But with the return of school comes the return of social events, and parties and extracurriculars can of course be a nightmare for a GFCF parent. Our school has actually put in a complete no-food policy for all class parties, thanks to skyrocketing food allergies, but there are still plenty of other opportunities for disaster. The short answer is always, you bring your own. These days you will very likely find that you are not the only parent having to do so.

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But really, who in their right mind would whip up a whole batch of cupcakes every time you have a birthday party to go to? If you find a parent with that kind of time on their hands, send them over to my house; I’ve got some chores they can do. No, the trick is to make one batch, and cleverly dole them out one at a time as necessary. First, we start with 2 cups of almond flour, and 1/4 cup of tapioca starch.

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(Note that tapioca flour and tapioca starch are the same thing, while potato flour and potato starch are not the same thing. Just another one of those illogical facts you’ve got to memorize.) Now add 1/2 teaspoon of salt, and 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda, and blend together evenly.

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In another bowl, mix your wet ingredients. First, 1/4 cup of grapeseed oil.

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Next, 1/2 cup of agave nectar. You can also use honey instead if you don’t have agave nectar available at your health food store, and you don’t want to order it online.

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And finally, 1/3 cup of unsweetened plain applesauce.

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Pour the wet ingredients into the dry, and mix everything into a sticky batter.

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Glop spoonfuls of the batter into muffin cups, leaving each one about 2/3 full. No need to smooth out the tops, the bumps will melt out in the oven. I’m not sure where I found these cupcake papers that have an outer foil wrapper so they will stand up on their own, but they’re kind of handy if your muffin tin is dirty, or already filled with batter.

Bake your cupcakes at 350 degrees for about 20 minutes, until the tops are golden. Make sure to let them cool completely before trying to pull them out of the muffin tin. Then put them in a Ziplock bag in the freezer for future use. You’ll probably want to taste-test one, though. Or three.

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Fast-forward several weeks or months, when your beloved offspring has been invited to celebrate the longevity of someone else’s beloved offspring. Pull one frozen cupcake out of the freezer, and while it’s thawing (or very gently microwaving up to room temperature, if you’re running behind schedule,) mix up a single serving of icing.

That’s 2 Tablespoons of powdered sugar, 1/2 Tablespoon of grapeseed oil, and 1/4 teaspoon of almond milk. You may notice that this is basically just our standard buttercream frosting recipe, scaled way down. Math is your friend! Granted, the one thing that won’t scale down well from the original recipe is the vanilla. If you’ve got an eyedropper available, feel free to put 6 and 1/4 drops of McCormick vanilla extract in as well. But honestly, it’s gonna taste just fine even if you skip it.

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As you whip everything vigorously with a fork, you will likely end up with this kind of mealy-textured mess. Now is the time to add tiny, tiny smidges of almond milk until you achieve a smooth texture. It shouldn’t be more than 1/4 teaspoon extra. If you go overboard and it gets too runny (or if it was too runny from the start,) sprinkle in more powdered sugar a pinch at a time until it’s right.

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I don’t know what was up with my lighting in this shot, but I promise you my icing was white, not gray. And my cupcake wasn’t burnt to a crisp either. Golden cupcake, white icing, that’s what you should be seeing here. Do not adjust your monitors.

For the record, it is in theory possible to make a full batch of frosting and freeze the cupcakes in an already-decorated state. But there are two potential problems with this approach. One, you will have to freeze them standing upright in a single layer rather than crammed in a plastic baggie, and you may or may not have the freezer space for this. And two, you will not be able to warm up the cupcake you need on the day of the party any faster than thawing at room temperature, because any added heat will make the frosting melt and break down.

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Pop it in a little tupperware container, and you’re ready to go! Don’t feel like you have to be limited to the cake portion of the birthday party, either. Just ask the birthday party hostess what she’ll be serving — chances are 99% it’s either pizza, or hamburgers and hot dogs, and you can easily bring along your own version of those for your child as well. Being GFCF doesn’t mean you have to be left out, not even for a moment.

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Happy Partying!

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Almond Flour Cupcakes

2 cups blanched almond flour
1/4 cup tapioca starch
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 cup grapeseed oil
1/2 cup agave nectar (or honey)
1/3 cup plain applesauce

Single Serving of Frosting

2 Tbs powdered sugar
1/2 Tbs grapeseed oil
1/4 tsp almond milk, up to 1/4 tsp more

The subject at hand: birthday cakes. Depending on how far along you are in your GFCF journey, you may already be able to whip up a delectable gluten-free cake that your non-GF guests will love. At the very least, anyone can use one of the many decent GFCF baking mixes out there, and it’s my experience that as long as there’s sugary frosting on top, the kids are not going to pay much attention to what’s underneath anyway.

