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The best thing about avocados is their simplicity. I’ve even been known to peel them from the top and eat them straight out of my hand with a little salt, just like a giant green hardboiled egg. Recipes with avocado somehow always manage to be exquisitely delicious without overcomplicating things, and this one is no exception.

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Start by mashing up one medium avocado in a bowl. (Don’t know how to deal with that giant pit? Take a brief detour here.) Then mix in 1/4 cup of Grey Poupon. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Next, we’re going to blend 1 clove of minced garlic, 1/2 teaspoon of salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of pepper into our odd little not-guacamole bowl.

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Lay your pork tenderloins out on a rack with foil underneath. They always come in packs of two, at least at my store, but I promise you these are leftovers worth having. Spread the avocado mixture evenly over the top of the meat, and roast them uncovered in a 400 degree oven for about 45 minutes. I highly recommend checking them with a meat thermometer; pork will be perfectly done at 170 degrees Fahrenheit.

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Look how fast and easy that was! Besides tasting great, this fatty layer on top serves to trap the moisture in, and the result is one incredibly tender loin. (See what I did there? I crack me up.) Slice vertically into fancy little medallions, and just see how long it can stay on the plate before it gets devoured.

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Happy Eating!

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Avocado Pork Tenderloin

1 medium avocado
1/4 cup Grey Poupon
1 clove garlic
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
2 pork tenderloins

Of course, I eventually learned the error of my ways, under identical circumstances each time: I got invited on a date that involved said international cuisine, and I decided I liked the guy enough to suffer silently through a meal of torture. Come to find out, in both cases the food was much better than the gentleman after all! But that’s another story.

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The point is, I defected to the other side, and became a staunch sushi advocate. And it turns out, sushi rolls are surprisingly easy to make at home. First, of course, you’re going to want to start a batch of sushi rice (minus the wakame, in this case.) While that cooks, prepare your other ingredients for assembly. I’m making a modified California roll, so we’ll need a cucumber, peeled and cut into long thin slices.

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Make sure you cut the seeds off of each section, because nobody likes cucumber seeds.

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Also, we’ll need a bunch of avocado slices. (See this post if you need a rundown on how to properly cut up an avocado.)

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Now, traditionally, California rolls use “krab,” a substance that makes both foodies and English teachers cringe in unison. Those brightly-colored, perfectly straight sticks are not in fact made of crab at all, and more importantly, they are made of gluten. If you’re lucky enough to have a kid who will eat sushi, you must remember that all crab on a sushi restaurant menu is probably going to be the fake kind, even if they spell it like the real thing. But if you look in the right place in your grocery store, you will probably be able to find real, actual crab meat, and that’s something we can use.

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This is a sheet of nori, or seaweed paper. You can find it at an Asian market if your grocery store doesn’t carry any, but check your ethnic foods aisle first, you might be surprised. It has a shiny side and a bumpy side, and the shiny side goes face down.

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Spread out a layer of your sushi rice on top of the nori, leaving only a small space around the edge. The rice will be very sticky, so it’s easiest to do this with the back of a wet fork. You can also tell that I was too impatient and started spreading the rice on while it was still hot, thus partially steaming and shriveling my seaweed paper. Try to let it cool as much as you can. Then, line up your inner ingredients along the bottom edge.

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The bamboo mat is an essential piece of equipment for this, by the way. If you try it barehanded, your fingers are guaranteed to stick to everything and tear the delicate paper to pieces. Also, the proper technique would be to use both hands to make sure you’re rolling it as tightly and evenly as possible, but a photography assistant is just a teensy smidge out of my price range, so you’ll have to bear with me. (Truth be told, if I were filthy rich I’d hire a real sushi chef instead and still take the pictures myself.)

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As you inch forward, squeezing the roll tightly the whole way, peel the mat away from the front edge so it doesn’t actually get wrapped into the roll. I wouldn’t normally be doing this with one awkwardly stretched index finger, but again with the one-handed photography thing. Incidentally, there’s this pervasive idea on the internet that you should put a layer of plastic wrap on top of your bamboo mat to keep it clean. I’m here to tell you that’s ridiculous, and it just gets in the way. Use the bamboo mat the same way the Japanese have been using it for thousands of years, and wash it when you’re done; it’s not that hard.

