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Of course my version is GFCF. (That’s kind of my thing. Did you know that? Sorry if it was too subtle.) So we start with a package of Applegate Farms hot dogs. They also make a decent turkey hot dog if you happen to prefer that.

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Slice the hot dog into bite-sized chunks, and jab half-sticks of uncooked gluten-free spaghetti into each piece. I’m actually using this cool new King Soba pasta my store started carrying, made out of sweet potato and buckwheat. Now before you go into palpitations, remember that buckwheat is not actually wheat. It’s a completely different plant, contains no gluten, and is one of the better GF flours to work with, in my opinion. It just has a stupidly inaccurate name, that’s all.

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Speaking of inaccurate, octopuses might not be the best name for these, since most of them end up having more than eight legs. You can call them jellyfish if your anal-retentive kid is gonna call you on it. When they’re still uncooked like this, I actally think they look like little Sputniks (which makes sense, because they’re Russian, remember?)

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Toss them into boiling water and cook according to your pasta’s package directions.

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And voila, we have noodly appendages! Do I think it looks appetizing myself? Well no, not really. But I don’t have a Y chromosome. Little boys think this stuff is hysterical, and they eat it right up. Literally.

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Happy Eating!

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What-what-what? Is that a fresh garlic clove I see? Yeah, sometimes I end up going the extra mile. I was going to be making something later in the week that called for whole cloves of garlic, so I had the extra garlic lying around and figured I shouldn’t let it go to waste. Anyway, I snipped the ends and got them peeled, but I’ll warn you, I did not even come close to properly mincing them, probably out of defiance more than anything. My mother has told me I was very contrarian as a child too.

Where was I? Oh yes, Greek Flank Steak! We’re making a flavorful marinade here, so we’ll need at least three cloves of garlic, chopped into whatever consistency you can manage.

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Next we’re going to add the juice of two lemons. Again with the fresh stuff! Don’t worry, that little plastic container of lemon juice still has a home in my fridge. But they were having a sale on lemons, and I figured why not? In general, a medium lemon will produce 2 Tablespoons, so this equals about 4 Tablespoons (or 1/4 cup) of lemon juice.

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Now toss in 1/2 teaspoon of pepper, and 1 Tablespoon of salt.

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Also, 3 teaspoons of dried oregano (which is the same as 1 Tablespoon, if you’re into measurement conversions.)

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Pour in one cup of quality olive oil, and mix everything thoroughly.

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Now put the whole concoction into a ziplock bag with a 2-3 pound flank steak, and let it marinate overnight in the fridge. This is important, because flank steak is generally a fairly tough cut of meat, and the acidity of the lemon juice is going to slowly break it down and tenderize it. If you shorten the marinating time, you will still have an excellent flavor, but the meat may end up pretty chewy.

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The next day, just place the steak on a rack and broil it in the oven for 6-10 minutes on each side, depending on how thick your cut of meat is. Of course you can also do it on an outdoor grill if you’re into that sort of thing.

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I like it best sliced very thin, which for the record, this is not. The GFCF Husband didn’t realize I was photographing this meal, and started cutting in his own quick-and-dirty way before I had a chance to do it. Certainly can’t fault him for trying to help me get dinner on the table faster, though.

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Happy Eating!

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Greek Flank Steak

2-3 lb flank steak
3 cloves garlic
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 Tbs salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1 Tbs oregano
1 cup olive oil

Our sauce base today is this organic, gluten-free hoisin sauce by Edward & Sons. (They also make great instant potatoes, by the way, as well as all-natural GFCF sprinkles for cupcakes.) [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

Note that not all of the Edward & Sons sauces are gluten free, just this one and their teriyaki sauce. And if you look closely at the bottle, you’ll also learn how to say “gluten free” in French! Actually, that may be “without wheat,” I’m not sure. Either way, “bleh” is an appropriate syllable for it, don’t you think? If you want to have a go at making an approximation of this sauce yourself, it’s mostly soy sauce (make sure yours is GF!), apple cider vinegar, sugar, orange juice, sesame oil, and Five Spice. An Asian-y barbecue sauce, really.

So pour out 1/4 cup of the hoisin sauce, and add 2 Tablespoons of honey…

…and 1 1/2 Tablespoons of Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce.