But what if you’ve got extra allergies to contend with, like eggs, nuts, soy — or all of those and more? Or what if you’re still really brand-new to all this, and you’re just not up for baking yet, but you can’t exactly skip your kid’s birthday? Well I say, don’t let The Man tell you what is or is not a birthday cake!

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This, ladies and gentlemen, isn’t just a birthday cake. It’s Better Than Birthday Cake.

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Start with the biggest watermelon you can possibly find. If the only thing you can get in your area are those little “personal” watermelons, you can still do this, but you’re going to need at least three of them. First, cut out a circular slice about two inches wide. Ideally it will be as big around as possible, but will come from slightly off to the side of dead center. This is going to be the base, so make sure it’s nice and level. Watermelon actually trims really easily, just run a sharp knife flat along the surface until it’s evened out.

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Next, cut a very thick slice from the center (that is, from the larger of the two halves you are now working with.) It should be at least 4 inches wide. If you’re using multiple smaller watermelons, this will have to come from the second watermelon. Run a knife vertically around the edge to cut the rind off, and pop the center out.

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It’ll probably come out angular and a little ragged, but again, a sharp knife will carve off any rough edges with the barest of touches.

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Stack your extra tall layer on top of your base, and then repeat the whole process with another smaller section from closer to the end of your watermelon. Go ahead and pry out any seeds that are close to the surface for a little added polish. Speaking of seeds: in a really large watermelon, the seeds may be quite abundant in the middle, and the smaller your rounded layers get, the more “middle” will be showing. I have, on occasion, gotten one of the personal watermelons just for the upper layers, because the middle of my gigantic watermelon looked like a pock-marked war zone.

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As you get close to the end of your watermelon, you may find it’s easier to cut the rind off in sections and sculpt from there, rather than try to cut straight down in a small circle.

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Lay out thin banana slices around the base, and use toothpicks to decorate with whatever small fruits you like on the upper layers. I will warn you, however, that no matter how much you may love strawberries, they just will not look good next to the red watermelon. Trust me, don’t go with the strawberries.

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Now for the best part. Pineapple stars! If you’re extra lucky, starfruit will be in season, and you can just cross-cut a couple of those and be done with it. But us plebians can make do with a pineapple. First, hack off the ends of that beast, and cut the peel down from the sides.

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Don’t worry if you leave a few bits from the rind around the edges. Next, slice your giant cylinder into rounds about a centimeter thick.

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Mark out your star shape with toothpicks to make sure it’s nice and symmetrical before you start cutting. It’s easiest if you do it in two parts: first arrange five toothpicks in an even pentagon surrounding the core, and then add the five outer points to make a triangle coming off each side of the pentagon. Slice off the bits in between and you’re left with a perfect star. Lather, rinse, repeat.

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Attach them to the sides of the cake with a toothpick through the middle, just like you did for the smaller fruits. Then it’s time to sit back and let all the other parents marvel at how creative, and fun, and healthy your kid’s birthday cake is. In fact, you don’t even have to tell them it’s because he’s on a special diet if you don’t want to, because this really is better than birthday cake.

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Happy Eating!

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The key ingredient here is the rice paper that the spring rolls are wrapped in. My grocery store carries it in the ethnic food aisle, but you may have to go to an Asian market to get it, it just depends. The ingredients should literally be nothing but rice and tapioca starch.

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My shrimp are looking pretty pathetic here, to be honest. They were frozen. They look better by the time they’re cooked, I promise. You’ll want to boil three shrimp for every spring roll you plan to make. They should only need maybe 7-8 minutes to cook, even if you start from frozen.

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The bulk of the spring roll is going to be filled with these tiny white noodles called vermicelli, or cellophane noodles. Often they are made of rice, but sometimes they are made of mung bean, as is the case here. Again, any Asian market will have them.

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Mine come conveniently clumped into single-servings, which will fill two spring rolls each. But if yours are in a big block, just break off what you need. Boil them for about 5-7 minutes, just until the noodles are soft and slippery, then you can turn the heat off and let them hang out in the water while you assemble the spring rolls.