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Slice your roll with a very sharp, wet knife, and voila! (Sorry for the linguistic insensitivity, but I don’t know how the Japanese would say it.) You should get 3-4 rolls out of this quantity of rice, depending on how full you stuff them with other things. I ended up with a little bit of cucumber and a ton of crab leftover, but I’m sure I can find a use for the crab later in the week. And if we’re lucky, it’ll turn out to be something worth documenting and I’ll share it with you!

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Happy Eating!

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Sushi Rolls

1 batch of sushi rice
1 cucumber
1 avocado
1/2 cup 100% crab meat (not krab stick)
3-4 sheets of nori

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First, put two boneless chicken breasts on to boil in a small pot. While that gets going, dice up a medium yellow onion.

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Add a little oil to a very large skillet and begin sauteeing your onion pieces on low heat while your chicken continues to cook. (It should stay at a rolling boil for about 15 minutes, maybe more depending on how thick your chicken pieces are.) Add 1 teaspoon of salt, and 2 cloves of minced garlic to your onion.

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Also add 2 teaspoons paprika, 1 teaspoon cumin, and 1/2 teaspoon black pepper. Stir it so the spices are evenly distributed, then let the onions settle in to get nice and translucent.

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Meanwhile, chop up about 1/2 cup of fresh cilantro. Unless you are morally opposed to cilantro, don’t skip this step. It completely makes the dish. Then, while you continue to tap your toes waiting on your onions and your chicken (will this 15 minutes never end?!) whip up a double batch of avocado cream, for a total of 2 cups. Set it aside for now, we’ll get back to it in a minute.

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About this time your chicken breasts should be done, so yank them out of the water and give them a quick chop job. Then dump both chicken and cilantro into your giant sautee pan (you did choose a large enough one like I told you to, right?) Mix everything together thoroughly, then let it hang out and keep warm while you start to assemble your layers.

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First, start with a gluten-free tomatillo salsa, also known as salsa verde. This is kind of a specialty food, so there aren’t any nationally-recognizable brands I can suggest for you all (mine’s actually made in Mexico, so you’re not likely to be able to find it unless you live near the border like I do.) Of course the best thing is if your label contains nothing but whole, recognizable ingredients, but in a pinch I’ve even pulled out my cellphone and called a manufacturer’s customer service number right there in the grocery store aisle. Whatever gets the job done.

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Pour about 1/4 cup of the tomatillo salsa on the bottom of your greased 9″ by 9″ baking dish. This is just a thin little drizzle that’s going to help keep your bottom layer from sticking, it doesn’t really count as a layer. Your official first layer will be corn tostadas, broken up and overlapped a bit as necessary. You could also use soft corn tortillas, or even tortilla chips — though both are going to get soggier than these nice thick tostadas — as long as it’s 100% corn, whatever it is.

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Next, grab your avocado cream, and dollop half of it (or about 1 cup) on top of the tostadas, using the back of a spoon to spread it out evenly.

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Next, add a layer of tomatillo salsa. It’s about 1/2 cup, I think, but I just kind of eyeball it.

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Then, layer on half of your chicken mixture. Press it down a bit so it’s not full of air bubbles.

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Now, the final item in our layering scheme is diced green chiles. “But GFCF Lady,” I hear you say, “that can says whole chiles.” Well, yes, so it does. My son really, really likes the grocery store, you see, and shopping trips with him can be classified anywhere from mildly hyperactive to a Category 5 hurricane. In my hurry to get out of there on this particular occasion, I grabbed the wrong can. But no biggie, I just diced them up on my cutting board. Whether you buy them whole or diced, however, this is another one of those items that should contain nothing but the chiles. Don’t settle for added junk.

