complete no-food policy for all class parties, thanks to skyrocketing food allergies, but there are still plenty of other opportunities for disaster. The short answer is always, you bring your own. These days you will very likely find that you are not the only parent having to do so.

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But really, who in their right mind would whip up a whole batch of cupcakes every time you have a birthday party to go to? If you find a parent with that kind of time on their hands, send them over to my house; I’ve got some chores they can do. No, the trick is to make one batch, and cleverly dole them out one at a time as necessary. First, we start with 2 cups of almond flour, and 1/4 cup of tapioca starch.

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(Note that tapioca flour and tapioca starch are the same thing, while potato flour and potato starch are not the same thing. Just another one of those illogical facts you’ve got to memorize.) Now add 1/2 teaspoon of salt, and 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda, and blend together evenly.

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In another bowl, mix your wet ingredients. First, 1/4 cup of grapeseed oil.

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Next, 1/2 cup of agave nectar. You can also use honey instead if you don’t have agave nectar available at your health food store, and you don’t want to order it online.

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And finally, 1/3 cup of unsweetened plain applesauce.

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Pour the wet ingredients into the dry, and mix everything into a sticky batter.

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Glop spoonfuls of the batter into muffin cups, leaving each one about 2/3 full. No need to smooth out the tops, the bumps will melt out in the oven. I’m not sure where I found these cupcake papers that have an outer foil wrapper so they will stand up on their own, but they’re kind of handy if your muffin tin is dirty, or already filled with batter.

Bake your cupcakes at 350 degrees for about 20 minutes, until the tops are golden. Make sure to let them cool completely before trying to pull them out of the muffin tin. Then put them in a Ziplock bag in the freezer for future use. You’ll probably want to taste-test one, though. Or three.

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Fast-forward several weeks or months, when your beloved offspring has been invited to celebrate the longevity of someone else’s beloved offspring. Pull one frozen cupcake out of the freezer, and while it’s thawing (or very gently microwaving up to room temperature, if you’re running behind schedule,) mix up a single serving of icing.

That’s 2 Tablespoons of powdered sugar, 1/2 Tablespoon of grapeseed oil, and 1/4 teaspoon of almond milk. You may notice that this is basically just our standard buttercream frosting recipe, scaled way down. Math is your friend! Granted, the one thing that won’t scale down well from the original recipe is the vanilla. If you’ve got an eyedropper available, feel free to put 6 and 1/4 drops of McCormick vanilla extract in as well. But honestly, it’s gonna taste just fine even if you skip it.

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As you whip everything vigorously with a fork, you will likely end up with this kind of mealy-textured mess. Now is the time to add tiny, tiny smidges of almond milk until you achieve a smooth texture. It shouldn’t be more than 1/4 teaspoon extra. If you go overboard and it gets too runny (or if it was too runny from the start,) sprinkle in more powdered sugar a pinch at a time until it’s right.

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I don’t know what was up with my lighting in this shot, but I promise you my icing was white, not gray. And my cupcake wasn’t burnt to a crisp either. Golden cupcake, white icing, that’s what you should be seeing here. Do not adjust your monitors.

For the record, it is in theory possible to make a full batch of frosting and freeze the cupcakes in an already-decorated state. But there are two potential problems with this approach. One, you will have to freeze them standing upright in a single layer rather than crammed in a plastic baggie, and you may or may not have the freezer space for this. And two, you will not be able to warm up the cupcake you need on the day of the party any faster than thawing at room temperature, because any added heat will make the frosting melt and break down.

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Pop it in a little tupperware container, and you’re ready to go! Don’t feel like you have to be limited to the cake portion of the birthday party, either. Just ask the birthday party hostess what she’ll be serving — chances are 99% it’s either pizza, or hamburgers and hot dogs, and you can easily bring along your own version of those for your child as well. Being GFCF doesn’t mean you have to be left out, not even for a moment.

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Happy Partying!