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Fill a huge bowl with warm water. Dip one sheet of rice paper carefully under the water, and hold it there for 30 seconds.

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See? Soggy and floppy! I mean, ah, soft and pliable. Yeah.

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Traditionally, shredded cabbage is the main vegetable of choice in spring rolls. But I’m kind of partial to this random product I found. It’s basically just shredded broccoli stalks. Plus, it’s got this weird carrot-and-broccoli superhero lady on the bag, so that’s something else in its favor. I think. Anyway, just pick something green and slightly crunchy, whatever floats your boat.

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It’s hard to see, but my wet rice paper is laying on the cutting board, and the filling is about two inches from the bottom edge. Lay three shrimp in a line, then top with your shredded cabbage (or broccoli shreds, like me.) I also added some shredded carrots and a thin slice of yellow bell pepper. Really, the fillings are up to you. We’ve filled some with cooked rice and leftover pulled pork before, and it turned out great. Anything you can put in a burrito, you can put in a rice paper wrapper.

That herb I’m topping it off with is cilantro, by the way, also known as coriander. If you hate cilantro (and many people do,) another traditional herb you could substitute is mint.

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By now your noodles will be a tangled mess inside your pot. Take a fork, and twist up a hefty amount like spaghetti, so that the dangling column is about an inch thick. Then just take a pair of kitchen scissors and snip it right off. Instant spring roll size!

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Fold the sides of your rice paper inward…

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Then roll tightly from the bottom upward, making sure the top flap gets a nice wet seal against the rest of the roll. If you let the rolls sit for awhile before serving, the rice paper will have a chance to dry out just a little bit, which will reduce the chances of it tearing. Assuming you can stand to wait that long. These hold up great in lunchboxes, by the way.

And of course, don’t forget the peanut sauce.

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Happy Eating!

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Spring Rolls

8 rice paper rounds
24 small shrimp
shredded cabbage or broccoli
shredded carrots
cilantro
Vermicelli noodles (rice or mung bean)

You’d think boiling the eggs would be a no-brainer, but you’ve got to do it right or they won’t peel cleanly. Start with 18 eggs in a pot of cold water, and turn the heat to high. Once the water reaches a rolling boil (that is, giant bubbles splashing everywhere, not tiny little simmery things,) then start your timer for 15 minutes.

You’re destined to lose a few eggs during the boiling process, like this one that exploded spectacularly underwater right before my eyes. But we can still use the yolk in the filling mixture, and the white can be set aside for taste-testing purposes. I can always find at least a couple that are just not pretty enough to go on the plate, and I have no choice but to eat them right then and there.

Once you’ve drained the pot, set it in the sink and refill it with cold water, then plunge the eggs back in. This will cause the insides to shrink back from the shell, and they will come out nice and smooth when you peel them.

Then cut all those little suckers in half lengthwise…

And drop the yolks into a large mixing bowl. If they’re cooked right, you should be able to just give the egg a little squeeze and it will pop right out.

Mash them up with a fork until you’ve gotten all the large lumps out.

Okay, sure, there can be a few lumps left. We’ll continue to work on those as we add the wet ingredients. First, mix in 3 Tablespoons of French’s yellow mustard. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas at any time. Always check your labels!]

Then add 2 Tablespoons of pickle relish. Most major brands are gluten free, but sadly enough some aren’t, so double check yours. It’s up to you whether you go for sweet or dill relish — generally I would say dill, but this time I’m using a spicy-sweet specialty brand called Wickles. I could eat that stuff with a spoon, I tell you.

Then add 1 Tablespoon of Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce (make sure you use the original flavor, as their lighter “chicken” worcestershire sauce is not dairy-free.)

And 1/4 teaspoon of McCormick’s celery salt.

Finally, add in 2/3 cup of Hellman’s mayonnaise. As a relatively bland ingredient, the mayonnaise’s role is entirely for smoothing out the texture. So to that end, you don’t want to put in too much, or your filling will get runny, and then the only way to fix it will be to boil more eggs and harvest the extra yolks. I personally like to go cautiously and start with 1/2 cup of mayo, and add in more as necessary, but I freely admit that I take my deviled eggs very seriously.

Swipe about a Tablespoon of filling into each egg half with a spoon, smoothing the top a little so it’s at least moderately attractive. If you want to get really fancy, you can scrape the filling into an icing bag and squirt it in all decoratively. But an upside-down spoon’s good enough for me.