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Sprinkle half of your chile bits over the chicken, then start the layers over: tostadas, avocado cream, tomatillo sauce…

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…chicken mixture, green chiles. Bake uncovered in a 450 degree oven for 25 minutes, and the result will be the creamiest, tastiest enchilada casserole this side of the Rio Grande.

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Happy Eating!

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The GFCF Lady’s Enchilada Casserole

2 chicken breasts
1 medium yellow onion
2 cloves minced garlic
1 tsp salt
2 tsp paprika
1 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 cup chopped cilantro

8 corn tostadas
2 cups avocado cream
1 1/4 cups tomatillo sauce
1 can chopped green chiles

What you are seeing here is no less than a revolution in cheese substitutes. Joining the ranks of coconut milk, and coconut yogurt, there is a new product available that could rightly be called coconut cheese. But really, they’d prefer you call it Daiya. This product has been around for awhile — there’s a restaurant near me that’s been serving it for at least a year now — but Whole Foods and other consumer outlets have just recently begun carrying it on the shelves. If yours doesn’t have it, see if they’ll special order it for you. This stuff blows all the other fake cheeses out of the water, and I say that as someone who has roundly condemned cheese substitutes from day one.

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Anyway, enough about cheese, we’re making pizzas here. You could bake your own GFCF crust, but then this wouldn’t be a no-bake pizza, would it? What I’m doing here is placing a layer of Daiya cheese shreds between two Food For Life brown rice tortillas. The end result will be moist, yet crispy — the perfect New York style thin crust. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

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This is Muir Glen organic tomato sauce. There are indeed some tomato sauces that contain gluten, so make sure you can identify every ingredient listed if you choose another brand. Stay away from “natural flavors,” unidentified “seasonings,” or any other nonsense like that. Also note the proper way to spread the sauce over the crust: with the back of a spoon in an outwardly expanding spiral. My very first job as a teenager was at a Domino’s Pizza, and the gigantic flat ladle they use for this purpose is officially named a “spoodle.” Seriously.

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Add whatever toppings float your boat, but do be aware that pepperoni, Canadian bacon, or any other kind of processed meat is likely to contain gluten.

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Applegate Farms does make a official pepperoni, but I ended up using this package of salami instead. Technically, pepperoni is a type of salami to begin with anyway. The word’s not even Italian. If you went to Italy you’d have to order “spicy salami” instead, or they’d just stare at you funny.

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Pop it in the oven for about 10-15 minutes at 425, until the cheese is nice and melty. And boy, does it ever melt. I couldn’t get a good shot of it, but when you lift your first slice, you’ll see those stretchy strings just like real cheese. I am truly awed at what the Daiya people have accomplished here. But even if you go for another brand of fake cheese, or a completely different thing like grated polenta, this pizza crust is super-fast and sure to please.

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Happy Eating!

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No-Bake Pizza

2 Food For Life brown rice tortillas
1 package Daiya cheese substitute
1/4 cup Muir Glen tomato sauce
Applegate Farms pepperoni
Other toppings as desired

I hereby apologize for getting that stuck in your head like it’s stuck in mine. Misery loves company. We’ll leave aside the question of whether my compulsion to sing that song with this meal constitutes a form of echolalia, and get right to the recipe!

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I happened to get these pre-cut “fingerling” ribs, but the procedure is exactly the same for an uncut rack of pork ribs. Lay them out on a baking sheet covered with foil, and give them a decent sprinkling of salt and pepper.

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We’re going to be cooking these at a relatively high temperature so that we don’t have to leave them in the oven all afternoon. But in order to do this, we have to trap the moisture in around the meat so it doesn’t dry out. So make a foil tent over the pan, sealing it around all the edges but leaving an inch or so of airspace above the meat. Then just throw the pan in a 400 degree oven and walk away for an hour. Surely you have something else you want to do besides stand in the kitchen for an hour, right?

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When the timer goes off, carefully remove the foil tent, and take a moment to marvel at how well foil reflects heat. Once it’s off the (dangerously hot) pan, you can ball that sucker up with your bare hands to throw it away. Amazing!