Now, cut up about a pound of beef steak into bite-size pieces, and mix them in the bowl with the sauce. Give them as much time to marinate as you can, but don’t sweat it if it isn’t that long. Usually I end up just letting it sit long enough for me to cook the mushrooms. What mushrooms, you ask?

These mushrooms! Sautee 8 oz. of fresh mushrooms in some olive oil until they’re mostly cooked, a good 8-10 minutes.

While you wait, get out 1/2 cup of dried cranberries, and soak them in some water. I know I use cranberries a lot, but if you don’t like the taste you could always use dried cherries or even golden raisins instead.

Meanwhile, start cooking your rice. 1 1/2 cups of rice is a good complement for the amount of stir fry we’re making, but of course you could do more or less depending on how many people you’re trying to feed.

Man, I always forget how much mushrooms shrink when you cook them. Dump in your meat-sauce concoction and let the meat brown, stirring occasionally. I know it isn’t truly a stir fry unless you have it over very high heat and are stirring constantly, but that’s a bad idea here because it will burn off the sauce too quickly. I won’t tell if you won’t.

And just for a little crunch, let’s toast 1/2 cup of almonds and throw them in there too. I always stock both almonds and cranberries in the pantry, not only for cooking but for sprinkling on salads as well. If your preference is for walnuts, or cashews, or pine nuts, those are all fine and dandy too. It’s a stir fry, do whatever you want! The easiest way to toast the nuts is to microwave them in a bowl one minute at a time, tossing them gently in between, until they crunch when you bite them (instead of squeaking.)

We’re almost there! Drain the cranberries (or other dried fruit of your choice,) and dump them in the pan along with the almonds.

And that’s it! Serve over rice, and sit back and watch the smiles on their faces. Well, don’t sit back too long, you’ll want to eat your own before it gets cold.

Happy Eating!

The GFCF Lady’s beef stir fry

1/4 cup Premier Japan (Edward & Sons) Hoisin sauce
2 TBS honey
1 1/2 TBS Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce
1 lb. beef steak
8 oz. mushrooms
1/2 cup dried cranberries
1/2 cup slivered almonds
1 1/2 cups rice

That there’s a dutch oven with some olive oil in it. You could technically do this in a crock pot, but I just can’t imagine why you would want to. Number one, a dutch oven distributes the heat more evenly than a crock pot, and number two, the heavy lid makes a tight seal and keeps all the moisture inside, while every crock pot I’ve ever seen lets the steam escape, sometimes splattering all over the counter in the process. And that’s just not cool.

Peel and quarter two onions. This is my absolute favorite part of the recipe, by the way. When they come out of the pot, all golden and soft… but wait, that’s not for hours yet, don’t let me get sidetracked.

Now, a lot of pot roast recipes out there will tell you to season the meat with a “ranch dressing packet.” There are lots of descriptive words I could use to tell you what I think about those things, but we’ll keep it family-friendly and go with “not GFCF” for now. Suffice it to say, it’s both cheaper and healthier to use real spices. All you need is one Tablespoon each of celery salt (which is just salt and celery seed mixed together, if you happen to already have the latter in your spice drawer,) parsley, and chives.

Mix the spices on a plate and just lay the roast right on top of them. I usually do about a 2-3 lb. piece of meat, but you could certainly choose a bigger one if you wanted. Rotate it around on all sides, and press the spices in firmly so they stick.

Now, sear each side of the meat on high heat until it’s browned. You may feel kind of silly holding a huge piece of meat up on its end for a minute or two, but it’s important to get the edges too, and try as I might, I’ve never had a roast that would balance on its own.

Then set it aside on a plate, just for a second.

Measure out 2 cups of Pacific Foods organic beef broth, which is gluten-free. (But don’t take my word for it, always double-check your labels.)

See all those brown bits that stuck to the pan when we were searing the meat? We don’t want to waste them because they taste awesome. So pour just a tiny stream of broth into the pot to deglaze it. (It’s always seemed to me that we’re creating a glaze, not de-glazing anything, but those fancy chefs on the TV all tell me I’m wrong.) It’ll boil and spatter for a minute, and then the bottom of the pot will be magically clean.

Then set your meat back in the pot, pour the rest of the broth in, and place your onion quarters in around the sides. Mmm, cooked onions…

Top with carrots, put the lid on, and cook in a 275 degree oven for 3-4 hours. Normally people use baby carrots for this sort of thing, but we just love the matchsticks. Any shape will work, even those cute little flowers they cut them into at fancy restaurants. But don’t expect that kind of artistry out of me.