Finally, sprinkle the tops with paprika. Such a pretty spice.

And you’re ready to go! This is an especially nice hors d’oeuvre if you’re trying to cook a GFCF holiday meal for extended family members who aren’t used to eating on strange diets, because other than some judicious brand selection on your part, the ingredients are the same as you would find in a traditional recipe. Heck, with the right collection of recipes, your family might even get through the whole meal without realizing it was restricted to begin with.

Happy Eating!

The GFCF Lady’s Deviled Eggs

18 eggs
3 TBS French’s yellow mustard
2 TBS Wickles relish
1 TBS Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire
1/4 tsp McCormick celery salt
2/3 cup Hellman’s mayonnaise

I know I will be making this turkey in a few weeks for at least one of our various Christmas gatherings, but it seems kind of pointless to post it long after the major turkey holiday, when everyone needs it most. On the other hand, there’s no way I can justify cooking an entire turkey for my household twice in one month, on top of the piles of yummy leftovers my aunt will no doubt send us home with.

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to post just the text of the recipe, and after I actually cook it in December I’ll come back and update with pictures for future reference. Sound good? Good.

The thing that makes this recipe great is you make the gravy from scratch right alongside the turkey. On the one hand, it’s a teeny-tiny bit of extra work, but on the other hand, you’re not going to find a premade gravy or mix of any kind that’s gluten-free, so you’re kind of stuck doing that anyway. And trust me, if you’ve never had truly homemade gravy, prepare to be blown away by the difference in taste.

But first, the turkey. You’re going to want one that’s about 16-18 pounds, and comes with the giblets included. Pull that little package of giblets out of the cavity of the turkey, and set it aside. Then rinse the whole turkey off under the faucet, and pat it dry with paper towels. You will look ridiculous trying to strongarm this huge bird in and out of the sink, so don’t even try not to. When you set it on the rack, tuck the wings down underneath the legs, and tie the ends of the drumsticks together with a bit of string so it’s not flopping bird parts all over the place.

If you’re not the kind of person who ever buys fresh herbs, now is really the time to give in. You’ll need a handful each of fresh rosemary and sage. Stick one or two sprigs of each into the turkey cavity, and finely chop up the rest. Throw a couple pinches of salt and pepper into the cavity too, for good measure.

In a small pot, melt 4 Tablespoons of Fleischmann’s Unsalted margarine - not the “Original” (salted) flavor, which has casein. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without notice. Always check your labels!] Mix in 3 Tablespoons each of chopped rosemary and sage, 1 Tablespoon of black pepper, and 4 teaspoons of salt.

Now here’s the fun part. Take another two Tablespoons of margarine, and cut each one into fourths. Make tiny cuts all over the skin of your turkey, and insert these little knobs of margarine underneath. Just shove them right in there between the skin and the meat, so they look like a mouse under a rug. Once it goes in the oven they’ll melt and spread out, and you will end up with the most amazingly moist turkey you ever sank your teeth into.

By now your herb-margarine concoction on the stove should be nice and melty, so it’s time to brush it all over the surface of the turkey. Go ahead and use it all, even if it’s dripping down the sides already. No use letting it go to waste.

Place your turkey in a 325 degree oven, and let it roast untouched for 1 hour. After that, reach in and baste it every 20-30 minutes or so while it cooks for another 2 hours and 45 minutes. Adjust by 15 minutes in either direction if you have a slightly smaller or slightly larger turkey; in any case it’s done when a meat thermometer jabbed into the thigh reads 180 degrees.

But don’t walk away from the kitchen just yet! You probably have some other side dishes you want to start working on, yes? You can do that for now, but later, when the turkey has about an hour and a half left to cook, it’s time to get started on the gravy.

In a large pot, dump in the contents of your giblets bag, along with 5 1/2 cups of gluten-free chicken broth, one onion cut into quarters, and one bay leaf. Bring this to a boil and let it simmer for about an hour. It should hopefully be reduced to about 3 cups of liquid in this time. Strain all the big pieces out and throw them away.

In a large pan, melt another 6 Tablespoons of dairy-free margarine. Dice up two more onions as finely as you can manage, and start sauteeing them over low heat. About ten minutes in, add 1 Tablespoon each of rosemary and sage, and continue sauteeing until the onions are golden brown and carmelized. Sprinkle in 1/3 cup of the gluten-free flour of your choice (I’ll probably be using Bob’s Red Mill All-Purpose, but I may end up trying sorghum flour this time since it’s a little finer-grained. The onion and herbs should overpower any slight flavor your flour might impart, so it shouldn’t really matter what you use.)