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Now it’s time to baste the ribs in your favorite GFCF barbecue sauce. We like this brand called Sweet Baby Ray’s, but there are a number of options out there. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change recipes without warning. Always check your labels!]

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Brush the sauce liberally over both sides of your ribs. (I mean your pork ribs, not your your ribs. Put your shirt back on.)

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Put them back in the oven, uncovered, and after about 20 more minutes you’ll have this awe-inspiring collection of tender, juicy ribs. This is one of my favorite meals to make when I’m super-busy, because while it’s an hour and twenty minutes in the oven, it’s only maybe 5 minutes of actual work. It doesn’t get much shorter than that.

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Happy Eating!

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Of course my version is GFCF. (That’s kind of my thing. Did you know that? Sorry if it was too subtle.) So we start with a package of Applegate Farms hot dogs. They also make a decent turkey hot dog if you happen to prefer that.

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Slice the hot dog into bite-sized chunks, and jab half-sticks of uncooked gluten-free spaghetti into each piece. I’m actually using this cool new King Soba pasta my store started carrying, made out of sweet potato and buckwheat. Now before you go into palpitations, remember that buckwheat is not actually wheat. It’s a completely different plant, contains no gluten, and is one of the better GF flours to work with, in my opinion. It just has a stupidly inaccurate name, that’s all.

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Speaking of inaccurate, octopuses might not be the best name for these, since most of them end up having more than eight legs. You can call them jellyfish if your anal-retentive kid is gonna call you on it. When they’re still uncooked like this, I actally think they look like little Sputniks (which makes sense, because they’re Russian, remember?)

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Toss them into boiling water and cook according to your pasta’s package directions.

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And voila, we have noodly appendages! Do I think it looks appetizing myself? Well no, not really. But I don’t have a Y chromosome. Little boys think this stuff is hysterical, and they eat it right up. Literally.

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Happy Eating!

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The author’s pretty proud of herself, even going so far as to name and patent her “new cooking method.” Who knew that all those frontier settlers using their dutch ovens in the 1800s were guilty of copyright infringement? Anyway, even if her “revolutionary” method is nothing particularly new, it’s still a great collection of very easy recipes, and the vast majority of them happen to be GFCF, or are very easily modified. (Who cooks hulled barley, anyway? Just substitute rice.)

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This is a variation on a recipe in the book called Cajun Fish, which turned out so delicious that it made me rethink my position on sweet potatoes — which prior to this meal had been, at best, indifference. First, peel and cube one sweet potato, and layer it in the bottom of your greased dutch oven.

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This recipe introduced me to another new experience as well: eating whole cooked cloves of garlic. Not for the weak of heart (or kids, for that matter,) but they’re easy to remove after cooking if you want to. I really do recommend trying it at least once though. You might be amazed like I was. Either way, just snip the ends and peel about 6-8 whole cloves of garlic, and toss them on top of the sweet potato pieces.

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Lay 1-2 pounds of fish filets over the garlic, and sprinkle them liberally with McCormick cajun seasoning blend. Do be aware that other brands of seasoning blends might contain gluten as an anti-caking agent, so you can’t just pick one willy-nilly. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning, so always check your labels!]

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Next, cut two roma tomatoes into quarters.

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You can cut the little stem connections off, but leave the insides and seeds, because that moisture is going to add to the steaming factor inside the pot.

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Layer about 1 cup of frozen green beans over the fish, then place the tomato quarters face down on top. Cover with the lid and cook in a 400 degree oven for 45 minutes.

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I wish I could do the texture of these sweet potatoes justice with my description here. They are soft, yet not mushy; savory, but still retaining a little of their natural sweetness… and most amazingly, they are completely and totally smooth, not a single string to be found. It’s really quite amazing. Oh, and the rest of the meal’s pretty darn tasty, too.

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Happy Eating!