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Almond Flour Cupcakes

2 cups blanched almond flour
1/4 cup tapioca starch
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 cup grapeseed oil
1/2 cup agave nectar (or honey)
1/3 cup plain applesauce

Single Serving of Frosting

2 Tbs powdered sugar
1/2 Tbs grapeseed oil
1/4 tsp almond milk, up to 1/4 tsp more

The subject at hand: birthday cakes. Depending on how far along you are in your GFCF journey, you may already be able to whip up a delectable gluten-free cake that your non-GF guests will love. At the very least, anyone can use one of the many decent GFCF baking mixes out there, and it’s my experience that as long as there’s sugary frosting on top, the kids are not going to pay much attention to what’s underneath anyway.

But what if you’ve got extra allergies to contend with, like eggs, nuts, soy — or all of those and more? Or what if you’re still really brand-new to all this, and you’re just not up for baking yet, but you can’t exactly skip your kid’s birthday? Well I say, don’t let The Man tell you what is or is not a birthday cake!

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This, ladies and gentlemen, isn’t just a birthday cake. It’s Better Than Birthday Cake.

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Start with the biggest watermelon you can possibly find. If the only thing you can get in your area are those little “personal” watermelons, you can still do this, but you’re going to need at least three of them. First, cut out a circular slice about two inches wide. Ideally it will be as big around as possible, but will come from slightly off to the side of dead center. This is going to be the base, so make sure it’s nice and level. Watermelon actually trims really easily, just run a sharp knife flat along the surface until it’s evened out.

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Next, cut a very thick slice from the center (that is, from the larger of the two halves you are now working with.) It should be at least 4 inches wide. If you’re using multiple smaller watermelons, this will have to come from the second watermelon. Run a knife vertically around the edge to cut the rind off, and pop the center out.

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It’ll probably come out angular and a little ragged, but again, a sharp knife will carve off any rough edges with the barest of touches.

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Stack your extra tall layer on top of your base, and then repeat the whole process with another smaller section from closer to the end of your watermelon. Go ahead and pry out any seeds that are close to the surface for a little added polish. Speaking of seeds: in a really large watermelon, the seeds may be quite abundant in the middle, and the smaller your rounded layers get, the more “middle” will be showing. I have, on occasion, gotten one of the personal watermelons just for the upper layers, because the middle of my gigantic watermelon looked like a pock-marked war zone.

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As you get close to the end of your watermelon, you may find it’s easier to cut the rind off in sections and sculpt from there, rather than try to cut straight down in a small circle.

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Lay out thin banana slices around the base, and use toothpicks to decorate with whatever small fruits you like on the upper layers. I will warn you, however, that no matter how much you may love strawberries, they just will not look good next to the red watermelon. Trust me, don’t go with the strawberries.

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Now for the best part. Pineapple stars! If you’re extra lucky, starfruit will be in season, and you can just cross-cut a couple of those and be done with it. But us plebians can make do with a pineapple. First, hack off the ends of that beast, and cut the peel down from the sides.

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Don’t worry if you leave a few bits from the rind around the edges. Next, slice your giant cylinder into rounds about a centimeter thick.

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Mark out your star shape with toothpicks to make sure it’s nice and symmetrical before you start cutting. It’s easiest if you do it in two parts: first arrange five toothpicks in an even pentagon surrounding the core, and then add the five outer points to make a triangle coming off each side of the pentagon. Slice off the bits in between and you’re left with a perfect star. Lather, rinse, repeat.

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Attach them to the sides of the cake with a toothpick through the middle, just like you did for the smaller fruits. Then it’s time to sit back and let all the other parents marvel at how creative, and fun, and healthy your kid’s birthday cake is. In fact, you don’t even have to tell them it’s because he’s on a special diet if you don’t want to, because this really is better than birthday cake.

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Happy Eating!

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The key ingredient here is the rice paper that the spring rolls are wrapped in. My grocery store carries it in the ethnic food aisle, but you may have to go to an Asian market to get it, it just depends. The ingredients should literally be nothing but rice and tapioca starch.

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My shrimp are looking pretty pathetic here, to be honest. They were frozen. They look better by the time they’re cooked, I promise. You’ll want to boil three shrimp for every spring roll you plan to make. They should only need maybe 7-8 minutes to cook, even if you start from frozen.