Give the flour about a minute to cook while you stir continuously, and then gradually whisk the turkey stock into the pan with the onions. Remember the turkey stock? Hopefully it’s still sitting back there on your stove, and hasn’t been stolen for a delectable soup by some roving chef.

Simmer the gravy pan for a few minutes to thicken it. Add in another teaspoon of rosemary and sage if you’re so inclined.

Now then! Your kitchen should be smelling amazing at this point, and the turkey should be about ready to come out of the oven. Carefully transfer that behemoth to your serving plate, and make a tent out of foil to keep it warm until it’s time to eat. Then carefully, carefully pour the juices from the roasting pan into a large measuring cup. After it’s been sitting for a few minutes, the fat will all rise to the top and you can scoop it right off with a spoon and throw it away.

While your pan juices are resting and separating, pour 1/2 cup of balsamic vinegar into a small saucepan, and simmer until it’s reduced to 1/4 cup, which should only take 3-4 minutes.

Here comes the tricky part. Once you’ve skimmed off the fat, start pouring your turkey juices into the gravy, but hold some back if it looks like it’s going to get too watery. Then, start adding the balsamic vinegar one Tablespoon at a time until you have a taste you like. It’s very hard to give an exact measurement, because it’s impossible to know if your turkey stock reduced to exactly three cups, or how much juice came off your particular turkey. But be brave and don’t skip it altogether, because it really adds an incredible depth to the gravy. And of course, make sure you’re using real 100% balsamic vinegar, and not some weird “balsamic-flavored” vinegar that might contain gluten.

Pour the gravy into some nice boat-like serving container, carve your turkey, and make sure Uncle Wally doesn’t take all the mashed potatoes before everyone else has had a chance. And then be prepared for a lot of lavish thanks, as your family admires your astoundingly awesome Thanksgiving turkey.

Happy Eating!

GFCF Thanksgiving Turkey with Balsamic Onion Gravy

For the turkey:
1 16-18 lb. turkey (with giblets)
6 Tbs Fleischmann’s Unsalted Margarine, divided
3 Tbs fresh rosemary, plus a whole sprig
3 Tbs fresh sage, plus a whole sprig
1 Tbs black pepper
4 tsp salt

For the gravy:
5 1/2 cups GF chicken broth
giblets from turkey
1 onion, quartered
1 bay leaf

6 Tbs Fleischmann’s Unsalted Margarine
2 onions, diced finely
1 Tbs rosemary
1 Tbs sage
1/3 cup Bob’s All-Purpose GF flour
1/2 cup balsamic vinegar

So what’s a GFCF mom to do? Well, making great homemade mashed potatoes isn’t hard at all, if you have a good recipe. And hey, if we’re bothering to make our own mashed potatoes, we might as well make them perfectly, right?

First, peel your pile of potatoes. (And say that ten times fast.) This is approximately 2.5 pounds of potatoes, based on the fact that it’s about half of a standard 5-pound bag. Use the other half for Potato Salad or Tandoori Chicken later in the week. Or, double the recipe and save the leftovers for Shepherd’s Pie. Oh humble potato, is there anything you can’t do?

Chop them into decent-sized chunks, and boil for about 20-30 minutes, until they are really thoroughly cooked. When you stab a fork in to check them, the piece should pretty much just fall in half. This is more cooked than you would want for, say, potato salad, where you expect the potatoes to retain a little firmness.

Drain the potatoes and return them to the pot. See how they’re all falling apart on their own back there? Now add 4 Tablespoons (aka 1/4 cup) of Fleischmann’s Unsalted Margarine. Make sure you do not use the Original flavor; only the unsalted kind is dairy-free. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

Stir everything around until the margarine is melted, then pour in about 1/3 to 1/2 cup of almond milk. You’re never going to get exactly the same amount of potatoes in any given batch, and the threshold between dry and soupy can be very thin. So start with a little less and add with caution as needed.

Look at that fluffy, perfectly smooth texture! You’d never believe I managed that with a spoon and a bicep. Actually, that’s because I didn’t, I used the hand mixer like any normal human being. That thing will hunt down and decimate any remaining lumps in no time flat. If you have persistent lumps, that’s a good indication that the potatoes weren’t boiled for long enough. It’s really very hard to overboil potatoes.