Just take a look at that deliciousness! Sure, sure, the meat’s good too, but do you see those onions? I could seriously just eat all the onions out of the pot and leave the rest for everyone else. But that would be a bad idea. Still, it’s tempting.

A quick tip: if your meat is tough, that does not mean it’s overcooked–it actually means it hasn’t been cooked long enough. The longer you cook it, the more of that connective tissue will break down, which is precisely why tough cuts of meat like this are always slow-cooked. I lived through many a tough pot roast, cooking them for less and less time, until I finally figured out I was going in the wrong direction.

But the onions were always good!

Happy Eating!

The GFCF Lady’s Pot Roast

2-3 lb. beef roast
1 TBS celery salt
1 TBS parsley
1 TBS chives
2 cups Pacific Foods beef broth
2 onions
1 cup carrots

Let’s make some tacos! You have three options for the wrapper: a 100% corn crunchy shell, a 100% corn soft tortilla, or… these crazy things. They’re corn tortillas, but they’re from “sprouted corn.” Basically it means they grind the corn up later in the growth process, so the plant is more mature and it’s had longer to build up more nutrients. I dunno, we like them mostly because the texture is much thicker and chewier, like a flour tortilla, rather than those translucent corn tortillas that tear if you look at them funny. Plus, the GFCFHusband says normal corn tortillas taste like lard and he hates them.

Anyway, they’re in the freezer section of our health-food store. You can either microwave them, or go all fancy and toast them in a dry pan on the stove, whatever floats your boat.

Shred some cooked chicken, or brown some ground beef if you swing that way. If you season the meat, don’t use those pre-made “taco seasoning” packets, because they’re always full of gluten. You can easily put the spices together yourself–those things are basically just cumin, chili powder, maybe a little onion powder, and salt. My chicken up there? Totally unseasoned. This was a lazy, lazy night for me as I recall.

This fabulous stuff is mango pico de gallo (pico de gallo is just finely diced tomato, onion, cilantro, and jalapeno pepper, for you people who don’t live within spitting distance of the Mexican border.) It’s not hard to make, but it is a little time-consuming to chop everything up, so I’ll confess I usually buy it pre-made at our grocery store. Plain old diced tomato would work just fine too.

Sprinkle on some lettuce and you’re good to go! What these tacos really need is some avocado, but alas, I didn’t have any this night. That is a surprisingly rare occurrence, I should tell you. I almost always have guacamole in the house. You could also add refried beans, black beans, or mexican rice to bulk them up a bit, if you wanted.

Happy Eating!

Tacos

100% corn tortillas or tostadas
Shredded chicken or ground beef
(Season to taste with cumin, chili powder, onion powder, and salt)

Toppings:
Tomato
Lettuce
Avocado
Beans

Now what, you may ask, is that ingenious little lunchbox contraption I have going on there? It’s a Laptop Lunch by a company called Obentec. I am completely in love with them! Not only are they environmentally-friendly (no more ziplock baggies, and the plastics are all PBA-free) but it presents the food in such a visually appealing way that I find all the kids are enticed to eat more of the food than they would otherwise. It’s sturdy, easy-to-clean, and keeps all the food neatly compartmentalized so none of it can touch, which is a critical feature for some of the eaters in this household. For what it’s worth, I think it also helps with the transition onto the diet, to get a shiny new lunchbox to go along with the new foods. But enough pandering to my favorite companies and products. On to the food! (I hope you’re all taking notes, because there’s going to be a short quiz next period.)

Monday!
–Homemade GF waffle, spread with plum jelly and folded like a sandwich. It’s room temperature by the time the kids eat it, of course, but they don’t seem to care.
–Mott’s Healthy Harvest applesauce. Comes in half a dozen different flavors.
–Terra sweet potato chips
–Central Market Organics lightly-salted popcorn

Tuesday!
–Mandarin oranges. The little tub on the upper-left is the only one with an actual lid to hold wet food items, the rest of the containers are just held tightly in place by the top of the closed outer box. You can order extra sets of the containers if you have multiple wet things you want to include in a single day.
–Fritos
–Veggie Booty
–Half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on Food For Life white rice bread (found in the freezer case of the health-food store)

Wednesday!
–Peaches
–Jumbo raisin medley (check that your brand of raisins aren’t dusted with flour to prevent sticking)
–Lay’s plain potato chips
–Half a turkey sandwich on rice bread (Hormel Natural Choice oven-roasted turkey, Hellman’s mayonnaise)

Thursday!
–Snapea Crisps
–Honey Nut Chex (make sure it’s the new box, labeled “Now Gluten Free!” Some stores are still offloading the older boxes with gluten in them.)
–Stretch Island fruit leather
–Glutino pretzel sticks
–Applegate Farms GFCF hot dog, stuck with toothpicks like a mini-corndog.