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The bulk of the spring roll is going to be filled with these tiny white noodles called vermicelli, or cellophane noodles. Often they are made of rice, but sometimes they are made of mung bean, as is the case here. Again, any Asian market will have them.

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Mine come conveniently clumped into single-servings, which will fill two spring rolls each. But if yours are in a big block, just break off what you need. Boil them for about 5-7 minutes, just until the noodles are soft and slippery, then you can turn the heat off and let them hang out in the water while you assemble the spring rolls.

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Fill a huge bowl with warm water. Dip one sheet of rice paper carefully under the water, and hold it there for 30 seconds.

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See? Soggy and floppy! I mean, ah, soft and pliable. Yeah.

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Traditionally, shredded cabbage is the main vegetable of choice in spring rolls. But I’m kind of partial to this random product I found. It’s basically just shredded broccoli stalks. Plus, it’s got this weird carrot-and-broccoli superhero lady on the bag, so that’s something else in its favor. I think. Anyway, just pick something green and slightly crunchy, whatever floats your boat.

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It’s hard to see, but my wet rice paper is laying on the cutting board, and the filling is about two inches from the bottom edge. Lay three shrimp in a line, then top with your shredded cabbage (or broccoli shreds, like me.) I also added some shredded carrots and a thin slice of yellow bell pepper. Really, the fillings are up to you. We’ve filled some with cooked rice and leftover pulled pork before, and it turned out great. Anything you can put in a burrito, you can put in a rice paper wrapper.

That herb I’m topping it off with is cilantro, by the way, also known as coriander. If you hate cilantro (and many people do,) another traditional herb you could substitute is mint.

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By now your noodles will be a tangled mess inside your pot. Take a fork, and twist up a hefty amount like spaghetti, so that the dangling column is about an inch thick. Then just take a pair of kitchen scissors and snip it right off. Instant spring roll size!

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Fold the sides of your rice paper inward…

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Then roll tightly from the bottom upward, making sure the top flap gets a nice wet seal against the rest of the roll. If you let the rolls sit for awhile before serving, the rice paper will have a chance to dry out just a little bit, which will reduce the chances of it tearing. Assuming you can stand to wait that long. These hold up great in lunchboxes, by the way.

And of course, don’t forget the peanut sauce.

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Happy Eating!

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Spring Rolls

8 rice paper rounds
24 small shrimp
shredded cabbage or broccoli
shredded carrots
cilantro
Vermicelli noodles (rice or mung bean)

You’d think boiling the eggs would be a no-brainer, but you’ve got to do it right or they won’t peel cleanly. Start with 18 eggs in a pot of cold water, and turn the heat to high. Once the water reaches a rolling boil (that is, giant bubbles splashing everywhere, not tiny little simmery things,) then start your timer for 15 minutes.

You’re destined to lose a few eggs during the boiling process, like this one that exploded spectacularly underwater right before my eyes. But we can still use the yolk in the filling mixture, and the white can be set aside for taste-testing purposes. I can always find at least a couple that are just not pretty enough to go on the plate, and I have no choice but to eat them right then and there.

Once you’ve drained the pot, set it in the sink and refill it with cold water, then plunge the eggs back in. This will cause the insides to shrink back from the shell, and they will come out nice and smooth when you peel them.

Then cut all those little suckers in half lengthwise…

And drop the yolks into a large mixing bowl. If they’re cooked right, you should be able to just give the egg a little squeeze and it will pop right out.

Mash them up with a fork until you’ve gotten all the large lumps out.

Okay, sure, there can be a few lumps left. We’ll continue to work on those as we add the wet ingredients. First, mix in 3 Tablespoons of French’s yellow mustard. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas at any time. Always check your labels!]

Then add 2 Tablespoons of pickle relish. Most major brands are gluten free, but sadly enough some aren’t, so double check yours. It’s up to you whether you go for sweet or dill relish — generally I would say dill, but this time I’m using a spicy-sweet specialty brand called Wickles. I could eat that stuff with a spoon, I tell you.