You’ll want to add at least 1/2 teaspoon of salt, especially since we used unsalted margarine. Some people may prefer more, but 1/2 teaspoon is a good starting point.

And if you want to be all snazzy, add a teaspoon of parsley and declare them to be herbed mashed potatoes.

You could also add a teaspoon of minced garlic if that’s your thing, but I like them just the way they are: perfect.

Happy Eating!

Perfect Mashed Potatoes

2.5 pounds russet potatoes
4 TBS Fleischmann’s unsalted margarine (NOT Original flavor)
1/3 cup almond milk
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp parsley

It’s a pretty standard culinary concept in Asia to stuff a ball of dough with various fillings and steam the whole thing into a delicious bun. There are over a dozen variations of this, and even though mine aren’t really all that similar to the traditional Vietnamese version that banh bao officially refers to, that’s what I call them because that’s the first name I learned for them.

First the dough, and then the filling. So we start with 3/4 cup sugar in a bowl, and add 2 tsp of salt.

Add 2 Tablespoons of baking powder, and one cup of your milk substitute of choice. Make sure your baking powder is gluten-free. I use a generic brand, but Clabber Girl is one safe national brand. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without notice. Always check your labels!]

Also add in 2 teaspoons of xanthan gum, and mix well to dissolve the sugar.

Now, we’re going to add in a total of 4 cups of brown rice flour, but it has to be added slowly.

Start with two cups, and mix well until it looks like the above. Then add in cup number three and get ready to get messy.

Fold and squoosh everything through your fingers again and again until it’s nice and mixed.

You’ll probably want to have the fourth cup of flour already measured out and waiting, so you don’t have to wash your hands an extra time. After you add the fourth cup it should start to be thick enough that you can’t really squoosh it anymore, you’ll have to start doing more proper kneading. Just fold the far edge towards you…

And mash it down again. Repeat until there’s no more loose flour in the bowl.

It’s still not mixed well enough yet, but at this point I lift the cohesive dough unit out and move it to a cutting board on the kitchen table. I do this because it’s lower than my kitchen counter, and I can get much better leverage for pushing down as I knead.

Just keep folding and mashing, folding and mashing, for a good five minutes at least.

And eventually you will end up with a smooth, even ball of dough. Now, set it aside in a bowl covered with a dishtowel while you mix the filling. I don’t actually know why it needs to be covered with a dishtowel, but my original recipe said to do it, so I do it.

Alright, we’re ready for the filling. That’s a head of baby bok choy up there, which is kind of like an Asian spinach with a very distinct flavor. Chop the leaves off, and throw the stalk away.

The leaves are very firm, so you can chop it up pretty easily without all the bits flying everywhere.

Once you have the baby bok choy in little confetti pieces, add in 2 chopped green onions, and 1 Tablespoon of grated ginger.

Then add 1 teaspoon of salt, and a pinch of white pepper. It’s probably not something you’ll use very often, but I’ve tried making it with black pepper and with no pepper, and the taste just isn’t as good. Use the white pepper.

We’re almost there. Add 2 Tablespoons of water…

1 Tablespoon of cooking sherry (which should naturally be GFCF since it’s made of grapes, but make sure you don’t accidentally pick up something weird like sherry-flavored grain alcohol…)

And 2 teaspoons of sesame oil.

Okay! Now you can mix in one pound of ground pork, and your filling is ready to go.

This being a fancy recipe and all, it does require a bit of special equipment. You can get a bamboo steamer at any Asian market, and it comes as a set of large stackable trays that you can combine to be as tall as you want. The other thing you’ll need to prep is these little squares of parchment paper. Traditionally you would use lettuce leaves to keep the dough from sticking to the tray, but then you just end up with a bunch of wilted lettuce. I mean, if you like super-wilted greens, go for it, but I would just be throwing them away, so I use somehing that’s cheaper and easier to clean up.

Pull off a piece of the dough and roll it into a ball about 1 to 1.5 inches in diameter.

Then roll it out flat on a cutting board sprinkled liberally with more brown rice flour to keep it from sticking. Remember to get yourself a new rolling pin that you’ve never rolled in gluten flours before, or you’ll risk significant cross-contamination issues. If you look at the scale of my hand, you’ll realize this is a teeny tiny rolling pin that’s only maybe 6-8 inches long. Fits right in my utensil drawer with all the other junk.