Friday!
–Terra Chips original
–Green grapes
–Kinnikritters animal cookies
–Enjoy Life sunbutter crunch bar

Don’t forget to check out part two, Another Week of Lunches.

Happy Eating!

Simple is best, y’all. Simple is best. Add about a Tablespoon of Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce to a pound of lean ground beef. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change their formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

Divide into equal balls, and smoosh them right in the pan. If you believe it’s sacrilege to cook burgers on the stove instead of on a grill, I cordially invite you to come stand on my back porch in the 90% humidity, when it’s still 95 degrees even after the sun’s gone down, and count the number of mosquitos that bite you before you come around to my way of thinking.

Are there recipes for making your own GF hamburger buns out there? Sure. And maybe someday I’ll work up the energy to experiment with them. But I figure I do so much cooking and baking as it is, I allow myself to splurge on some of the basics that do have commercially-premade versions available. I’ve honestly found that the amount of money I save by no longer buying dairy products far outweighs the extra cost of a few GF hamburger buns. Cheese is expensive! Anyway, Gillian’s is our favorite brand. Whole Foods carries them, in a little freezer case next to the bakery. The texture is more like a biscuit than a typical hamburger bun, but for what it’s worth it’s a darn good biscuit. These are also especially useful if only some members of the household are eating GFCF, or if you’re trying to host non-GFCF guests at a cookout, because you can just heat up one at a time as you need. Just remember, if you toast your buns, never do it in the same pan or grill that you toasted the gluten buns on!

The burgers ought to be done after about 7 minutes per side over medium heat, but to be honest I never really pay that close attention. I just busy myself with pulling out all the fixings, slicing the tomato, warming up the buns and cutting them in half… and round about the time I’m finished the burgers are too. Do pay attention to your brands, as there are unsafe versions of all of these condiments. If you’re one of those heathens who puts mayonnaise on burgers, go for Hellman’s. It’s not pictured here because I’ve raised my children right, you see.

And if you just can’t have a burger without cheese, you can always go for rice cheese slices. I wouldn’t, but you (and the GFCF Husband) certainly could.

Happy Eating!

Hamburgers

1 lb. lean ground beef
1 TBS Lea & Perrin’s worcestershire sauce
1 pkg. Gillian’s GF French rolls
Heinz ketchup
French’s mustard
Hellman’s mayonnaise
Vlasic pickles
tomato
lettuce
onion

I had been pondering this thing for some time, wondering if it could really be as cool as people said it was. I was finally pushed into action when my cousin Stacey revealed it was her new favorite food. (Strictly speaking, she’s my cousin’s wife, but I’ve never heard of a cousin-in-law, have you?) Stacey doesn’t cook GFCF, but she works really hard to make sure her family eats lean, unprocessed foods, which is probably 75% of this diet when you get right down to it. And boy am I glad I listened to her!

Prep it just the way you would any other kind of squash: cut it in half lengthwise and scoop out the seeds. There are several different ways you can cook these things, but it should not surprise you to hear I go for the quick and easy way out, every time. The microwave only has a bad reputation because people put deplorable things inside it and try to pass them off as food. It’s a perfectly legitimate way to cook healthy food too. So put one half of the squash on a plate, with 1/4 cup water poured around the base.

Cover with plastic wrap, and microwave on HIGH for 10 minutes.

Now here comes the magic. Start gently scraping down the length of the squash with a fork, and the whole thing will just fall apart into these strands that look like… spaghetti!

Stand it upright in a bowl while you’re scraping, and you don’t even have to hold it with your other hand. Which is good, because this sucker is hot. If you want, cook your second squash half while you’re doing this, or if you don’t need that much food right now, just wrap it up tightly and stick it in the fridge for up to a week or so.

Keep scraping until the whole thing is hollowed out, then just toss the skin.