Then add 1 Tablespoon of Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce (make sure you use the original flavor, as their lighter “chicken” worcestershire sauce is not dairy-free.)

And 1/4 teaspoon of McCormick’s celery salt.

Finally, add in 2/3 cup of Hellman’s mayonnaise. As a relatively bland ingredient, the mayonnaise’s role is entirely for smoothing out the texture. So to that end, you don’t want to put in too much, or your filling will get runny, and then the only way to fix it will be to boil more eggs and harvest the extra yolks. I personally like to go cautiously and start with 1/2 cup of mayo, and add in more as necessary, but I freely admit that I take my deviled eggs very seriously.

Swipe about a Tablespoon of filling into each egg half with a spoon, smoothing the top a little so it’s at least moderately attractive. If you want to get really fancy, you can scrape the filling into an icing bag and squirt it in all decoratively. But an upside-down spoon’s good enough for me.

Finally, sprinkle the tops with paprika. Such a pretty spice.

And you’re ready to go! This is an especially nice hors d’oeuvre if you’re trying to cook a GFCF holiday meal for extended family members who aren’t used to eating on strange diets, because other than some judicious brand selection on your part, the ingredients are the same as you would find in a traditional recipe. Heck, with the right collection of recipes, your family might even get through the whole meal without realizing it was restricted to begin with.

Happy Eating!

The GFCF Lady’s Deviled Eggs

18 eggs
3 TBS French’s yellow mustard
2 TBS Wickles relish
1 TBS Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire
1/4 tsp McCormick celery salt
2/3 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise

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But first, the turkey. You’re going to want one that’s about 16-18 pounds, and comes with the giblets included. Pull that little package of giblets out of the cavity of the turkey, and set it aside. Then rinse the whole turkey off under the faucet, and pat it dry with paper towels. You will look ridiculous trying to strongarm this huge bird in and out of the sink, so don’t even try not to. Set it in a pan that’s at least an inch deep, and tuck the wings down underneath the legs. Most turkeys will come with this little piece of metal to hold the legs together, but if not, just tie yours together with a bit of string so it’s not flopping bird parts all over the place.

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If you’re not the kind of person who ever buys fresh herbs, now is really the time to give in. You’ll need a handful of both rosemary and sage. Stick one or two sprigs of each into the turkey cavity, and finely chop up the rest. Throw a couple pinches of salt and pepper into the cavity too, for good measure.

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In a small pot, melt 4 Tablespoons of Fleischmann’s Unsalted margarine – not the “Original” (salted) flavor, which has casein. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without notice. Always check your labels!] Other non-dairy butter substitutes you could use are palm shortening, coconut oil, or plain old lard. (Hey, if it was good enough for your great-grandma…) Also mix in 3 Tablespoons each of chopped rosemary and sage, 1 Tablespoon of black pepper, and 4 teaspoons of salt.

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Now here’s the fun part. Take another two Tablespoons of your non-butter, and cut it up into about eight small pieces. Make tiny cuts all over the skin of your turkey, and insert these little knobs underneath.

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Just shove them right in there between the skin and the meat, so they look like a mouse under a rug. Once it goes in the oven they’ll melt and spread out, and you will end up with the most amazingly moist turkey you ever sank your teeth into.

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By now your herb concoction on the stove should be nice and melty, so it’s time to brush it all over the surface of the turkey. Go ahead and use it all, even if it’s dripping down the sides already, because you’ll be basting up from the bottom of the pan later in the cooking process.

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Place your turkey in a 325 degree oven, and let it roast untouched for 1 hour. After that, reach in and baste it every 20-30 minutes or so while it cooks for another 2 hours and 45 minutes. Adjust by 15 minutes in either direction if you have a slightly smaller or slightly larger turkey; in any case it’s done when a meat thermometer jabbed into the thigh reads 180 degrees.

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But don’t walk away from the kitchen just yet! You probably have some other side dishes you want to start working on, yes? You can do that for now, but later, when the turkey has about an hour and a half left to cook, it’s time to get started on the gravy.