Now spoon about a tablespoon of meat into the middle of your circle of dough…

And fold all the edges up around it.

Pinch everything together so it holds, and place it on top of a parchment square in your bamboo tray.

Repeat about 20 times. It’s important that the parchment be in small pieces like this and not just one large cover, because the steam has to be able to come up in between the spaces and cook the buns.

Somehow I always end up with more meat than dough, so I roll up any leftovers into little meatballs and toss them in the oven for about half an hour. They make for a great lunch the next day.

Fill a large pan with water, and balance your bamboo steamer on top. Once the steam really gets going, put the lid on and let it cook for about 20-25 minutes.

And they’re done! These typically should be dipped in some kind of sauce, but what kind is entirely up to you. We like a sweet chili sauce that they sell in the Asian section of our grocery store, but you could also do a sweet-n-sour sauce, straight soy sauce (gluten-free, of course,) or even a barbecue sauce.

Happy Eating!

Banh Bao

3/4 cup sugar
2 tsp salt
2 TBS baking powder
1 cup milk substitute
4 cups brown rice flour

1 lb. ground pork
1 head baby bok choy
2 green onions
1 TBS grated ginger
1 tsp salt
pinch white pepper
2 TBS water
1 TBS sherry
2 tsp sesame oil

Oh, decadence. How long I spent without thee.

Don’t get me wrong, you can make some GFCF cakes and cookies that are passable, even darn passable. But that gooey moistness they always promise me never seemed to materialize, until I finally figured out that I should just quit trying to make these ridiculous gluten-free flours and milk-free milks do things they’re not capable of doing. There are plenty of foods on this planet that fall into the category of gooey, and it turns out that more than a few of them are good for baking.

Like pumpkin, for example!

We’ll still need flour, of course, we’re just taking the goo burden off its shoulders. I make these with amaranth flour, but that’s only because we’re attempting to rotate our flours around here for food sensitivity’s sake. (Before I started adapting it left and right, the original recipe came from The Kid-Friendly ADHD & Autism Cookbook.) Bob’s All-Purpose Flour will work just fine too, or pretty much any other gluten-free flour you have on hand, because the taste won’t be coming through in the end. Truth be told, the amaranth flour goes in this recipe specifically because it’s apparently “yucky” in everything else I bake with it, but they never notice it here.

Right, so! Two cups of GF flour, and 1/2 teaspoon of xanthan gum.

Then 3/4 cup of sugar. Like most of the things I make, that’s just the starting amount. Once the kids acknowledged that they liked them, I started scaling back the sugar with each batch.

2 teaspoons of gluten-free baking powder…

1 teaspoon of cinnamon…

1/2 teaspoon of baking soda…

And 1/2 teaspoon of salt.

Then 8 Tablespoons of potato starch, and it’s finally time to blend all the dry ingredients thoroughly.

Now for the wet ingredients! Add 1/2 cup of canola oil to one 15-ounce can of pumpkin puree. Make sure you use one that’s just plain pumpkin and not some pre-flavored “pumpkin pie mix,” because you can never be sure what weird gluten-y stuff gets put into that sort of thing.

Then add 1/4 cup of almond milk.

Mix it all together thoroughly, then dump it in the bowl of flour and mix it all together thoroughly some more. If you’re not going to use an electric mixer, be prepared to do a fair amount of work getting it all evenly blended. On the upside, you will end up with massively ripped biceps like me.

And just in case the sugar content wasn’t enough to convince the kids, you can throw in 1/2 cup of GFCF chocolate chips to tempt them. (Enjoy Life and Tropical Source are two good brands.) You could also use GFCF mini-marshmallows, or even your favorite gluten-free crispy-rice cereal for added crunch.

Also, add in 1 Tablespoon of water. Why didn’t I add this earlier with the other wet ingredients? I forgot. Don’t tell anyone.

Spray a 9×13 baking dish liberally with canola oil, and scrape in the batter.

Then use a very wet hand to moosh the batter into place. You will probably need to shove your hand back under the faucet periodically to keep the batter from sticking to your fingers.