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Cajun Fish

1 sweet potato
6-8 whole cloves garlic
1-2 pounds fish filets
1 Tbs McCormick Cajun seasoning blend
1 cup frozen green beans
2 roma tomatoes

What-what-what? Is that a fresh garlic clove I see? Yeah, sometimes I end up going the extra mile. I was going to be making something later in the week that called for whole cloves of garlic, so I had the extra garlic lying around and figured I shouldn’t let it go to waste. Anyway, I snipped the ends and got them peeled, but I’ll warn you, I did not even come close to properly mincing them, probably out of defiance more than anything. My mother has told me I was very contrarian as a child too.

Where was I? Oh yes, Greek Flank Steak! We’re making a flavorful marinade here, so we’ll need at least three cloves of garlic, chopped into whatever consistency you can manage.

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Next we’re going to add the juice of two lemons. Again with the fresh stuff! Don’t worry, that little plastic container of lemon juice still has a home in my fridge. But they were having a sale on lemons, and I figured why not? In general, a medium lemon will produce 2 Tablespoons, so this equals about 4 Tablespoons (or 1/4 cup) of lemon juice.

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Now toss in 1/2 teaspoon of pepper, and 1 Tablespoon of salt.

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Also, 3 teaspoons of dried oregano (which is the same as 1 Tablespoon, if you’re into measurement conversions.)

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Pour in one cup of quality olive oil, and mix everything thoroughly.

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Now put the whole concoction into a ziplock bag with a 2-3 pound flank steak, and let it marinate overnight in the fridge. This is important, because flank steak is generally a fairly tough cut of meat, and the acidity of the lemon juice is going to slowly break it down and tenderize it. If you shorten the marinating time, you will still have an excellent flavor, but the meat may end up pretty chewy.

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The next day, just place the steak on a rack and broil it in the oven for 6-10 minutes on each side, depending on how thick your cut of meat is. Of course you can also do it on an outdoor grill if you’re into that sort of thing.

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I like it best sliced very thin, which for the record, this is not. The GFCF Husband didn’t realize I was photographing this meal, and started cutting in his own quick-and-dirty way before I had a chance to do it. Certainly can’t fault him for trying to help me get dinner on the table faster, though.

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Happy Eating!

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Greek Flank Steak

2-3 lb flank steak
3 cloves garlic
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 Tbs salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1 Tbs oregano
1 cup olive oil

But can I really improve on these delectable GFCF chicken nuggets I showed you how to make way back when? Oh, indeed. You may recall that at the time, I said, “I’d probably bread everything in nothing but almond meal, if the stuff weren’t so darn expensive.” Well it turns out, there was a less expensive source sitting right under my nose. Much less expensive, in fact!

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Honeyville Grain sells blanched almond flour at half the price of Bob’s Red Mill. (The price drops even more if you buy it in 25 lb. bags, but I realize most of you aren’t going to be able to go through it that quickly — though it does keep for a very long time in the refrigerator…) I’ve been experimenting with this stuff like a madwoman, and I have to say, I’m an almond flour convert at this point. The texture is just miles better than anything else out there in my opinion, and with the obstacle of cost removed (or at least reduced to the equivalent of every other GF flour out there,) there’s no reason not to use it in practically everything.

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I’ll try to post some recipes for baked items involving almond flour in the near future, but for now, let’s get back to these amazing chicken tenders, shall we? I was exaggerating slightly when I said “nothing but” almond flour, there are a few seasonings that help this meal reach its full potential. Specifically, that’s 1/2 teaspoon each of salt, garlic powder, and ground ginger, and 1 teaspoon of paprika.

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Blend all that into 1 cup of almond flour. (That’s another important distinction between the Honeyville product versus Bob’s Red Mill, by the way: Bob’s Red Mill officially makes almond meal, which is a coarser texture, and doesn’t work as well for baking. It would still work fine here, except for the part where it’s twice as expensive.)