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In a large pot, dump in the contents of your giblets bag, along with 5 1/2 cups of gluten-free chicken broth, one onion cut into quarters, and one bay leaf. Bring this to a boil and let it simmer for about an hour. It should hopefully be reduced to about 3 cups of liquid in this time. Strain all the big pieces out and throw them away.

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In a large pan, melt another 6 Tablespoons of dairy-free margarine. Dice up two more onions as finely as you can manage, and start sauteeing them over low heat. About ten minutes in, add 1 Tablespoon each of rosemary and sage, and continue sauteeing until the onions are golden brown and caramelized.

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Sprinkle in 1/3 cup of the gluten-free flour of your choice (I’ll probably be using Bob’s Red Mill All-Purpose, but I may end up trying sorghum flour this time since it’s a little finer-grained. The onion and herbs should overpower any slight flavor your flour might impart, so it shouldn’t really matter what you use.)

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Give the flour about a minute to cook while you stir continuously, and then gradually whisk the turkey stock into the pan with the onions. Remember the turkey stock? Hopefully it’s still sitting back there on your stove, and hasn’t been stolen for a delectable soup by some roving chef. Simmer the gravy pan for a few minutes to thicken it. Add in another teaspoon of rosemary and sage if you’re so inclined.

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Now then! Your kitchen should be smelling amazing at this point, and the turkey should be about ready to come out of the oven. Carefully transfer that behemoth to your serving plate, and make a tent out of foil to keep it warm until it’s time to eat.

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Then carefully, carefully pour the juices from the roasting pan into a large container. A measuring cup would actually be more ideal, but for some reason I used a bowl here. After it’s been sitting for a few minutes, the fat will all rise to the top and you can skim it right off with a spoon and throw it away. Or if you were smart and used a measuring cup, you can just pour the fat off instead. They even make special measuring cups that let you easily pour the good stuff out from under the fat instead.

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While your pan juices are resting and separating, pour 1/2 cup of balsamic vinegar into a small saucepan, and simmer until it’s reduced to 1/4 cup, which should only take 3-4 minutes. And of course, make sure you’re using real 100% balsamic vinegar, and not some weird “balsamic-flavored” vinegar that might contain gluten. The word malt should not be anywhere on the bottle.

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Here comes the tricky part. We’re going to add small amounts of both the turkey juices and the balsamic vinegar to adjust the consistency and flavor, respectively. Start by adding one Tablespoon of the balsamic vinegar, then about 1/4 cup of pan juices.

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It’s very hard to give exact measurements here, because it’s impossible to know if your turkey stock reduced to exactly three cups, or how thick your gravy has gotten while we were cooking this turkey. If you overdo it on the turkey juices, you can always let it simmer a little longer and thicken again. But once the balsamic’s in, it’s in, so you can go even slower than a Tablespoon at a time if you’re not sure it will agree with your palate. I generally stop at 2, personally. But be brave and don’t skip the balsamic vinegar altogether, because it really adds an incredible depth to this amazing gravy. Just keep tasting, and stop when it’s perfect!

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Pour the gravy into some nice boat-like serving container, carve your turkey, and make sure Uncle Wally doesn’t take all the mashed potatoes before everyone else has had a chance. And then be prepared for a lot of lavish thanks, as your family admires your astoundingly awesome Thanksgiving turkey.

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Happy Eating!

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GFCF Thanksgiving Turkey with Balsamic Onion Gravy

For the turkey:
1 16-18 lb. turkey (with giblets)
6 Tbs Fleischmann’s Unsalted Margarine, divided (not Original flavor)
3 Tbs fresh rosemary, plus a whole sprig
3 Tbs fresh sage, plus a whole sprig
1 Tbs black pepper
4 tsp salt

For the gravy:
5 1/2 cups GF chicken broth
giblets from turkey
1 onion, quartered
1 bay leaf
6 Tbs Fleischmann’s Unsalted Margarine
2 onions, diced finely
1 Tbs rosemary
1 Tbs sage
1/3 cup Bob’s All-Purpose GF flour
1/2 cup balsamic vinegar