I can be pretty neurotic about getting the surface totally smooth. I certainly can’t imagine where my son got his OCD genes from…

Bake in a 350-degree oven for 35-40 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Set the pan on a wire rack and let it cool completely before slicing. I like to cut them into long bars, because it helps me pretend they’re more of a snack than a straight-up dessert. Ooh, you know what else these are great for? Halloween treats! Don’t kid yourself, it will be October before you know it.

Happy Eating!

Pumpkin Bars

2 cups amaranth (or other gluten-free) flour
1/2 tsp xanthan gum
3/4 cup sugar
2 tsp GF baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
8 TBS potato starch

1 15-oz. can pumpkin puree
1/2 cup canola oil
1/4 cup almond milk
1 TBS water
1/2 cup GFCF chocolate chips

An apple a day keeps the doctor away! Seriously. Apples are healthy in a lot of ways, but they are particularly good for digestive health, which is what this diet’s all about. So here I have my four organic gala apples, looking all posed and pretty.

And now I peel their skin off! Good thing apples don’t have feelings. Also, that’s not some weird angle of the camera, my pinky fingers really are that crooked. What can I say, I’m an odd duck.

Here’s the fastest way I’ve ever found to core an apple. It sure beats cutting the whole thing into slices and then trying to curve the knife around the core in each slice. And don’t even get me started on those useless kitchen gadgets where you can supposedly press the large round thing down over the entire apple and core and slice it all at once. They totally don’t work unless you have the strength of Hercules, in which case you can just intimidate someone else into coring your apples for you.

Slice the two big pieces…

…nip off a few bits of skin, and you’re done!

Toss them all into a large saucepan with a lid, and sprinkle on 2 Tablespoons of brown sugar. Truth be told, you can easily cut the amount of sugar by half or even more, because real apples are pretty sweet all on their own. 2 Tablespoons will get you to that dessert-level sweetness.

Then sprinkle on 2 teaspoons of cinnamon.

Turn the stove to medium-low, and put the lid on. Just like that? Just like that.

See, as they cook, the apples will start to release liquid, which will turn the sugar and cinnamon into that gooey sauce we all associate with cinnamon apples. Let them cook for about 20-30 minutes, stirring occasionally.

And that, my friends, is pure joy on a spoon. There’s really nothing more to say about it.

Happy Eating!

Cinnamon Apples

4 gala apples (organic, if at all possible)
2 TBS brown sugar
2 tsp cinnamon

Simple is best, y’all. Simple is best. Add about a Tablespoon of Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce to a pound of lean ground beef. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change their formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

Divide into equal balls, and smoosh them right in the pan. If you believe it’s sacrilege to cook burgers on the stove instead of on a grill, I cordially invite you to come stand on my back porch in the 90% humidity, when it’s still 95 degrees even after the sun’s gone down, and count the number of mosquitos that bite you before you come around to my way of thinking.

Are there recipes for making your own GF hamburger buns out there? Sure. And maybe someday I’ll work up the energy to experiment with them. But I figure I do so much cooking and baking as it is, I allow myself to splurge on some of the basics that do have commercially-premade versions available. I’ve honestly found that the amount of money I save by no longer buying dairy products far outweighs the extra cost of a few GF hamburger buns. Cheese is expensive! Anyway, Gillian’s is our favorite brand. Whole Foods carries them, in a little freezer case next to the bakery. The texture is more like a biscuit than a typical hamburger bun, but for what it’s worth it’s a darn good biscuit. These are also especially useful if only some members of the household are eating GFCF, or if you’re trying to host non-GFCF guests at a cookout, because you can just heat up one at a time as you need. Just remember, if you toast your buns, never do it in the same pan or grill that you toasted the gluten buns on!

The burgers ought to be done after about 7 minutes per side over medium heat, but to be honest I never really pay that close attention. I just busy myself with pulling out all the fixings, slicing the tomato, warming up the buns and cutting them in half… and round about the time I’m finished the burgers are too. Do pay attention to your brands, as there are unsafe versions of all of these condiments. If you’re one of those heathens who puts mayonnaise on burgers, go for Hellman’s. It’s not pictured here because I’ve raised my children right, you see.

And if you just can’t have a burger without cheese, you can always go for rice cheese slices. I wouldn’t, but you (and the GFCF Husband) certainly could.

Happy Eating!

Hamburgers

1 lb. lean ground beef
1 TBS Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce
1 pkg. Gillian’s GF French rolls
Heinz ketchup
French’s mustard
Hellman’s mayonnaise
Vlasic pickles
tomato
lettuce
onion