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I’m using 2 pounds of chicken tenders straight out of the package, but you could certainly cut up your own chicken bits if you’d prefer. As always, make sure you get chicken meat that isn’t injected with broth, as that may contain gluten. “Retained water” = good, “up to 3% solution” = bad. There’s really no need to do an egg wash in this recipe, especially since the almond flour is already packed with protein. I just use about a Tablespoon of high-quality olive oil.

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Roll your oiled chicken in the breading, and lay them out on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.

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I sprinkle any leftover bits on top for a little extra crunch. The reason you can get away with doing these in the oven instead of frying them in oil is because the almond grains are too dense to get soggy in the oven like other GF breadings. They come out just as crunchy, with less effort.

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30 minutes in the oven at 400 degrees, and just look at that golden deliciousness! My whole family prefers the taste, plus it’s more nutritious, costs the same as anything else a gluten-free cook would use, and involves less work and cleanup than frying. Time to light the fireworks!

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Happy Eating!

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Oven-Baked Chicken Tenders

2 lb. chicken tenders
1 Tbs olive oil
1 cup Honeyville almond flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp paprika

And thanks to everyone who posted about what they’d like to see in the future, I’m going to do my best to provide the most helpful recipes I can. Speaking of, have you ever made your own beans? I avoided it for so long, because it had such an old-school mystique about it, I thought it must be terribly hard. But it isn’t! What’s more, beans are very healthy, and homemade ones cost one-tenth what canned beans do.

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Look, it’s a bag of beans! Everything I’m about to describe goes for all types of beans, by the way, I just happen to be using black beans because they’re my favorite.

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The first thing you must do with real beans is soak them overnight. There are ways you can try to speed-cook them, but the beans don’t come out as well, and what’s more, soaked beans cause less flatulence. That’s better for everyone involved, don’t you think? I find a drink pitcher to be the most convenient way to soak them.

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Fill it most of the way with water and just stick it either on the counter, or in the fridge, before you go to bed. Being at room temperature will speed up the soaking, and help the oligosaccharides break down faster, which is what makes the beans easier to digest and ultimately leads to less gas. But they probably shouldn’t have more than about 12 hours soaking at room temperature. So if I’m going to be slow-cooking them in the crock pot all day, I soak them overnight at room temperature and deal with them in the morning. If I’m going to be cooking them in a normal pot on the stove, I soak them in the fridge, and leave them there all the way until the late afternoon when I’m ready to start cooking them.

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One way or the other, when you’re ready to start cooking your beans, pour your nasty water out (see how handy the pitcher lid is for this?) and cover them again with fresh water.

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Boil them for 2-3 hours on the stove, or 5-6 hours in the crock pot on low. If you have to leave them in there for longer, it’s not really a big deal, they’ll just be extra soft. Make sure you start with at least 3 times as much water as you have beans, because they’re going to absorb and swell a lot.

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The seasonings depend entirely on what kind of beans you’re making, and what kind of recipe you’re going to use them in. I was going for a Mexican flavor this night, so I put in 1 teaspoon each of chili powder and cumin. (After it was done, I kinda wished I’d put some dried cilantro in there too. Oh well, there’s always next time.) Now is when a lot of people like to put bacon or other pieces of pork in with the beans to flavor them. If you do this, make sure you get a gluten-free brand of bacon, and preferably one with no added nitrates or nitrites either, like Applegate Farms. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change recipes without warning. Always check your labels!]

When you store the leftovers — and you should definitely have some, because the whole point of cooking beans is to make a huge batch at once — keep them covered with some of the remaining liquid so they stay moist. They’ll freeze well this way too. When it’s time to reheat them, you can drain them like you would a regular can of beans, or…

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You can dump the whole thing back into a pan on medium-high heat, and shove them around a bit until they mash up and become refried beans. Who knew it was that easy?

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Here we have my concoction for the evening: sorta-refried black beans over Mexican rice, topped with corn and mango pico de gallo (you can find a discussion of pico de gallo in the comments section here, if you’re not familiar with it.) You could also put them in tacos, in a soup, as a side dish… one batch can be used for several very different meals throughout the week, saving you lots of time, money, and effort.

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Happy Eating!

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