At this point it’s as good as cooked pasta, and there are a ton of things you can do with it. For now, we’re going with the most basic: plain old GFCF spaghetti sauce. I’m a fan of all the Classico flavors, I just get whichever one strikes my fancy when I’m at the store. [As always, the brands I use were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change their formulas without warning. Always check your labels!]

I use one whole jar with one whole squash, but I find it’s helpful to pour in about half of the sauce first, and stir gently with a fork to really get all the strands separated and coated evenly with sauce.

Also, you can brown about 1/2 lb. of ground beef if your family prefers a meaty sauce.

Okay, here comes the rest of the sauce, like I promised.

And voila! Now listen, you’re not going to fool anyone into believing this is real spaghetti. It’s got this faint little crispness to it that is not quite like soggy wheat pasta. But if you’re already having to force pasta substitutes on your kids, I guarantee you they will not know this one is a vegetable. There is absolutely no squash flavor to explain away; it’s extremely mild. Just tell them it’s a special rice pasta that’s better than all those other mushy rice pastas, or some entirely new pasta that’s made from a unique blend of gluten-free flours and unicorn dust. Either way, they will devour it and beg for more.

Happy Eating!

Spaghetti Squash Marinara

1 spaghetti squash
1 jar Classico red pasta sauce, any flavor
1/2 lb. ground beef

What was I saying? Oh yes: meat. A basic, well-seasoned piece of meat is such a rarity these days, people will think you’re some sort of brilliant gourmet for serving it, and marvel at your minimalist elegance. This here is about 2 pounds of beef brisket, with a dry rub of spices pressed into it. What spices you ask? Well, it’s brown sugar, paprika, chili powder, salt, and pepper. 2 Tablespoons each. What I like to do is mix all the spices on the surface of a large plate, and then just lay the meat down on the plate on all sides. I really should have gotten a picture of this, I know, but my hands were all covered in meat juice, and then one of the kids needed something, and somehow I got distracted and forgot.

Anyway, if you’ve got the time to let your meat sit with the spice rub for a few hours, great; if not, don’t sweat it. When you’re ready, place the brisket in a dutch oven or crock pot (but really, a dutch oven is better. I won’t quibble about the color, they have red and brown, too, if for some strange reason you don’t agree with me that my blue one is the most beautiful thing ever. The important thing is that enamel surface on the inside.) Make sure you lay the meat fat side up.

Pour in about 1 1/2 cups of Pacific Foods beef broth. [As always, my brands were GFCF at the time of posting, but manufacturers can change formulas without notice. Always check your labels.] If necessary, add some water to the pot until the liquid is at least an inch deep, and make sure to lift the edges of the meat a bit so it can flow underneath. Then just put the lid on and stick it in a 325 degree oven for 3-4 hours (or set your crock pot to high for that amount of time, if you insist on doing it that way.)

Man, I wish I could tell you how good my house smells right now. When it’s time for dinner, just drench the top of your meat in Sweet Baby Ray’s barbecue sauce. There are other GFCF barbecue sauces available too, but as a Texan, I have to tell you: this stuff is the real deal. If it’s available in your area, this is the product you want.

See? That is some fine barbecue brisket right there. Serve this with smashed potato salad, and you’ll have a positively mouth-watering meal that no one will even suspect is GFCF.

Happy Eating!

Brisket

2 TBS brown sugar
2 TBS McCormick’s paprika
2 TBS McCormick’s chili powder
2 TBS salt
2 TBS pepper
1-2 lbs. beef brisket
1 1/2 cups Pacific Foods beef broth
1 cup Sweet Baby Ray’s barbecue sauce

Step one: beans in a pot. 2 cans of Bush’s Country Style Baked Beans, to be specific. [You know the drill. Don't rely on me, or the past good behavior of manufacturers. Always check your own labels.]

Step two: about 4 or 5 Applegate Farms GFCF hot dogs, sliced up.

Hot dogs in pot.

And stir.

This is another one of those meals that you can sneak a jar of pureed veggies into, if you have some sort of nutritional guilt complex you need to assuage. Or you could just open up a can of fruit for the hungry horde, too. Either way, don’t you dare feel bad for needing a night off from the intensity of this diet. Remember, normal moms across the nation take their kids to McDonald’s all the time, and if you think that’s even half as healthy as this, you are living in fantasy land.

Happy Eating!

Franks And Beans

2 cans Bush’s Country Style Baked Beans
4-5 Applegate Farms hot dogs